Couple Seeking Woman – The Needle in a Haystack

logoWe were asked to write an article for sex.com and we thought that would be a great idea.  The article is about the journey in finding a woman to join us in a threesome.  At the time, it was a complicated task because we really didn’t know what to expect.  Although our experiences and feelings have changed since this was originally published, it is still a great site so if you get a chance, check it out.   And of course, we appreciate Sex.com for asking us to write for them, while at the same time helping us reach a whole new readership.

 Couple Seeking Woman: The Needle in a Haystack

QueenKingQueenOn our blog, I’ve made it very clear that I was ready and willing to lose my “girlginity,” which basically means being with a woman sexually. But that doesn’t mean that because I’ve had a sexual awakening I’m ready to pounce on anything with a pair of hot tits and a pussy, and it certainly doesn’t mean I get a free pass to fuck any woman I want.  There’s a process, if you will, in seeking a woman who we will be allowing into our lives.  This complicated process would be akin to finding the proverbial needle in a haystack.

By putting our business out there for the world to read and judge us by, I realize that I might be scaring off potential “partners,” but conversely, it will also allow me to broadcast my requirements, my prerequisites, and my standards – something everyone should do with every sexual partner in order to get as close to exactly what they want.  Be picky, don’t settle.

I won’t be jumping into anything because I have so much to consider.  I’m not single; I’ve found my soul mate.  But now, I’m on a mission to find my “holemate,” so to speak.  I’m not looking for a female version of my man or a second wife for him.  For a relationship like mine and Ryan’s, our ideal triad would be filled by a female agreeable to a no-strings-attached situation, which should not be misconstrued as her constant availability for a booty call.  In fact, that is the exact opposite of what I want.  I’m interested in finding a friend, a good friend, one who I can talk to and understand my marriage and be open with my limitations.

Ryan has been a loyal man to me, so rewarding him by adding a female to our sex life while also exploring my bi-curious side would serve us both.  And I would absolutely love to spoil my man in a safe, reciprocated way.  We’re a territorial couple, but there are exceptions.  Ryan would allow me and her to be 100% intimate with each other in any way.  However, I’d want Ryan to be with me.  This is where things get complicated, as I do not want Ryan to be a creeper in the corner.

The female has to be open to both of us, enough so that she is comfortable being nude in front of Ryan, and him being nude in front of her.  If the moment calls for him just watching, I’d want her to be relaxed and turned on by him in the room, not uncomfortable.  Depending on how we all feel, I am open to Ryan being a part of the moment in a limited fashion, but not okay with any sort of penetration.  However, I would love for Ryan to fuck me as I lick her vagina, or have her lick my vagina as he fucks me.

Although Ryan has never expressed the desire to fuck anyone else, he will get to see another woman’s breast and pussy, he will get to have us both in the same room, he will get to see two women fuck in front of him, he will get to see me suck his dick in front of her, and he will have the privilege of having this other woman lick his balls, lick my juices off of his body, and enjoy and share my excitement of trying something for the first time.  There are so many possibilities to how we can enjoy this new person in our sex life all while following our rules.

She will not just be a woman who follows these boundaries, but a friend who understands our relationship and how we operate as a couple.  There doesn’t have to be a mutual physical attraction, but she and Ryan must both like each other’s personalities.  She can’t be disgusted or turned off by him or turned off by me being intimate with him either; this is important when all three of us are together.  If she and I are into each other and enjoyed each other sexually, I believe the territorial feelings in me will become less and less.  With a budding friendship the idea of sharing becomes less threatening.  If this were a random person we met in a club, the jealousy, regret, and resentment would eat me up inside.

I believe that this initial move to open up your marriage can go either one of two ways: becoming full swingers or strengthening your relationship by exploring more avenues of both partners’ sexualities.  Of course we are practioners of the latter.  Brought on by perhaps an early mid-life crisis or a much-needed change, this was a mutually agreed upon decision which cannot succeed without the other’s blessing. I imagine there are many couples just like us who are seasoned in their marriage/long-term relationships and finally getting the courage and have progressed to taking their love to a higher level who describe themselves as “experimental” or “looking for fun.”

I could definitely see this woman as being married and/or with children.  I could even see her as being single, but again, she has to have the same values as us and live by them.  The only concern I’d have is her non-loyalty to us and the threat of STDs that comes with the mindset and behavior of a single person.  But if we never find a female who is compatible with us, neither I nor Ryan would lose any sleep over it.  To me, it’s not the destination I’m concerned with, it’s the journey.  My journey which started with a demure little girl who didn’t know how to use her voice to express herself and ended up with a strong-willed woman who rocks her man’s world twice a day with every hole in her body.  I mentioned a sexual awakening because that’s exactly what it was: a realization that life is too short to fuck in the missionary position.  This realization came with open-mindedness to try anything sexually related – learning to deepthroat, craving anal, and opening up our bedroom.

