Each week we will post our most outrageous search terms that people used to find our website that week. Ryan and I will then share our own thoughts and hopefully entertain you guys or at least make the search term make a little less sense.
Each search term was gathered by wordpress and/or google statistics and they are all very real search terms. Each search term was used by some person in the world that ended up on our page.
10. one night in Nessa anal
Ryan: Ha! Did you get permission from Paris Hilton and Chyna for this video Nessa? This sounds a lot like a remake of “One Night In Paris” and “One Night In Chyna”
Nessa: Oh, damn. Did someone “leak” a video of mine?
Ryan: Sells so far: 2.
Nessa: Hey, that’s 1 more than the Screech Sex Tape!
Ryan: That’s true.
9. when a men fucks a women how sperm goes inside vagina help
Ryan: How does the sperm get inside her vagina?
Nessa: He sounds like he could be Asian.
Ryan: That’s not right.
8. пенис 21 сантиметр
Nessa: This is Russian for “21 inch penis.” Thank you, Google Translate Language Detector.
Ryan: I MUST BREAK YOU
Nessa: Oh god. Don’t start.
Ryan: IF HE DIES, HE DIES.
Nessa: Just stop Ryan. That’s like the only Russian you know and it isn’t even Russian.
Ryan: LIKE YOUR POPEYE YES, HE ATE HIS SPINACH EVERY DAY.
Ryan: Get your hands up! Do you need a google translate language detector, it’s time to go to school!
Nessa: YOU WILL LOSE!
Ryan: Ha!!! That’s why I love you.
7. cum inside no permission
Ryan: That’s called a condom sweetheart.
Nessa: Too bad so sad.
6. walked in on my husband jerking off to porn on his phone
Ryan: I don’t get how you could really enjoy a porn on such a small screen.
Nessa: Maybe he was Asian?
Ryan: Ha! You are such a racist.
Nessa: Hey, if the truth fits, wear it.
Nessa: The shoe hurts?
Ryan: Oh god, stop fucking with me. So the lady walks in on her husband stroking it to porn on his phone.
Nessa: I guess his phone isn’t as smart as he thought it was….
Ryan: The new Dumb Phone! It has no mute button function and turns your phone’s volume all the way up any time it loads a porn.
Nessa: It automatically sends all sext messages with strange women to your spouse’s email.
Ryan: Every time you send a random penis picture to gay men on craigslist, it forwards it to your entire office. 2 year contract and activation fees required.
Nessa: This just in, Chuck, apparently there has been a new surge of men buying flip phones and beepers. We can’t explain this technological dumbing down phenomenon.
Ryan: Ha, Chuck huh. Didn’t want to go with the classic Dick?
Nessa: … oh you’re setting me up with that one. Oh. No. Ryan. I. Don’t. Want. To. Go. With. The. Classic. Dick. You. Give. Me. All. The. Dick. I. Can. Handle.
Ryan: Oh yea? And you’re stupid!
5. wife says my penis is perfect does that mean its small
Ryan: There are a few words you do not want to hear when your wife describes your penis. One is definitely, “perfect.” A few others: Adorable. Cute. Precious. Cozy.
Nessa: Or tiny.
Ryan: Yea, tiny wouldn’t be good for sure. We want to hear things like, magnificant. Amazing. Breathtaking.
Ryan: Yea, or huge, that’s always good.
Ryan: Yea, horse-like would be pretty cool to hear. I mean, I personally wouldn’t know because like, it isn’t something thrown in my direction on the daily.
Nessa: I’ve called you my little pony!
Ryan: Yea, uh, not quite the fucking same as horse-like but whatever. The jury is still out on that one. The whole, little-pony thing. I mean, technically, I guess a pony would be more hung than a human, but in comparison to a horse, it’s smaller. Plus, why does it have to be a little pony? Why not a normal pony or maybe even a pony that children may mistake as a small horse?
Nessa: It’s better than calling it a Carebear right?
Ryan: Way off topic, but yes, I guess it would be better than it being called a Carebear.
Nessa: Exactly. Next term please!
4. pressing my cock against Filipina rectum hole stories
Nessa: I love when search terms are succinct and to the point.
Ryan: “I want a cheeseburger, grill the bun, double cheese, lite mayo, no lettuce, two pickle spears, and my cock pressed against a filipina’s rectum please.”
Nessa: Would you like to supersize that?
Ryan: No, I am your little pony remember.
Nessa: Let it go Ryan, just let it go.
3. why do japanese women have hairy pussy’s
Ryan: Because it’s sexy?
Nessa: To get to the other side?
Ryan: To cushion the pushin?
Nessa: So their husbands won’t get mad and see there is still a lot more room in their vaginas?
Ryan: Oh wow…
Nessa: Do we get like a top answer or something? Maybe a big X on the screen like Family Fued if we answer wrong.
Ryan: Yea, your answer definitely gets a red X.
Nessa: Survey says!
2. mastirmation women
Ryan: Well, he didn’t totally mess that up.
Nessa: If you would proof read your articles Ryan, people that spell just as bad as you would never find us.
Ryan: I do it on purpose for this exact reason.
1. adult poem on penis and pussy
Nessa: I’m glad we can help students with their english projects.
Ryan: For sure, and our site is stacked with adult poems on penis and pussy.
Nessa: A modern day Emily Dickinson
Ryan: You can call me Edgar Allan Poke
Nessa: I’ll call you Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Ryan: Or William Shakespears
Nessa: Okay, you’re reaching…
Ryan: What, shake spheres, like shake two balls?
Nessa: Let’s just end it there.
Ryan: Shakespears, like he strokes and make his balls bounce. Get it?
Ryan: Whatever, William Shakespears wasn’t a reach at all.