This is a list of my movies that are so bad they’re good. They’re my guilty pleasures, but I also
10. Fred: The Movie – The first time I watched this movie, I didn’t even think there was a story line. I was too busy wondering how they got his voice perfectly synchronized with his mouth. Best scene: Fred lipsynching to “Solid as a Rock.”
9. Waterworld – I don’t think the world takes Kevin Costner seriously. Maybe because his acting is splotchy, unconvincing, and at times, downright shitty. I don’t recall him doing a movie where he’s had to raise his voice, cry, or do an accent. I bet you’re thinking of one now, aren’t you?
8. The Postman – You really shouldn’t be surprised to see two Kevin Costner movies on this list. Actually, you should expect a third, but I don’t think I have room for “The Bodyguard.” There I said it.
7. The Jerk – Watching this movie as a kid, I totally loved it. I couldn’t figure out why anyone would call the poor white kid adopted by a black family a jerk. Again, probably best to watch this movie drunk. At least twice.
6. I Don’t Buy Kisses Anymore – This movie starred “Seinfeld” star Jason Alexander and one-hit wonder sensation Nia Peeples. This is like “Beauty and the Beast” if it were a LIfetime movie original re-make. And probably best to watch only once. And drunk.
5. High School Musical – I actually liked this movie at first and even played the soundtrack in my car. How could anyone not love Zac Efron…he just wants to siiiiiiiiiing. I read an article where Zac Efron’s grandfather made the comment that he always knew Zac could (something along those lines). Then I found out that Zac Efron didn’t do any of the singing in HSM, but rather it was a singer/songwriter by the name of Drew Seely. What in holy crap. The movie was called “High School Musical”…and he didn’t even sing? What’s next – you gonna tell me Tom Cruise isn’t really a pilot and that the Dangerzone isn’t even real?
4. Lost and Found – Remember that hot lady from Braveheart who got pregnant with Mel Gibson’s love child? She’s in this movie. And she falls for David Spade. You heard right – David Spade. Talk about falling off the wagon. Funny scene: Artie Lange (Wally) and David Spade are snuggling in bed in boxers. David Spade jumps up and looks at the matching boxers Wally is wearing. “Where did you get those?” he says and points at the stretched garter around his friend’s waist. “In the hamper. (smiley face) I had to dig a little.”
3. Freaks – In its day, this was probably the only way people could see “freaks.” My favorite line: “I am a man! She loves me…for me!”
2. The Human Centipede – If you were fortunate enough to watch this movie when it was on Netflix, you’re one of the lucky ones. This was the first of its kind that I’ve seen. The whole time I kept thinking, “Oh damn…this is NOT going to turn out good.”
1. The Room – The dialogue here is probably the worse-written of all the movies I’ve ever seen…and I’ve seen a lot of movies. It’s as if the script had been written by an eight-year-old German boy, translated in Korean, then in Chinese, before finally being translated into English. Then imagine the eight-year-old boy’s story about his girlfriend cheating on him with his best friend is performed by his classmates. Ryan and I heard about this movie through forums and decided to buy it because we knew it would become an instant classic. To this day, my kid is compelled to show “The Room” to all her friends who spend the night at our house. And we let her…because it’s THAT BAD. worst movies ever