Okay, so I left my phone at the bank. Let me translate. I lost my homemade porn storage device at a place where there are 5 nosy women just looking for something to do. I think losing my phone may be in my personal top 5 of my biggest fears. Forget my credit cards, forget my cash, I just do not want to lose my mobile smut machine.
Speaking of my smut machine, it may be time to send this machine to the mechanic (trashcan) for an upgrade. For weeks now my phone has been messing up. After I am done using my phone and lay it down, later when I pick it up it is still on (the screen is just black), or the power is totally dead. I also noticed that there is no lock screen when this happens. If I turn the phone back on, it will be on exactly what I was looking at last without a lock screen.
With that being said, I had to run to the bank and get into a safe security box for work. Before I left, I may have been glancing at twitter. Don’t ask me why I look at smut on twitter at work in the middle of the day, because usually I don’t. However, if I publish a blog I will check out twitter to make sure my blog published or see who commented. Every now and then I will see some random *.gif tweeted that I will click, just to get a closer look. I call it: pussy click bait. I’m a man, I can’t help it.
So I ran into the bank and showed my identification, which is in my phone case. I got in and out quick and got what I needed. About 2 hours later I got a call at my office from a clerk at the bank. When I picked up the line she said, “Hello Ryan, did you forget something?”
I responded, “What, my keys?” I had no idea why I said that because I couldn’t have drove back to work without my keys. I just really had no idea why she was calling.
She laughed and said, “Are you missing your wallet?”
Fuck, my wallet. Otherwise known as my fucking phone. Otherwise known as if you click the gallery icon you end up seeing about 50 cock pics of myself, in various random positions that Venice requests during the day, face showing, smiling, and looking like a total toolbag. You’d also see about 500 various shots of Venice and her vagina, face, titties, ass, whatever. That “wallet” is my porn stash.