Threesome Memoirs – What Is A Unicorn?

what is a unicornIn the couples blogging community, more specifically, the sex blogging community, the term lifestyle comes up a lot.  Usually, the word is associated with swingers and the swing lifestyle.  What we do as a couple isn’t swinging, but because I am bisexual and our relationship is open to various women, we can relate a lot of our experiences to other open couples.  Because of this acquaintance, we’ve dealt with the term “unicorn” a lot.   In our lifestyle, and I do consider having female-female-male (FFM) threesomes its own lifestyle, I’d argue the term “unicorn” doesn’t really exist (although we are guilty of using the term).

If the idea of unicorns did exist in our lifestyle, every female we hook up with would be considered a unicorn.  Not only is it not rare, it’s the only activity we participate in.  And until I see a unicorn in real life, you know, a mythical horse with horns, I can’t relate that term to all the naked women that have eaten me out in my bedroom.

For fun, before I came to this conclusion, I browsed around and found different definitions to the term:

Slang for a single, generally bi-sexual female that participates in the lifestyle. Referred to as a “unicorn” because they are so rare.
                                                                                        -Swinger Dictionary

This definition is what helped me make sense of the usage of the term.  Although the following analogy is a bit far-fetched, I think it gets the point across.   Let’s say swingers in the lifestyle are vampires.  Yes, think about swingers as big bad ass vampires that swoon their victims and suck the life from them.  The vampires have their own culture, lifestyle, and sometimes parties where they all get together and celebrate their unique abilities.  A unicorn would be a human girl that hangs out with the vampires.  She doesn’t really want to become a vampire, she doesn’t want to be in a relationship with a guy and be a vampire, she just likes to hang out with vampires and let them have their way with her.  She’s rare because, well, she is human.  Now, what am I?   Because I do not swing and have no interest in fucking other guys or letting Ryan go fuck other girls without me totally involved, I am not a vampire.   I just like to cut myself and see the blood.  Or, I like to bite people and see them in pain, but I do not suck the blood or do everything a vampire does. Since I am not a vampire, I am still human.  Since the human is so rare in the vampire lifestyle, the vampires call her a “unicorn,” but I do not; I call her a girl that’s interested in eating my pussy and sucking Ryan’s dick.   If she does that good, she may even get more.

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Freaky Friday Search Terms – JessTaKit

freakyfridayOn various Fridays we will post our most outrageous search terms that people used to find our website.  Ryan and I will then share our own thoughts and hopefully entertain you guys or at least make the search term make a little less sense.

Each search term was gathered by wordpress and/or google statistics and they are all very real search terms.   Each search term was used by some person in the world that ended up on our page.

This week is a bit different from our previous weeks.  Instead of random crazy keywords, it’s a person’s name.   Each of these keywords was searched various times and apparently led to our site each time.  The problem is, it seems like the keyword is actually an ex-member’s alias and the searcher was none other than his wife.  I feel we are safe using the name jesstakit, because this was just a Twitter/random alias that no longer exists, and it had no real name associated with it.  Also, we will keep the email we received from jesstakit’s wife private.  The Google keywords though?  Public information and this Freaky Friday is a different type of freaky.

10. jesstakit friends
Venice: No big deal you know, just a concerned wife who just found out her husband’s secret moniker and decided to search the wonderful Internet for friends.
Ryan: Yea, nothing can go wrong searching the Internet for aliases.
Venice: Uh huh.
Ryan: I remember the guy, he was pretty friendly.   I’m sure she found a lot of results for this one.
Venice: Yea for sure.  She must have freaked out when the word “fuckblogging.com” returned as a top result.
Ryan: Naa, I just Googled his name and got the following: Soccermom, #Hotwife & #Escort, along with a lot of other not so flattering stuff.
Venice:
 Yea, that isn’t good at all.

9. jesstakit chat
Venice: Again, just a concerned spouse checking up on her man.  No big deal.
Ryan: Yes, we are a clean wholesome site.  I can see why these results led to us.  We are known for our wonderful chats.
Venice: Yes, our traffic is swarming with insightful conversations and comments.  We’ve had to change servers various time because of the amount of delightful chat we get here.
Ryan: To be honest, he probably would read our blog at night, then leave our site,  make his wife a nice romantic dinner, play some mellow jazz…
Venice: …then pull out the butt plugs and inform his wife that semen in the anus is addictive and can create a higher sex drive.
Ryan: That sounds about right.  We’ve helped many couples.

8. i want jesstakit
Venice: Okay wait.  What?
Ryan: Yea, not really sure what’s going on here.  Why the fuck are we a result with this one?
Venice: I just checked.  Pretty much my twitter account is a result with every freaky term you can think of and the word jesstakit.
Ryan: You naughty girl.  You naughty, naughty girl.
Venice: What, me?  Noooooo.

