Q&A: I caught my husband masturbating when I was sick

Alyssa via the internet

I was sick the entire weekend and on Sunday (still suffering but nearing the end of my sickness) my husband was acting really sweet to me.  He came upstairs and asked if I needed anything.  I let him know I could use a glass of water and maybe some cuddle time.  He went downstairs and brought me a huge glass of ice water and kissed me on the forehead.  He said he had to finish up some work on his computer and he’d be right back to cuddle.  After about 20 minutes I was restless so I got up and walked downstairs to check on him.   I thought maybe I would lay in his lap or something while he finished up on the computer. 

Appalled, I watch from the top of the stairs as he is jacking off watching a silent porn on his computer.  At this point I am pissed off so I walk downstairs and stand right behind him.  He has no idea I am there, and I realize he had on headphones.   I hear him grunting and whispering to himself and then I watch him ejaculate.  This was the most disgusting thing I have ever seen him do, I cannot believe my husband still behaves like a horny teenager that jacks off as soon as a responsible adult isn’t around, especially when this responsible adult is sick.  As cums, he puts his head back in chair.  Immediately he notices me standing there.  He hops up as fast as he can trying to put his pants back up.  His filthy cum is all over his hands and clothing.   I absolutely want to vomit at this point.  Disgusted, I reach down and grab his cum off his hand and belt and then slap him straight in the face with it. 

I didn’t say a word and I haven’t spoken with him since.  Did I overreact?  Is it normal for a husband to be so fucking callous and ignore my sick request to cuddle, and instead go downstairs and masturbate to some fucking porn stars?  This behavior is disgusting and I do not know if I will ever get over it.  I also do not get how he could think it was okay to masturbate downstairs, wipe off his little dick and ball germs and come up stairs and hold me?  Again, did I overreact?  Thank you.

Nessa’s response:   Have you guys ever addressed this issue before?  Obviously he knows it’s something he needs to keep from you, hence the headphones and the lying about work he had to do.  First, I do believe you overreacted.  This is the kind of reaction I expect  if you caught him having sex with another woman.  But he wasn’t.  Second, he wasn’t having phone sex either, which is still bad because you have to pay for it.  Third, it’s porn.  You can access it on your phone, on your computer, on your television, and even at the gas station.  It’s everywhere.  You can’t keep him from it unless you specifically tell him, “I don’t approve of you watching people fuck.”  Then your husband would know exactly what he can’t do.  Fourth, your situation is a double-edged sword: if you want him to only have sexual relations with you and not porn, then he’ll be an insensitive ass for asking you for sex while you were sick; if he turns to porn, he’s a pervert.  He’s damned if he does and he’s damned if doesn’t.

So where do you go from here? Talk to him about it.  Tell him what exactly pissed you off.  Tell him how disgusted you feel see him jack off.  Tell him you don’t think you’ll ever get over it.  But before you do, think about what masturbating really is.  Every single guy in the world has done it – your dad, your brother, your garbage man, your minister, your high school principal, and the President of the United States.  Your husband isn’t fantasizing of the porn star who’s taking it up the ass by five different dudes and how she’ll iron his clothes in the morning, how she’ll hold him when he’s sleeping at night, or how she’ll comfort him when he’s feeling down.  There’s nothing wrong with what your husband is doing.  It’s as if men are programmed to expel semen their bodies at any and all costs.

What I’m saying is that it’s not the end of the world.  As I said, porn (and sex in general) is everywhere, staring him at the face, making him buy a certain beer, wear a certain pair of shoes, and drive a certain kind of car.  He’s bombarded with it.  The important thing to remember is he’s not acting on his physical impulses.  That would be a different story.  Porn: it’s everywhere, and if you can’t beat ’em join ’em.  Blow your man’s mind and learn to outdo every porn star your husband watches.

Ryan’s response:  I get why you are mad, I think.   You are mad because he was insensitive to your needs, correct?  Not only was he insensitive, he went down and masturbated like everything in life was perfect.  A sick wife upstairs suffering (really?) and wanting to cuddle, but he doesn’t care, he has decided he is going to lie to you so he can go downstairs and watch porn while beating his meat.  I get it.   However, understand this, you were sick all weekend and a man has needs.  Whether you like that idea or not, would you have preferred him to come upstairs and cuddle you, slowly trying to remove your panties so he could stick his dick inside you? Would you have been disgusted if he was cuddling you and got an erection from being turned on (by his sick and suffering wife)? Your sickness doesn’t stop his testicles from producing sperm and hormones that scream in his head all day, “JACK OFF OR GET PUSSY RIGHT FUCKING NOW YOU FUCKING IDIOT”.

You admit that he was being really sweet, so obviously he was taking care of you.  It sounds like he wanted to release some tension and stress and before he did, he wanted to make sure you were totally okay. Obviously cuddling wasn’t in his plans, as he was already worked up and horny.  You carry around  our balls and hormones for a day and let’s see how long you last not getting the release that your most primal instincts are ordering you to do.   It isn’t easy, but he tried to make sure you were okay.  Unfortunately you caught him, which is punishment enough in my opinion.   Even reading this question I was embarrassed for the guy.  Not only did you catch him but then you slapped him in the face with his own semen?   Jesus, the guy has paid his dues already.  Let it go.  Yes, you overreacted.  To answer the question again, yes, you overreacted.  I used to wake up and release my tension, then head to the kitchen and make Nessa breakfast.   Do you think she would be disgusted by me for bringing my dick germs to her food?  I think she’d enjoy the meal and an awesome morning of me being able to be sweet to her without ripping off her clothing because I am so horny.  But maybe I am wrong.