Our Circle

by androCircle (noun)
a group of persons sharing a common interest or revolving about a common center

Ryan and I have have this concept called “The Circle,” which I will take full credit for creating between us.  The Circle came into fruition as we discussed the importance of maintaining a continual form of love and respect.  Several years ago we realized that we were living life in a dotted circle, meaning that we loved each other, but were doing things (in life and in the bedroom) out of obligation and without real enthusiasm; we were a pair of married zombies.  For example, I would go to bed without spending intimate time with Ryan.  It’s not that I felt like I didn’t need to, but instead I felt that I didn’t have a reason to make him happy because he didn’t make me happy.  It was in all sense of the term, a “dotted circle.”  The hash marks were the times where we made the effort to be with and satisfy the other, but for some reason, the other didn’t reciprocate, thus creating an incomplete circle.  The spaces in between the hash marks of the circle represent the dead time between the moments in which one of us has failed to do our part in continuing our circle of love.

As this first definition states, this group of persons is, of course, me and Ryan, as we are the only two in our relationship.  Our common interest is our mutual desire to maintain a healthy marriage.  Our eyes opened to the shortcomings that stemmed from each of us.  It took both of us to get to this zombie state and it will take both of us to make our Circle successful.  I didn’t have to convince him that he was doing things wrong or vice-versa. In fact, we both were glad to point out the other’s deficiencies and work together to find solutions.  It took us breaking years of bad habits, breaking old ones, and creating successful ones to reassess our marriage.

The Circle almost became a living being that we respected, revered, and even feared, if we didn’t comply with it.  It got to the point where we were forced to put aside our differences that we had at the moment to remember the circle and what it represents to us. Ultimately, we used it as a way to show the other that we were doing our own parts to live up to the standards of the Circle by saying things like, “Even though you’re mad at me right now, I still love you. You don’t have to hug me back, but I’m not breaking the Circle.” It was like using reverse psychology on the other, and not in a detrimental way.

wedding ringsCircle  (noun)
A series or process that finishes at its starting point or continuously repeats itself; a cycle

In a nutshell, the Circle is ensuring that one good turn deserves another.  One of the very first concepts of our Circle was to incorporate twice daily intimate time.  This wasn’t set in stone because sometimes I’d sneak in a little dick-sucking or fucking during our lunch hour (three a day); or if one of us was sick, a bit of fondling (at most) and cuddling would be considered our intimate time.  That’s life; we don’t have complete control of everything.  The only thing we can control is whether or not we can incorporate any form of intimate time (however little) in the day.

When I first proposed the idea of the Circle, he asked me to explain the concept.  It was in the middle of the work day, so I texted to him the following:

“The Circle is when I do something for you that starts off your day right, like sucking your dick, which in turn will ensure you think about me all morning and give me that extra attention throughout the day.  As you chat and text because I am on your mind, I will in return appreciate the attention and think about you all afternoon.  Whether it be small talk or spending lunch together, it’s the little things we used to overlook that make a huge difference now.  By that night, I will want to show you my appreciation, and probably fuck your brains out.  In doing that, you will be happier more responsive man and cuddle me through the night.  Going to sleep being cuddled, makes me want to wake up and cuddle your balls.   It’s a circle.”

This sounds very “Who’s on first” but, well, you get the picture.  As nonsensical as it sounds, that is exactly what the Circle is: it just keeps going and going, world without end, Amen.

I love to wake up in the morning and spend intimate time with my man for many reasons: it makes me feel like I’m doing my job as a wife, I complete my part of the Circle, I love contributing to Ryan’s reason to starting off his day right, and it ensures that our intimacy cycle continues. It also has altered his entire mood.  This isn’t just a one week thing, I am going on the third year of our circle, and he has absolutely changed.  If you give your man the attention he wants, he will give you back the attention you want.  I need this completion for the sake of my happiness as well as his. It’s not blackmailing the other, it’s not used as a tool for coercing him to take me shopping all day on Saturday, and it’s not forcing me to give him a blow job whenever he wants one.  We do what we do because we want to, not because “Oh, I fucked you this morning, so I don’t need to give it to you tonight.”  No, no, no. We do what we do because making the other happy is a process that ensures our circle keeps moving; everything about the Circle is positive.

yinyang“Circle the wagons” (idiom)
 to form the wagons of a covered-wagon train into a circle for defensive purposes, as against Indian attack