7.  jesstakit hard cock
Venice: Hahahaha.
Ryan: It seems like his wife has went full on private investigator on him.
Venice: Please, for the love of the internet, don’t tell me we have a jesstakit fan picture of his penis with our website’s name written on it.
Ryan: Hah!  How crazy would that be.
Venice: I can’t believe she searched for this term various times and still ended up on our page.

6. jesstakit anal
Venice: Yea, I knew this one was coming.
Ryan: I’m. So. Ashamed.
Venice: Seriously, I feel like we just got sent to the principal’s office and he is reading our dirty letter out loud that the teacher caught me handing to you in math class.
Ryan: Ha!  You remember that?
Venice: “I want to eat your ass hole out.  Not just eat it out, I want to stick my tongue so far inside you that it gives you the feeling you have to use the bathroom…”
Ryan: Haha!  It wasn’t that big of a deal.
Venice: He showed my mom!

5. jesstakit gay
Ryan: Okay, wait.  This is just getting too weird.
Venice: Oh no, were just warming up here.
Ryan: This is bad.

4. jesstakit nice guy
Ryan: Okay, I’m done.  This is fucking outrageous.  We’re playing with peoples lives here!
Venice: Oh really Ryan?  That’s where you draw your line huh.  Nice guy?
Ryan: Yes dammit.  I’m a man, and he is my brother in arms.  It’s a man rule that you never throw your damn brother under the bus.  I’m stopping here.  This is NOT right.
Venice: Uh huh.  Way to watch your brother’s back Ryan.  We only have like 3 left.
Ryan: Viva la revolución.

That’s all for the freaky terms this week.  We’ve shown enough.

Venice: I think you guys get the point.  Some freaky things have happened since we started this blog.
Ryan: Angry boyfriends, private investigating wives, cock pictures with your face scratched into the head of the penis with a clothing pin.
Venice: Yea, just typical fan stuff.  It’s why I love blogging and sharing my thoughts with our readers.
Ryan: We should make like an iPhone game and call it Angry Boyfriends.
Venice: That would be neat. Maybe have like a stack of dildos making house shapes with different girls faces in the windows.
Ryan: Yea, and like, you shoot the Angry Boyfriends across the screen into the Dildo houses and try to free the girls faces.
Venice: Trademark!
Ryan: Copyright!

 

 

Threesome Memoirs – Is My Wife Bisexual?

Venice read over the article and added her own commentary where she felt it was needed prior to publishing.  

2589271Is my wife bisexual?

Think about this question for a minute. Do all men at some point ask this question about their wives? If you didn’t know anything about our blog and what we have been through, what would come to your mind first when you see me ask that question?

I’ll play along.

The first thing I’d think is that the husband is probably curious about the way his wife is behaving. I know for me, I’ve always wondered about Venice’s sexual preference. I knew her best friend was a lesbian and living with another girl, I knew she really enjoyed watching lesbian videos, and I always felt her personality made her feel like a best friend, not a girl friend. She didn’t wear make up, didn’t spend much time fixing her hair, and she could out “joke” me. She just didn’t feel like your everyday girl. At least, not one I had ever dated. However, she always told me that her best friend wasn’t “out” when they were in high school and the video thing is more of being ‘turned on’ by something she knows she would never do. As far as her personality goes, she said I should stop overanalyzing it.

I did.

What are some other reasons husbands may ask this question though? Maybe they caught their wives sizing up other girls or they are openly flirty around other women. Maybe the question is less of a question and more of wishful thinking. It’s not uncommon to ask a question that really isn’t a question, instead it’s just a method used to push an issue or agenda (like this article you’re reading now). It’s not unheard of that a man would actually enjoy his wife being bisexual. In fact, I’d think most men would find out that information and immediately think they could either watch their wife play with another woman or actively participate in a threesome. This is probably why most women are hesitant to ever openly admit they are bisexual. Unlike men, our society doesn’t have a negative stigma associated with women being bisexual. It isn’t a flaw or a sign of weakness. So why would a woman ever keep being bisexual a secret? Well, for one, she just isn’t interested in her man thinking he can have another woman. She’d rather never explore her bisexual side, or explore her bisexual side secretly without including her husband. And unfortunately, this sometimes leads to a woman cheating on her husband with another couple, simply to experience a threesome while keeping her own husband to herself. That sounds crazy huh? How can a woman like women, sometimes even having an affair with a woman and the other woman’s husband, but never come out to her own husband? Embarrassment, jealousy, possession, and lack of trust.

