Jealousy in Threesomes

jealousy-open-relationshipI’ve mentioned before that I once read a sex blogger suggest that a way for a couple to spice up their sex life is to have a threesome. I cannot emphasize enough how detrimental that is. A threesome for a 20-something couple who’ve been dating for six months and still text in emojis is not the same as a threesome for a married couple who’ve been married 15+ years and have talked extensively about the logistics and repercussions. I’m not saying that every couple reacts a certain way to threesomes; it depends on the length of time together, their experience, their history, their levels of maturity, etc. What I am saying is that couples in healthy relationships are less susceptible to the fallout of a life-changing decision such as a threesome. I refused to stay in the mindset of a little girl when my relationship with and marriage to my husband. So I write this blog in an effort to offer some insight to other women (and men) who’ve given any thought to allowing others into their bed.

To begin, it is my humble opinion, and from personal experience, that the reason why threesomes don’t work in relationships may be because of jealousy.

  • Jealousy that the other woman will suck your man’s dick better
  • Jealousy that he will get hard for her and not for you
  • Jealousy that he will think she is sexier than you
  • Jealousy that she will try to take over in bed and make you feel inferior
  • Jealousy that he will give her too much attention or ignore you altogether
  • Jealousy that either one of them will break the pre-discussed boundaries in the heat of the moment
  • Jealousy that, after she leaves, he will ask you to do “that thing that she did to him”
  • Jealousy that he won’t stop fantasizing about her
  • Jealousy that he will call her behind your back for a private fuck session

These are all thoughts that went through my mind at least once, and which I’m sure that have gone through many women’s (and maybe even men’s) minds. Is it natural to have these thoughts? Hell yes! If I didn’t, then I didn’t feel loved and cared about. My whole marriage I was used to having the man who I dedicated my life to to belong only to me. I was never asked if he could be shared. I was never asked to explore outside or away from each other, separately. They never crossed our minds. Even when these thoughts of jealousy plagued my mind, I had to remember that the important thing was maintaining a strong line of communication between me and Ryan, one that we’d been working on keeping open and honest. I’d always been very quiet and refused to let him know what’s on my mind. I blame it on my Asian upbringing and being forced to never talk back. But that’s neither here nor there.

Continue reading