Random Moments: The Teabag Saga

teabagYesterday morning I walked into the bedroom and ask Venice if she wanted to go out for lunch. Venice excitedly said she did.  I cleaned up and got dressed.  As I came out of the bathroom I noticed Venice was still lying in bed.  I told her that if she fell asleep I was going to teabag her.   She laughed and said she wasn’t going to go to sleep.  A few moments later she asked me to lay in the bed next to her for a second, she wanted to cuddle for a while before we left. I laid down in bed and she wrapped herself around me.  I immediately felt my jeans unzipping.  I am not wearing briefs so as soon as my zipper is down, she has a hold of my penis.  She gripped it with both hands tightly while laying on my chest and said, “You aren’t teabagging me.”

At this point, I realized I had been trapped.  Venice was going to take a nap and there wasn’t anything I could do about it.  I was going to be stuck with my penis in her hands and her head on my chest until she woke up. However, I had different plans.  I decided to wait patiently, as this is a technique I had learned while camping in multiple games of Call of Duty: Black Ops, and attack when she least expected it. Camping and patience always gets you the kill and the teabag.  When her breathing gets heavy, I will slowly slide my cock from her grips.  Once free, Operation Teabag will be activated.

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Review: Clone-A-Willy Kit

clone-a-willyOh the joy of giving Venice both of my cocks in each of her holes at the same time. Maybe even having her hide my cock in her purse and take it to work with her so she can fuck me on her lunch breaks.  What if I get hurt or paralyzed and can never have sex again?  I’ve got to find a way to preserve my cock just in case, like a penis insurance policy.   I can imagine my attorney reading my Last Will and Testament now:

My Attorney, Mr. Finglefockin, looks over at Venice, who is in tears, “Venice, Ryan has left you his erect penis.  He has asked that each year on his birthday, please insert his cock into each of your holes and enjoy him.”   Venice, wipes her tears and smiles, giving my cloned cock a kiss and hug.  And they live happily every after.

I have to clone my willy.

After searching the internet I eventually found  Clone-A-Willy Kit, by Empire Labs.  It was around $25 dollars and it seemed like what I was looking for.  When I received the item, Venice and I planned our night around it.  I watched YouTube videos and read the instructions to make sure I did everything correctly.  I had a mixing bowl on the counter that I had to add liquid to as soon as I got an erection.  I then had to stir the mix until until it was like a thick gravy and pour it into a cylinder tube as fast as possible.   I then have to maintain my erection for 2 minutes while I wait for the mold to dry around my penis.

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Between My Sheets Top Sex Bloggers of 2014 List

betweenmysheets.comOne of the first sex blogs I read online and it is an honor to make Rori’s Top Sex Blogger of 2014 list. This was actually one of our small goals when we first started blogging and I am glad we reached that goal.  It took us 2 years!   If you haven’t checked out Rori and her page at Betweenmysheets.com, then go check her out.

 Top Sex Bloggers of 2014

Q&A: Opinions On Buying A Huge Dildo For My Wife?

HugeBeen married 19 years and our sex life really got good again a couple years ago. I am 43 and she is 41.

She has a low sex drive and hates to talk about sex, so I usually just try stuff and sometimes it sticks. I noticed one night on giving her an erotic massage I was fingering her and I kept adding fingers. I couldn’t believe how much she was taking but she was loving it and eventually had a small vaginal orgasm which is rare (she is clitoral).

She doesn’t like to admit such things but she admitted liking this. I told her I had 4 fingers in there and she looked at me like don’t tell me that. So…like I said, she doesn’t like to talk about it.

I have kidded around about a large dildo. She usually laughs but sometimes looks interested. She took advantage of my birthday by saying, “if you really want to use one on me, you can.” BTW – I am above average. I don’t think she would have ever considered until realizing the “stretch” I gave her with my hands felt so good. Plus, she has become more vaginal in the past year and even squirting.

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The Male Orgasm Rating System

umbrellaSo, why do we blog? Because we are weird and do weird shit.   Somewhere along the lines we decided to share these weird things with the rest of the world because, well, why not?

We didn’t get into blogging for traffic or to sell sex products.  We didn’t even know if our blog would ever be read by anyone other than ourselves.  However, we both got off on the idea that our random thoughts and sexual experiences would be online for us to read whenever we wanted.   Almost like a public diary.

Dear Diary:

Today I am going to create a rating system for my orgasms.  Why? Because yesterday as Venice was giving me a blow job I couldn’t stay still.  She had both of her hands around my dick stroking me while she kept the head of my penis in her mouth.  This technique literally gets me so high that I cannot function.  My eyes water up, my ears get hot, my face goes numb, and I literally feel like I have no control over my body.  Like when getting a buzz from alcohol (I’m a very happy drinker) or some sort of drug, everything I look at gives me this euphoric feeling.   For instance, when I am in this high drug-like state, I look down at Venice and she is like an absolute angel.  My mind is in an extremely positive state and everything about her makes me happy.  Her looks, her body, her personality, everything, becomes angelic.   It seems chauvinistic, but I swear a woman is at her most beautiful when she has a dick in her mouth.  I don’t know if it’s the addiction to this feeling it creates or I am just a douchebag and like seeing Venice suck my cock.  However, my truth, between you and me Diary, she never looks more perfect than when she is giving me oral sex.  I do not care if she has spit all over herself and my dick, has tears running down her face, pulls my dick out and beats it against her own face saying how much it hurts, is moaning with each slurp like my dick is the best meal she has ever had, and is twisting her neck back and forth in weird motions just to let me know she wants to rub her jaw and mouth on every angle of my penis, she is flawless.  Beyond a super model. I feel some women do not get that they create this feeling in men.  They see oral sex as submissive or disrespectful.  If they do give you oral sex it’s slow, with little movement, as if they are eating at a classy dinner table and want to use proper etiquette.   The more you try to be polite, the more awkward you look. If you stop to wipe off spit, or giggle because you feel uncomfortable, you are ruining the moment.  Sucking our dicks and then not touching it because you may get your own spit on your hands is an absolute mood killer.  There is no nice classy way to give your man oral sex.  You either suck him with authority and put inhibition on the back burner, or you are not really that good at giving head.  That is it.  If you still feel like a lady while you are sucking your man, you probably aren’t doing it right.

Back to the point.  Good thing this is only for me and my Diary, otherwise I’d have to explain to the readers why my thoughts are so random and all over the place. By the way, if you aren’t me and you are reading this, please stop now.  No one gave you permission to look through my Diary.  Just because it’s here on the blog doesn’t mean it’s right for you to snoop through my shit.  Shame on you.

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