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Q&A: My Husband Kept Track Of Me Rejecting Sex

spreadsheetI will try to make this as short as possible.  I have already posted this other places but I also wanted to get opinions from certain blogs I read every now and then. The consensus elsewhere was very mixed, although a lot of people sided with my husband actions.

Anyway, I left for a 10 day business trip and received an email from my husband while I was waiting in the airport.  The email was very negative and accused me of checking out of our marriage due to the fact I had turned down sex or rejected sex with him several times.  After reading the email, I felt I was blamed for a lot of our problems and I guess sex was the biggest issue.  I have tried to call my husband and he will not answer his phone.  In his email, he included a spread sheet which I have attached to this email. The spreadsheet supposedly shows all the days and reasons I turned him down.  I do not remember most of these days but, I do know that I keep the house clean and make dinner for him most nights.  I also work full time and go the gym frequently because lately my self image has dropped drastically.   I don’t see any spreadsheets regarding when I did housework or made him dinner, so I guess that isn’t as important to him?

According to his ‘document’, we’ve only had sex 3 times in the last 7 weeks, out of 27 “attempts” on his part.

I admit, our sex life has tapered in the last few months, but isn’t that allowed? We are adults leading busy, stressful lives. I cook for him, I do his laundry, I keep our house clean and tidy. It’s not like our sex life was going to be this way forever, it was a temporary slow-down due to extenuating circumstances.

My weekday routine has been shower, go to work, get off at 4pm, go home and cook dinner, go to the gym, watch some TV, sleep. He’s never up to have sex in the morning, and I never want to have sex after being all sweaty and gross from the gym.

Am I wrong here or is my husband acting childish?

Venice’s response:

Is he acting childish? I don’t think so. It’s pretty sad that he has to resort to a spreadsheet to remind you that you aren’t giving him sex or intimacy. He has to arm himself with documentation to show you that you’re being a crappy wife, which is pretty pathetic on your part. He has anticipated you responding to his complaints with, “I do give you sex.  It’s not that bad, we have sex a few times a week.  Prove that I don’t.” Good for him, bad for you. Your sex life “taper[ing] in the last few months” is downright ridiculous and absolutely should not be acceptable. We all lead busy lives – work, family, chores, not to mention the unexpected events you can’t plan for. But that’s life and it will never get easier. You have to adapt and not allow your marriage to suffer because you’re tired from LIFE.

As a working mother, I understand how difficult it can be to balance family priorities, work priorities, and wife priorities. However, believe it or not, the easiest of the three is probably wife priorities. I’ve learned to rearrange my day based on the time I need to start my husband’s day off right. And if it means waking up 15 minutes early, missing a TV show, making a meal that requires little prep time, or all of the above, then I am more than happy to do it. The little things that take up your time add up, so I take that time back. Trust me – it can be done. The first thing I did was to whittle down watching TV to about 1-2 hours a week. TV does nothing for me and unless we’re watching something together, it’s a waste of time, for me at least. Learn to prioritize and figure out what things matter the most in your life, what makes the biggest impact on your marriage and decide on how you can change these things to strengthen your relationship and marriage.

I found that if my man is happy in bed, things just fall into place. I, myself, am more happy when I know I’ve satisfied my man. I know that he isn’t sexually frustrated, therefore he’s in a better mood. He tends to give me more affection, be more patient, and be extra loving.  And most of all, he is more proactive in ensuring the little things I care about also get done.  I take care of his needs, he takes care of mine.

Ryan’s response:

So wait, you went 27 days without sex, even knowing you were leaving on a 10 day business trip?  I mean, I understand you are trying to paint the picture that he is childish and overreacting…but 27 days?   Seriously?  You expect him to be happy not being intimate with his wife after 27 days, knowing you are leaving for 10 more days and still ignoring his needs?   That would be 37 days totally sexless for your husband.   Do you honestly feel that is justifiable?   How do you forget that you are leaving on a business trip and not take care of your husband’s needs before you leave?

I’d rather have a dirty house and eat Top Ramen every night for 37 days than go sexless.  I’d rather eat a shit sandwich and wake up in a pile of dirty laundry than be ignored by my wife for 37 days.  Is missing your television show really more important than missing your marriage?

You should be the one doing the Q&A, because I have so many questions for you.

I’m noticing reading the spreadsheet that you used the excuse, “I feel gross and sweaty” multiple times.  Not only that, you refuse to take a shower after going to the gym so you remain “gross and sweaty” throughout the night?  So many shades of wrong there. First of all, shower when you get home from the gym.  If that means you have to add an extra shower in your schedule, do that.  Not that showering habits are something we help people with, but in your case, your showering habits are possibly hurting your relationship.  It’s also very possible you may not enjoy sex at night because after sex, you have to wash off (or yes, even shower).  Apparently you only want to shower in the morning?  I would be extremely disgusted if Venice came back from the gym and just slept in our bed.  Not just sweat, dirt, and body odor, but also, staph, sweat, and germs from a 100 other people that used the gym equipment that night.  Absolutely disgusting.

