Photo Shoots Gone Wild

Eggnog teardrops and pink balls

Eggnog teardrops and pink balls

Don’t let the title fool you. This blog will not end up with 18-year-old white girls flashing their titties to us on webcam for e-beads.  This blog is more of a warning for guys out there married to an Asian wife who has wild ideas and a slight case of OCD.  Do not start a month long photo shoot unless you mean it.

I remember starting the XXXmas photo shoot thinking it was going to be fun and something we do for like five minutes a day.   Boy, was I wrong.  In fact, after the first photo shoot of me aiming my penis at a cookie and letting my liquids flow, watching Venice eat the entire cookie, and then dipping my dick in milk as she sipped, I was satisfied.   Maybe I just wanted to see her eat my juices off a cookie, which was actually a first for us, I think.  I am not counting the time I came in her ice cream and watched her lick it off her spoon, because technically ice cream is not food.  It’s more of a frozen liquid.   Anyway, after the December 1, 2012 cookie photo shoot, I could have went on with the rest of the month and never touched a camera again.  However, Venice had different plans.

Tonight, I come home and Venice had purchased a half gallon of eggnog, a baby medicine dropper/mini baster, and two rolls of gift wrap.   As the night went on, I noticed she had taped two pink ornament/balls to each gift wrap, about seven inches down (Apparently Santa is the man!).   She put our life size Santa Claus upstairs and asked me to put on my Santa outfit.  A little tired, I asked if she was sure she wanted to do all that.  She excitedly motioned for me to hurry up.

So I walk upstairs and I see her down on her knees nude, placing the gift wrap near her mouth, giving our life size Santa a huge gift wrapper penis.  I laughed and thought it was extremely creative.  I set up the lighting, and spent the next ten minutes getting things focused and ready.  After a quick test run using the timer, I stood on the other side of Santa and we held our gift wrapper dicks in Venice’s face.  After she was satisfied with our positions, she asked me to grab the eggnog she had placed in her mini baster and squirt it on her.   Uncertain as to what she wanted, I put a little on her chin.  She looked at me and said, “Oh my God, is that how you cum on my face, Ryan?  Is that how Santa would cum on my face?  Blast me with it!”

I interrupted her and said, “Hopefully if Santa was to cum on your face it would turn into snow flakes in mid air, or possibly magic fairy dust with little elves dancing around your head singing Christmas carols before they nicely vanish leaving no mess at all.”

Venice rolled her eyes, ignoring my comment. “Squirt it all over my chest, my nose, and my eyes. Do it right.”   I did what she said, but was unsure about squirting the eggnog in her eyes so I didn’t.  I motioned like I was finished and tried putting the mini baster down.  She grabbed my arm and demanded, “My eyes, Ryan, make me cry eggnog sperm.”

Listen, although this blog was done tongue in cheek, when is the last time your wife asked you to squirt eggnog in her eyes, while mock sucking two Santa Clauses at once?

Exactly.