Q&A: I have been married 3 years and have never had sex with my wife.

Dilators

Velvi Dilators for Treating Vaginismus

Sam from California

Hello, I am male, 33 years old, and  married my high school sweetheart.   We have been married 3+ years and still haven’t had sex.    Yes, I have never had sex with her.   I do get the occasional hand job, and maybe once every few months she will actually put her mouth on my penis, so I guess I would call that a blow job.   However, I have never had intercourse with her in any way. 
 
She has tried with other men in the past but it was so painful it made her scream and cry.  Eventually she went to her OB and he diagnosed her with Vaginismus.  She has always been too embarrassed to deal with it.  I love her with all my heart and do not want to put her through any unnecessary shame either.   I would like a child so I have suggested we adopt a child to keep her as stress free as possible.   At times though, I get weak and feel like I am really missing something from this relationship, but I don’t want to blame her.  Am I wrong to feel a bit resentful?  

 
Vaginismus, sometimes anglicized vaginism, is the German name for a condition that affects a woman’s ability to engage in any form of vaginal penetration, includingsexual intercourse, insertion of tampons and/or menstrual cups, and the penetration involved in gynecological examinations. This is the result of a reflex of the pubococcygeus muscle, which is sometimes referred to as the “PC muscle”. The reflex causes the muscles in the vagina to tense suddenly, which makes any kind of vaginal penetration—including sexual intercourse—painful or impossible.
Venice Bloggs response: 
It’s disappointing to hear that you guys have been married for so long and have not been successful at achieving a sex life that includes active sex. To be honest, I’ve had to do some researching on what exactly was vagismus was. The consensus seems to echo several key ideas: vaginal pain during intercourse, vagismus can stem from physical trauma to the vagina, psychological factors, and/or history of discomfort during sex. Fortunately, this is a real medical condition that can be rectified with treatment. Ignoring the problem (and, yes, this is a real problem for you both) or believing adoption of a child will make everything better are two of the worst things you can do. That’s like taking Tylenol for pain caused by kidney stones, when really, you need to take out the dang kidney stones. Treating the symptoms and ignoring the disease will end up disastrous.
By not addressing this problem, you are preventing each other from fully enjoying each other in ways every married couple, in my opinion, should. That may sound a little shallow and maybe it is, but I know I need to have physical, sexual contact with Ryan to feel like I am fully connecting with him. Which is why it’s not the same if I perform oral sex on him until he cums when I’m on my period. I can’t imagine living my marriage like I was menstruating 24-hours a day. People need to connect, mesh, get dirty, plain ol’ fuck, to complete the relationship stage. It’s as if you were both stuck in your 17-year-old mind states: ignoring the problem, appeasing your partner by not taking a stand to do what will help you both, and finding ways to mask the dilemma with an equally problematic solution.
Though your wife’s problem is not uncommon, all the information suggests the same: it’s treatable. Talk to your wife and let her know that it will help you grow and strengthen your marriage. Overcoming her condition will open other doors as far as marital or other problems, as well as break down barriers in and out of the bedroom.
Ryan Bloggs response:
Oh man, I could probably type an essay answering this one.  First, if she is too embarrassed to deal with it, how does she even know she has Vaginismus?  My first suggestion is for her to see an OB/GYN and actually get some sort of confirmation she has this ailment.   If she has already done this, how many times have you yourself actually tried to have intercourse with her?   Did she have a boyfriend before you that she tried with and it hurt too bad?  I am sorry I am answering your question with my questions, but it seems like too much is missing here.
As a man, which is the purpose of me and Venice both answering questions, I’d suggest you have a serious discussion with your wife about the importance of sex in your relationship.  I understand this may stress her out, but she needs to decide which stressor is more serious to her .  The stress of an unhappy husband and marriage or the stress of seeing a doctor regarding her condition.  Vaginismus is very treatable, and although it may take a while for her to gradually get used to  the size of your penis, had she started 3 years ago, you both would have been sexually active at this point.
You’ve even suggested adopting a child to ignore the issue altogether.  Is it your plan to be married and raise a family with a woman you’ve never had sex with?   I will never understand this behavior or reasoning.  The foundation to a strong marriage is a great sex life.  If everything is going wrong in your life, the bills aren’t being paid and you are working long hours, the one thing you can control and depend on, is your sex life.   As long as you are both on the same page.  Two people in a marriage can’t control the economy, random stressors, or outside elements that effect a marriage, but they can definitely control their intimacy.  When I am being intimate with Venice, the whole world shuts off around me.  My bubble consists of me and her, her body and mine, our words, our kisses, our bodies melting into each other,  no matter what is around me.  I feel the following statement has became a bit cliche, but women want an Alpha male.   Everything in  your post suggests that you do not mind being her good little boy, even if her condition is serious.   I say that carefully, because I do not want to mock women that suffer from Vaginismus, but I do know that your wife doesn’t suffer from Mouthismus.  Your comment regarding her putting her mouth on your penis every few months tells me that you really are bitter deep down inside and you are taking whatever it is you can get from her sexually.  If your wife wanted to be intimate with you, she would have went to the doctor’s office 3 years ago.   If she was so embarrassed but wanted to please you, she’d satisfy you orally much more than just every few months.  That is absolutely ridiculous.   There are also other options, such as having anal sex, which we have posted about on this blog numerous times.  I am sure her anus functions properly, so she is capable of pleasing you this way if she wanted.  Gay men also have Vaginismus, it’s called a penis hole, but they still seem to have great sex lives.  There are other holes besides the vagina that feel amazing.  I really doubt the lack of sex after 3 years has anything to do with Vaginismus.
Man up.  If her condition is serious, get her to her OB/GYN so she can work her way into at least trying intercourse with you.   Do not suggest adopting kids, as this behavior suggests that you are okay with never have sex with her.  Are you okay with that?
Also, you both need to see a marriage counselor and a sex therapist, this one is way beyond my capacity.  3 years is habit forming.  She possibly has ruled out sex in her life forever.   Not good.