If Venice was to say to me she feels dirty and gross when I suggest sex to her, I’d just respond, “Let’s take a shower together then.”  Not in a mean demanding way, but this is just common sense to me.  However, usually after a workout, I can’t keep Venice off of me.  She is playful when she is sweaty and actually enjoys staying sweaty and killing two birds with one stone.

Time management.

In your defense, it is possible your husband didn’t really want to try hard to get sex because he knew he was keeping track of all your silly excuses for 7 weeks.   The spreadsheet wouldn’t mean much if he actually pushed the issue and ended up getting sex more than 3 times.  So maybe the spreadsheet is a little over the top, but it worked.   I don’t see how anyone can read that spreadsheet and not see there is a problem with your relationship.

I’ve preached about intimacy in the past.  A healthy couple should practice intimacy each day.  And before this reply gets side swiped by someone suggesting, “Well, sex isn’t the only form of  intimacy!”  That’s correct, but it’s the form I need each day to feel close to my soul mate. If you have another form of intimacy you would like to practice each day, then stack that on top of having sex each day so both people in the relationship get the intimacy they need daily. Because there are different forms of intimacy doesn’t mean one is replaceable. Sex is how two people bond physically and mentally.  Sex is how a marriage becomes a unit, a single person.  Even if just for a brief period, you both have the same goal.  No matter what is going on in your life, you are both operating and functioning together as one.  This is why intimacy is so important.  You exercise each day for a healthy heart, you have sex and intimacy each day for a healthy marriage.

Him not answering the phone is nothing more than showing you how serious this issue is.  If you have not been answering your biological phone for his intimacy needs for 27 days, don’t get upset when he doesn’t answer the phone for a few hours because of your need to talk to him.  He is busy.  Maybe he is doing the laundry or making himself dinner?  Maybe he is feeling gross because he is laying around after spending time in the gym?  I mean, he may call you back in the morning but he probably doesn’t want to be woke up.  No big deal, don’t overreact or act childish about it.  If he doesn’t call you back in 7 weeks, email us back.

spreadsheet

The Vagina Dialogues – Vaginal Plastic Surgery

Previous Vagina Dialogue

vaginal plastic surgeryHave you ever pulled into an 10 minute oil change shop and thought to yourself, “I wish they had 10 minute vagina repair shops.”   Sure you have, we all have.

Some doctors say vaginal surgery can increase pleasure and improve appearance, but these procedures are rarely medically necessary, are hardly ever covered by insurance, and can cause nerve damage.   A few of the so-called corrections offered:

Labiaplasty (Labial Reduction Surgery) – $6,000 +
Labial reduction surgery is performed to correct enlargement of the labia. Enlargement of the labia minora (inner vaginal lips) affects many women in the United States. The medical term for enlargement of the labia minora is labial hypertrophy. Women who have an enlarged labia minora experience larger outer lips that protrude beyond the labia majora. Women may suffer from pain during exercise, sexual intercourse, cycling, and horseback riding, as well as when wearing tight jeans.

Labia minora reduction is a procedure done in an outpatient setting under local anesthesia and mild sedation. Labiaplasty surgery reduces an enlarged labia minora with little or no visible scarring. During this procedure, the surgeon will contour, reshape, and reduce the size of the labia. The procedure results in a sleeker, thinner appearance of the labia. After the surgery, the patient must get 2 to 3 days of bed rest and apply ice to the area.  This can reduce the size of the inner or outer labia and even out asymmetrical lips. However, visibly asymmetrical and uneven lips are actually the norm.

Ryan: Not only the norm, but how I’d hope most men prefer to see a woman’s vagina.
Venice: Do you think men want symmetrical vaginas?
Ryan: Men?  No.  Boys?  Maybe.
Venice: Ah.
Ryan: The best part about pulling down a woman’s panties is seeing her vagina.  Her unique shape, smell, size, and yes, how her lips appear.   I mean, other than me experiencing you, we’ve been with the same girls.  What do you think?
Venice: Nothing turns me on more than seeing a woman spread her legs and show me her vagina.  It’s why I am bisexual.   I’ve never really looked at the vagina and thought it was anything but sexy, and I love the variety.
Ryan: What about your own?
Venice: See, that’s funny.  Of course I have thought about what it would be like if my vagina wasn’t sideways, the same as I have thought about my breasts being uneven.  But I’ve never looked at another girl and felt anything but turned on.
Ryan: Welcome to my world.

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