Q&A – Love Her, Love Her Not. Sexually Incompatible

sexual incompatibilityHi Nessa and Ryan,

I’d like to ask your advice. I’m currently living with this girl I met in college. We’ve been together a while and we get along really well. Because of work, I will need to move away in a few months. Our locations leave me two options: marry her or break up.

Now I would probably marry her, except the sex is not great. It’s good, but she doesn’t like anal. She couldn’t continue during the few times we tried. She also can’t deepthroat and isn’t great at blowjobs. And I haven’t even mentioned ass to mouth. Those things are really important to me and I can’t stand the thought of never engaging in them again.

Would I be making a bad choice to pass up a good relationship like I currently have? If I did, and I never met anyone else, I’d kick myself for giving up what I had. But if I marry her, I’d probably hate myself for signing up for a lifetime of being sexually incompatible.

Any advice? Thanks, and good luck on your awesome sexual adventures.

Nessa’s response:
If your love for her can see past her sexual shortcomings, then hold on to her.  Kinky sex is not a driving force in a relationship.

Okay, now that I got that out of the way…

Kinky sex may not be a driving force in a relationship, specifically one where the people in the relationship don’t want to hurt the other’s feelings or want to communicate to each other for fear of being left, cheated on, etc., but many times it will take a back seat in a marriage. If it gets to that point, you’ll kick yourself because you know that you chose to be with someone who wasn’t perfect (for you). It’s important to work out these differences BEFORE you marry someone. In your case, it’s like waiting to get married to consummate the relationship. Yes, you can always say, “I love her for the person she is, not so I can have kinky sex anytime I want,” (which is a silly excuse, in my opinion), but if you think about it, we ALL marry someone for the person they are. I married Ryan because he has proven his loyalty to me, he loves the things about me that I consider flaws, and he’s got a fat penis. Those were all important things to me while we were just dating and they’re still important to me. I didn’t marry him after he cheated on me or after he’d said, “I love you, but could you please lose 10 pounds?” or because he has more than a micropenis.

Continue reading