TAGS: MW4W, couple seeking woman, couple seeking women, couple seeking woman, looking for a woman for a threesome, need a third partner for threesome, couple looking for a woman

Q & A: How Do I Tell My Wife I Am Gay? (Gay Husband)

gay husbandJohn via the internet

Hello, very interesting site.  I actually ended up here because of xhamster but do have a question for you both.  Well, I guess I just need your advice.  I have been married for 11 years to a beautiful woman that is my absolute best friend.  We have a 9 year old daughter together and everything is perfect, except I have absolutely no interest in women.  Although I suspected I was gay from an early age, my dad was very strict and I just wanted to make my family proud.  My wife was the only woman that ever really turned me on, so I figured she was the one.  Now, 11 years into the marriage, I cannot get an erection at all with her.  In fact, our marriage has been completely sexless for about 3 years.  This is killing my wife, as she thinks I have an erection disorder or find her unattractive.  She has purchased books on sex and marriages, has given me oral sex for what felt like hours, and still nothing.

I do not think she knows this, but I do get erections frequently, but only when viewing gay porn.  I masturbate without her knowing and feel like I am only sexually attracted to men.  I have approached my wife about the idea of an open marriage, but this hurt her feelings.  I covered my tracks by suggesting it to her, as a way to fulfill her needs since I can no longer perform.  I am unsure if she was so hurt because I was suggesting she was shallow enough to fuck other guys because I can’t make love to her, or because I suggested an open marriage.  Either way, I am gay.

What should I do?   I would love to stay with my wife and help raise my daughter, but I need to get this lifestyle thing off my chest.  I’m tired of hurting her.  I’m tired of lusting men behind her back.  I’m tired of sneaking around masturbating.  I’m tired of lying.

Nessa’s response:

I can’t imagine how torn you must feel.  It was a good move for you to ask you wife about an open marriage.  Have you told her you were gay yet?  If not, that may be the reason her feelings have been hurt.  It goes without saying that you will need to break the news to her gently.  Reassure her with the positive things about her and your relationship before you tell her you’re no longer interested in her, or other women for that matter.  I would suggest telling her how much you love and care for her and that the reason you are approaching her with this news is that you would rather be honest with her first before hurting her.  If you’ve never cheated on her – with a woman or a man – tell her that too. 

If it were me telling my husband this news, I would make sure he understood that it wasn’t that I didn’t love him, but I could no longer continue in a marriage under the assumption that I was a straight woman, and that if I did, I would be doing us and our daughter a disservice by living a lie.  Try to make her understand that attraction to one’s partner – sexually and emotionally – are crucial parts to making a relationship work.  If they’re missing or unfulfilled, that person will almost likely turn to someone who can fill that need.  If not, that person will live in misery. 

A marriage cannot survive purely on love.  Sexual attraction, honesty, and loyalty are important elements that define a successful connection.  In your case, honesty is going to play a huge part in how your wife will perceive your “break-up.”  The one thing that would ease my mind if I were your wife is the fact that you don’t want to continue hurting her.  When it’s all over, she will be able to say, “At least he didn’t cheat on me.”  That may the best thing that comes out of this.

Ryan’s response:

This is a tough one.  The key to a good marriage is communication, but in this case, communicating that you are gay and prefer an open marriage may end your relationship.   I suppose it comes down to what your goals are as a father, husband, and man.  If you want to be openly gay and can no longer live the way you are now, talk with your wife and accept what’s going to happen afterwards.  Let her know that you are not in a hurry to start meeting guys and having sex with them, but you want to quit hurting her.  When she realizes that you aren’t just going to pack your bags and jump in the sack with a bunch of men, she may relax and appreciate the honesty.  It’s not unheard of in these situations for the wife to end up being your best friend, but I doubt she will stick around as your wife and keep you as her gay husband.   You can both still raise your daughter but it may be in two different households.   This is something you will have to understand before you make your decision to talk with her.

Another suggestion I have: after you tell her, if she is understanding of what’s going on with you, ask if you can bring gay adult videos into the bedroom.  There is an article floating around written by an ex-Playboy Bunny who has said that Hugh Hefner would line all the in-house Bunnies up twice a week outside his bedroom door, and one by one they would service them.  Whether it be oral or sex, they would take turns, maybe five minutes each.  Although this seems like a dream come true for most men, the article stated that he would have gay porn playing on a movie screen in his bedroom to help him keep his erection.  Maybe after you come out, your wife will understand you need certain things to achieve and erection, but once you get that erection you can both enjoy it.  I really don’t understand how your own hand could be more sexually attractive than your wife’s hand, mouth, ass, or vagina.   Your hand isn’t a man.

Good luck.  No easy answer here.