The Human Praying Mantis? She’ll try to rip your head off if you cum.

RACQUEL-GONZALEZAlthough her boyfriend came at the wrong time, the cops came not a moment too soon.

Racquel Gonzalez, 24, has been arrested for allegedly assaulting her boyfriend, 30-year-old Esric Davis, when he had an orgasm and she did not, according to a police report obtained by the Smoking Gun.

This is a case of premature ejaculation gone astray.

The Manatee County, Florida couple were having sex on Monday afternoon, Davis told deputies, and after he climaxed too soon, Gonzalez immediately got angry and started scratching and hitting him. 

The police report states that Davis had scratches near his eye and nose. Davis also told investigators that Gonzalez has issues from her past and “goes off” on him frequently.

Gonzalez, who the report states was uncooperative and belligerent during her arrest, was charged with felony domestic battery.

Florida seems to be a hot spot for sex related mishaps this year. In September, a woman was arrested near Port Charlotte after pulling a gun on a man while they were having sex in a moving car.

Earlier that same month, a couple in Zephyrhills wound up in the slammer after their menage a trois gone wrong ended in gunfire, police Tasing, and a SWAT team surrounding the house.

Source: Huffington Post, TheSmokingGun

Police documents below:

humanmantisdocu

 

 

 

 

 

POV – Face Fucking and Deep Throating

My throat as Ryan looks down and face fucks me.

Crazy ass deep throating.

 

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My Morning Ritual and Morning Sex

Each morning I wake up to my wife’s music playing on her  cell phone and her pulling the covers off me and yanking the pillow out from under my head. Most of the time I am in deep sleep and trying to get my last few moments of rest before the work day. Most men wouldn’t like this, but for me it’s my wife’s mating call. We sleep nude (see article “Sleeping Nude”), I probably rub her body all throughout the night. I am a light sleeper; I wake up sporadically and touch my wife whenever I can. I love how she feels, and I love that she no longer jerks when she feels my hands. Now, years into our marriage, if she feels my hand slide between her legs, she will back her hips into my hand, while she is completely asleep grinding her teeth (the true sign she is absolutely NOT awake). She wants me.