I’ve heard of this term before. I understood that it was a tactic used in the covered wagon days to fight an onslaught of enemies.  In a way, our circle monumentalizes this concept. One of the first times Ryan has applied the Circle with us was at a fast food drive-through.  If I ordered french fries, I wanted him to ask for ketchup, maybe a few extra napkins, and an extra salad dressing.  If I really felt in the mood, I’d even want him to ask for croutons.  Because of the glares the disgruntled fast food workers gave him, the old Ryan hated the process of asking for anything extra. I mean to the point to where he would get mad at ME for even asking him in the first place.  After the circle, he realized that our 90 seconds at the drive-through window and the “pshaw..whatever” attitude they gave him were absolutely not worth making me, the most important person in the world to him, unhappy. In fact, today he won’t even leave the window without saying to me, “Look in the bag, did you get a everything you need?”  Our Circle, our world, is comprised of the two of us and what we do to ensure the other is taken care of.  It is the small changes like these that let me know that he fully understands the Circle, the power it has over us, and that allowing an “Indian attack” (outside parties and/or events that could impede our circle) overcome our “covered-wagon circle” (our Circle) is detrimental to us.

For me, I am driven to completing, I mean CONTINUING, my parts of the circle because I can only benefit from it. Ryan has fulfilled his parts in many ways: he grills for me every Friday (including buying, preparing and cooking all meat and side dishes), he has shown me endless attention by ways of texting, calling on the way to work and home, and random lingerie spending sprees (basically anything that helps me feel sexy including lotions, make-up, nail polish, etc.).  Some people might argue that we are too needy, that we put too much emphasis on the attention we give each other, that we’re too smothering.  Well, this is how WE work, this is what we’ve determined makes OUR marriage successful. I need this attention and HE needs the attention in return.  Through open communication and understanding of the other’s needs, we’ve managed to pinpoint our needs that have helped us to rejuvenate our relationship.  We started our journey with a circle, our wedding rings, and we saved our marriage with a circle, our love.

Kinkly Names Us One Of The Sex Blogging Superheroes of 2013

kinklyThanks to the folks over at kinkly.com for naming us one of the Sex Blogging Superheroes of 2013.

A big thank you to those readers who nominated us.

 

Our Top 100 Sex Blogging Superheroes of 2013

Random Moments With Us – Penny For Your Thoughts

penny for your thoughtsWhen I first met  Ryan  we would baby talk, and if he ever got upset he would storm off and sit in a corner and pout.  It was cute, especially since we were newly married.  Well, one day he was upset about something that was probably very stupid and said, “Fine then,” and went and sat in his pout corner.

I was being lazy and didn’t really want to get up and play concerned mother while I grab his sad face and lay his head on my breasts and say, “Oh, baby, it’s okay, Momma is sorry.”   This was our first apartment so it was small and a bit muggy.  Ryan had his shirt off and was sitting in the corner with his head down making sniffling sounds.  I picked up a penny off the table and tossed it across the room at him and said, “Come on Ryan, Momma is sorry. Come here and give me a hug.”   After I threw the penny, I noticed it stuck, dead center of his back.  It literally stuck to his skin, right between both of his shoulder blades.  I immediately began to laugh.  Of course, this irritated Ryan as he couldn’t really pout and be sad with me behind him laughing so he slung his arms around from side to side like a little child, trying to scratch the penny off his back.  It was impossible because it was in the exact area where his hands could not reach.   The harder he tried, the more I laughed.   Ryan looked like a T-Rex trying to pull a dragonfly off its back.  This went on for what seemed like minutes.

Eventually he stood up and looked at me and said.  “It’s not funny, I’m sad and this stupid fucking penny you threw at me is stuck to my fucking back.”   He jumped up and down over and over and nothing happened.  Again I laughed.  He stubbornly walked over to the corner of a door and rubbed his back up and down until finally the penny dropped to the floor.  He reached down and grabbed the penny, and threw it on the carpet in front of me.  As he stomped past  me he said, “This is going to cost you big time, I’m not going to accept your apology ever!”  He then stormed to our single bedroom and slammed the door as hard as he could.

I finally got up and walked over to the door and said, “Baby, I’m sorry, what’s it going to cost me to get you to accept my apology?”  I paused and listened to him shuffle around.  I then added, “A penny?”

I slept on the couch that night.

Threesome Memoirs – His Story

Threesome Memoirs: Table of Contents

mrandmrssmithIn blogging with Nessa over the last two years I have noticed that most readers enjoy Nessa’s perspective on our sex life rather than my own.  I assume this is because as men, we’ve always been very open about what we like during sex, or aren’t usually the ones with the boundaries in the bedroom.  

