Crying During Sex, The First Time She Cried

Last night I found some old naughty polaroids Nessa sent me for the Valentine’s Day before we got married.  As I looked through the pictures I began to think about how much has changed since she stood in front of that camera excited to share her body with me.  Back then, these pictures were almost like a marriage license before you were married.  You didn’t send anyone polaroids of yourself unless you really trusted them.   In fact, I remember one huge argument we got into that ended with her saying, “Whatever, you don’t have to ever talk to me again but please send back my photos.”   I suppose the photos became divorce papers when a boyfriend and girlfriend argue.   Hearing her say that meant this wasn’t just a back and forth argument a new couple goes through, she was seriously considering ending our relationship.  I immediately apologized and let her know I loved her more than anything in the world.

Anyway, seeing the photos reminded me of how beautiful she was.  How lucky I was.  How skinny she looked.  How young she looked.  And yes, how different her body looked seeing her with pubic hair.  I remember in college and throughout the first few years of our marriage I would secretly pull out these pictures and study the details of her body. Then, as cell phones became more popular and every phone had a camera, I put the polaroids away and had my own hidden stash of naughty pictures she would send me or I would take of her on my phone.  The need for the polaroids became obsolete and the memories of what she used to look like faded away.

Until last night.

After seeing the photos I started to think to myself about different things Nessa had done with me over the years that I hadn’t thought about in a while.   As I remembered some things I immediately thought to myself that I should write blogs about these random memories. That was the true intentions of this blog to begin with.

So, that’s what I will do.

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