Oops, I got off topic. Back to the covers being yanked off me each morning. My wife is of course nude as she clears off the bed so it’s just our bodies. I have never turned her down, I have never asked her to stop, I have never made her feel uncomfortable for wanting to be intimate with me each morning. I wake up groggy and unable to focus,  but immediately rub my hands up and down the curves of her back, tickle her ass and ass crack, and maybe slide a finger over her pussy lips if I can reach down far enough. She lets her hanging breasts tickle my nipples before she starts kissing on my face and neck. She eventually works her way down to my underarms and licks and kisses each crease, smelling my body. As she slides down my chest she will slowly lick each nipple, sucking on each for a few minutes.  As she works her way down to my belly button, she eventually gets to my crotch. From here, Venice is in complete control. I’d like to explain what she does, but beyond spending a few minutes lightly tickling around my balls and ass, I do not really know. I know my penis is in her mouth and my tired eyes roll back up in my head as I moan. Not the most manly thing to do, but I can’t help it. My wife does so much with her mouth, from deep throating, to probably 100 other things that change from day to day. Grabbing my dick with both hands and sucking, one hand and stroking as she sucks, or my balls and dick in her hands and she slams her chin into them, she does it all. Eventually, after a few songs on our playlist pass, I will feel her nose in my pubic bone and her chin on my balls. I look down and I no longer have a penis of any kind. My wife takes it all, even the lower shaft that has a 5 o’clock shadow from my shave the day before, gone. It almost looks like she is eating me out, no dick at all. She grinds her face from side to side and eventually slides her head off my crotch. As her head comes up, I see my dick… and then more dick… and then more dick… and then, oh my god, how did she put all of that in her mouth? Before I can really say anything, she is  sitting up on me trying to slowly slide my wet dick into her pussy. Not an easy task, especially since  it’s so wet and she could easily slide it right in. She likes it slow though, slow and comfortable. She doesn’t like to feel an entire dick slide right up in her body just because it can. She will slowly rub and work my dick head between her pussy lips and prepare high inner thighs to be stretched out by my cock.  As the head slides in, she moans and scoots back up. She pulls my dick back out of her body and wets herself more by rubbing my dick all around her pussy and inner thighs, eventually working it in deeper, inch by inch, moaning until my head hits the back of her pussy. She seems to love this feeling, as she will sit up on me and let my dick head press really hard against her insides (which also in return pushes my hard penis down into my own prostate — which feels amazing, like being massaged). I can feel my shaft pushing back into my own body, while my head rubs her back walls. The more she grinds, the more I feel her entire pussy completely full. I love her small vagina, I love how our bodies are so compatible that I bottom out, and we both can enjoy this unique feeling.  Her shallow vagina feels great, but she isn’t done.

In the mornings, most of the time, I do not orgasm. Our morning sex is for the intimacy, not the rush of the orgasm. The sex, like sleeping nude, it to share ourselves with each other and start the day off as a couple. That doesn’t mean she won’t get a bit wild, because she does. She will slowly let me dick pop out and she will ride me with my dick behind her, wetting up her ass crack. I’ve learned she does this on purpose to wet her ass. Before she stops for the morning, she is going to let me feel inside her ass too, the triple threat. Although this is a slow process, her vagina juices and saliva is all we use. She will sit up and angle her body to slowly let me head break down her tiny asshole. I can feel each crease of her anus open as my dick enters. This is what makes anal so amazing. If you pay attention to each feeling, especially in the morning when you are half awake, you can feel every detail of a woman’s ass. I can feel her star-like anus, each ripple, open up and rub my head. I can feel her tight dry ass, slowly slide down my dick, pushing back more on my prostate than going inside her. I love this feeling, I usually have to tell her to go easy. I don’t want to hurt or rip her, and when you are dealing with the ass, this is easy to do. After a few long strokes inside her ass, she will slide up slowly and let my penis flop to my belly. She then leans over and kisses me.

If the morning is going well and we both seem to be a little more frisky, I may sit up and roll her over. While I am on top I will slowly long stroke – all the way in, all the way out. I will let her feel my dick head push through her ass, then go deep inside her body. If she does not mention cumming, I will stay slow paces and eventually lean down and tell her how much I love her. I will slowly let my dick slide out and get up. If she mentioned she wants my cum in her for the day, or that she wants me to fuck her hard, that is her way of saying she wants me to cum (which usually in the morning we do not do). I will cum deep in her ass and throughout the day she will text me letting me know I am still inside her. I love the idea of being with her throughout her day.

This is my alarm clock, one that I never hit snooze on.