Here’s an example of a man’s sex blog, “Things I like in the bedroom:  EVERYTHING.”  One blog post, one word, and  retired. 

However, it seems we should be better at blogging since we’ve been doing it long before there was an Internet, we just did it in locker rooms and at any other random place we could get someone to actually listen to us talk.  In fact, if you want a man’s perspective on his sex life, simply walk up to him while he is sitting in the park feeding some ducks, and ask, “Do you enjoy cumming in your wife’s ass hole or her vagina the most?”

It’s that easy.

However, for these Memoirs, Nessa has asked me to share my thoughts as well.   For her, this is another blog project (see also:  Project: 31 Days of Cum Shots; Project: Asian Bush).

Originally, the idea of Nessa being bisexual seemed surreal.  Does that make sense?  I knew she was turned on by lesbian scenes in porn, but she’d always tell me it was only because it wasn’t something she normally saw or thought about.   It wasn’t like we sat around all day watching porn or anything, but every now and then we would play a porn in the background while we were intimate and she seemed to orgasm very quickly depending on what type of porn was playing (lesbian or 2 women and a man).

I didn’t think much of it and she always seemed pretty irritated if I asked her if hooking up with another woman was something she ever wanted to try.  I assume, because I am a man (please see the beginning of this article), the fact I even suggested her hooking up with another women meant  I’d also be around that other woman too.  This immediately made her close down and get defensive.  She knew hooking up with a woman would probably turn me on just as much as it would her.  She also knew it was dangerous to bring another person inside our circle.  For those exact reasons, and because I didn’t want to hurt her feelings, I was always hesitant to mention her sexuality and I never pushed the issue.  In other words, I left it alone.

I think, talking to me about her wanting to be with another woman threatened her.  At that time, there is no way she would ever be okay with a threesome.  In fact, if I even said the word threesome, she may have filed for a divorce.  She was very protective and she always let me know that she loved me so much because I only had eyes for her.  I was proud she noticed, so I made it my mission to spend the first thirteen years of our marriage without even looking at another woman.  I was totally whipped.

Anyway, I believe Nessa’s bisexuality came to fruition after we talked about possibly taking a vacation on a swingers’ cruise.  Why a swingers’ cruise?  Let me explain.  Around our vanilla friends, we felt like outsiders.  Not because we wanted to swing, but because we were extremely open about our sex lives.  Whether we would joke about what we did the night before, or openly kiss and make out in front of them, we felt like we didn’t belong.  In our minds, swingers were open minded.  Also, not all swingers swap, which is something we have both discussed in length, and neither of us want this.  Soft swinging was more of playing in front of other couples, which we did already anyway, while the wives possibly playing with each other.  If everyone got along and agreed, both couples could have sex in front of the other couple, without swapping.  Basically, exhibitionism or voyeurism, which again, Nessa and I were very much into.   Also, we didn’t take many vacations and a cruise seemed fun as hell.

The idea of being totally open and being able to talk about sex freely felt good to us both.  In fact, the idea of going on this cruise also led Nessa into talking about how I’d feel if she made out with another wife one night.  We both knew that we didn’t want to swap or anything, but Nessa seemed very interested in the idea of possibly getting a bit tipsy and kissing a woman for the first time.

Although we never took that cruise, it was at this point that we both sat down and discussed our sexuality. She expressed to me that she would love to make out with another woman.  She didn’t want another guy involved, but would love to see what it was like to kiss a girl.  Obviously this excited me and I let her know how I felt.  During this conversation, Nessa openly told me she felt bisexual.  Although I thought this meant she was lesbian, she let me know that she had no real interest in doing anything without me being with her.  As far as I knew, her fantasies consisted of nothing more than kissing and making out with another woman while I watched. 

It wasn’t just her sexuality changing, this talk also occurred around the same time Nessa was going through other major changes.  She had just learned to deep throat me, she began asking for anal sex regularly and explained to me she enjoyed her orgasms more during anal sex, and we started a intimacy routine that what we now call, our circle. 

Thirteen years into our marriage, and our sex life was upside down.  Whether it was a mid marriage crisis or her sexual awakening, she had me totally interested in her every thought.  In fact, I suggested we start a blog so we could write about the different things we were feeling.  For whatever reason, we tend to communicate much better when we write letters.  A blog seemed to make a lot of sense.  Rather than talking to me about what she was currently feeling, she could talk to the world and I could sneak inside her mind and get to know her better. 

Our first blog went under the moniker “Mr. And Mrs. Smith.”  Although this wasn’t an original idea, we felt that Mr. and Mrs. Smith was our secret identity.  Two sex agents who shared their dirty thoughts with the world.  After about six months, the addition of a Twitter account, and learning we were 1 of 1000 Mr. and Mrs. Smiths, we decided to purchase a domain and take our blogging to another level.  Our new last name would be Bloggs.   And what better name to talk about the Bloggs sex life than a domain called, “FuckBlogging.”   I guess this is the perfect time for me to mention the title of this blog:

His Story.

History.

Your mind’s blown right?  I didn’t think so.

The rest of our blogging journey can be followed by using our sites navigation interface.  The first month of our blog was the different stories we wrote as Mr. and Mrs. Smith.  Rather than dating them properly, we simply just took all that old content and posted them as soon as we opened this domain.

As far as us deciding to have a threesome goes, that story is still in the works.  From spending time on Twitter and writing articles on our blog, to sitting up late nights discussing some of the things we have written, our journey is just starting.

 

Threesome Memoirs – My Bisexual Awakening

Threesome Memoirs: Table of Contents

threesome

Some of these memoirs / articles may seem like I am repeating previous ideas, but I wrote each memoir seperate while we were searching for the right female partner for a threesome.  As of this writing, I have found a partner and have enjoyed the wonderful experience of a threesome.  Prior to the experience, we did not want to publish articles about our journey because we were uncertain of the outcome. 

Having a threesome partner, who is also a friend can get a bit confusing.  I started out my journey knowing I did not want a lesbian experience, which is really me and another woman alone in a room exploring each other until our tongues went numb.  This was never my goal, as I am a committed wife and my fantasies were focused on women, but not without my husband there. 

Throughout the years there have been times I would watch different videos with Ryan and the ones that interested me the most were the bisexual scenes.  The idea of two women enjoying each other while a penis is in the corner waiting is my ultimate fantasy.  Prior to Ryan, I never really paid much attention to pornography.  At first, I was really only comfortable watching lesbian scenes.  In hindsight, I believe this had more to do with the safety idea of not worrying about his reaction to me seeing another penis that wasn’t his.  Not that I wanted to see another penis, but I just felt more comfortable watching porns that didn’t have a dick in them.   I wanted to be the pure wife I felt I was.  Also, I was a woman and I do feel, unlike men, I just don’t get off watching a man fuck a woman.  I can get that whenever I want.  I can see that whenever I want.   The opportunities for a woman to go out and just hook up with a random guy is endless.  The reason why it’s so hard for men to find these random hook ups?  Most women just aren’t into these fantasies and would rather be emotionally attached prior to having monogamous sex.  If we wanted monogamous porn sex, we’d find a man, marry him, and then fuck him like we’re porn stars.  Which is what I did.

The point is, lesbian sex turned me on, as this was something I’d never experienced and couldn’t get each day, while heterosexual scenes did nothing for me.  Most women just aren’t interested in some guy fucking some some random girl.  Don’t believe me?  Go search craigslist for real random  women searching for random men.  After you get bored of trying to find a real ad, check out the ads for random men searching for random women.  

As a woman, lesbian scenes piqued my interest.  I grew up thinking this was forbidden and that I’d be laughed at for wanting another woman.  I would have  been deathly ashamed if I would have been caught watching a lesbian porn.  My attraction was absolutely there, but I felt shame.  No matter how attracted to women I was, my attraction to men absolutely trumped.  Nothing can replace the feeling of totally being taken by a real man, especially when you love the guy.   Was I bisexual?  I didn’t think so, because I didn’t want to have lesbian sex and I have only been with one man for the last 17 years.

What took my fantasies even further, is watching two women enjoy each other, then a man came in the room with his pretty groomed dick and let both women use his cock as a toy for them to enjoy.  This idea interested me much more than two women using a plastic double ended dildo and moaning on each side of the bed pretending to orgasm.  The best of both worlds.  A real live and breathing cock and a real live and breathing vagina.   In fact, this idea is what took our relationship to the next step.  Yes, I would love to fuck a woman, but only if my man was there with me.  Did he have to be involved?  With me, yes.  With the other woman?  No.  This was what Ryan and I agreed with when we decided to try a “threesome.”  The positives were, I’d find out how attracted to women I really was, if I was comfortable in the situation, and if the experience was something I wanted to do again.  The negatives, I’d actually prefer a threesome with a man and woman I really have feelings for, not just a sleezy one night stand.  Everything else is just settling or baby steps.