Q&A: Is it wrong to swallow my own cum?

Self Suck

Wrong, gay, or masturbation?

Dear Venice and Ryan,

Since I was a little kid I would masturbate multiple times a day, but never in the bathroom because someone would always interupt and ruin the moment.  I was a crafty young guy so I started doing the deed under my bed or in my closet, depending on if my mom and dad were home, or my brothers and sister.  If noone was home, I’d do it in my dad’s  lazyboy in the living room while watching an exercise show on ESPN or something.   At first, these locations worked great because I couldn’t really cum.  I would get hard and jack off until I got this insane feeling under my balls but nothing would ever come out.  I was masturbating long before my balls could produce baby formula.  I didn’t know better anyway, I just knew it felt good and I never had a mess to worry about.  This was actually awesome.  Eventually though,  my huge moments started producing small drops clear drops, which I would play with.   I remember rubbing my fingers together and watching it stick to each finger.   I also remember it tasting sweet.   Anyway, a few years later I was a teenager and my little clear drops became huge cum shots.  I’d say, from watching porn, my pre-weed orgasms were well beyond average, almost worrisome.    Thankfully, after I started smoking weed I averaged out a bit.  Anyway, I used to cum and wipe it on a shirt on the closet floor or try to wipe it off on the bottom side of my mattress.   I probably did this for months before I started smelling a slight sweet,  but awkward odor, in the closet and underneath my bed.   I figured this wasn’t good for hygiene so one day I held out my own hand and fed myself my sperm.  It wasn’t sweet like before, but more of a bitter peroxide taste.  I didn’t really enjoy it, but it was convenient.  I have now been doing this for four years, everyday, sometimes many times a day.  I now enjoy the taste just as much as I enjoy not having a mess.   I am not sure if I am addicted, but I read your article about semen being addictive, as well it containing mood altering hormones.  I wonder if this is something I am now addicted to, and if it’s okay to swallow my own cum?    Any advice would be appreciated.

Venice’s response: 

There is absolutely nothing wrong with eating your own cum.  I eat my husband’s cum every time it leaves his body and I love it.  And because I love it, it only seems right that he should love it too.

Back to your question though.  I don’t see a guy eating his own cum as a disgusting act; I see it as just the opposite.  In fact, if I could hang him upside down, have him shoot his own load into his mouth, and watch him eat it, that could be one of the hottest things he could ever do.  I don’t think it’s gross, unnatural, or weird.  Seeing a man eat his own cum is thrilling and sexy.  It shows he’s confident in his own sexuality and not afraid to go to the extremes.  Knowing a man can get wild in bed is something a woman should embrace because it shows he’s comfortable with her and their life.

If you think about it, if something is created in the human body, it’s more than likely safe for immediate consumption, with the exception of feces, only because E.coli is found naturally in the human body and can get you seriously sick (or worse).

Is it okay to swallow your own cum?  Sure!  Go for it.

Ryan’s response:

First of all, I am not a doctor.  I have no idea if it’s physically harmful to swallow your own semen (although I highly doubt it — I’ve never gotten sick either).   If you are really curious about the effects of swallowing semen, maybe check out a medical website where you can ask real doctors questions, possibly a urologist, as I assume this isn’t something you’d feel comfortable asking your local family doctor at your next visit.

With that being said, I do have my own non medical opinion.   Swallowing your own cum is not harmful,  as long as you do not have an infection or an STD.  If you were to purposely not orgasm for weeks, your body would absorb your semen anyway, so I’d assume recycling your cum through swallowing does nothing more than feels kinky, and keeps your “work area” clean.   I do not think it will have any effect on your mood either, as the acids in your stomach would destroy much of your ejaculate.   In the article you mentioned (Anal Sex – Semen in a woman’s ass creates a higher sex drive and dependency), I actually explain the differences between semen being swallowed compared to semen being released into a woman’s colon.  That would be a different issue entirely.

To answer your question though, no, I do not think there is anything wrong with swallowing your own semen.  If you enjoy it, enjoy it.  You only live once.   Just remember, the same way you keep your “work” area clean after you masturbate, you can apply those same principles to your woman’s vagina.  Clean up your mess you leave inside her.  She will love it, she will be a lot fresher the next day, and you get to keep your healthy daily dose.    Have fun!