Review: Mini Emma by Svakom

mini emma 1How many vibrators can my vagina handle before they all feel the same? This will probably be our last review for a while, but the good news is, we saved one of the best for last.  The Mini Emma.  Described as a miniature wand with the power of a full sized wand. What that means to me is, this skinny little thing is going to feel like my Hitachi Wand?  Yea, we’ll see.

It’s not the size that matters, it’s the way you use it.

As with most of the sex toys these days, the product is boxed nicely and feels like you’re opening a new cellphone. Everything is in perfect order with an instruction booklet, a USB power cord, and this pink cigar shaped object that claims to be as powerful as my “never fails” wand.

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Review: Tiani™ 24K by LELO

LELO_Insignia_Tiani_24k_packaging_shot_black_xWell, LELO and it’s customer service are bar none, the best we’ve worked with. Their items? The best we’ve played with. The Tiani™ 24K is no exception. Now, the 24K edition of this toy is not yet released (it should be released after this review has been published). It’s absolutely stunning. Truthfully, sex toys really shouldn’t be this beautiful, because it really only takes Ryan and I just a few minutes to get our cum all over them.  But let’s get to the Tiani™.  You’ve probably seen a very popular design that resembles the Tiani™. Yes, I am talking about the We-Vibe, which we personally didn’t have a great experience with. So you’re probably wondering why we would review a toy very similar in design. Because  you should buy the Tiani™ rather than the We-Vibe. Well let me say, We-Vibe had a great idea, with mediocre implementation.  LELO fixed what was my biggest issue with the We-Vibe, comfort.

LELO_Insignia_Tiani_24k_Product_Black_2xBeing familiar with the design meant we needed very little prep time for this review session. I came out of the shower and looked at Ryan already on the bed slowly stroking his semi erect penis. He was already lubed up so we were ready to go. I came over to the bed and grabbed his penis and started stroking it for him. As I would switch hands, I would rub the free hand, now moist with lubrication from Ryan’s dick, on my own vagina to make sure the Tiani™ could easily slide inside me. The only problem? Ryan felt too erect.  Yes, too erect. We have been together for over 17 years and if his dick is too hard, it can be extremely uncomfortable for me. You’d think after all these years my insides would have morphed to match with his penis like a puzzle, but a majority of the time Ryan is at about 85%, where his penis still has flexibility. This slight give in his penis is what feels the most comfortable for me. However, when I orgasm through penetration, it’s usually due to the deep pain and rough sensations I need when I am horny. Sometimes I love the punishment, sometimes I don’t. Tonight, it has me a bit tensed up because I’m not in the mood to have my insides destroyed. I getmy penetration orgasms are always due to the stabbing deep pain. Why does sex have to be so complex? so it has some give while inside my body. When he has his high school erection, it’s like being fucked by a large wooden stick that just destroys my insides no matter how much we lubricate. Not that sex is overrated, but sex with a penis that has no give is extremely overrated for me, especially from certain angles.

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Dear 11-Year-Old Ryan

Dear 11-year-old Ryan,

My name is Nessa and I’m writing to you from the future. In case you don’t believe me let me say a few things. You’re allergic to mushrooms, you have a turtle shaped birthmark on your shoulder, and you get up five minutes early every morning to put your sheets in the hamper because of a certain kind of “accident.” Just kidding about that last one…no I’m not!!! We won’t meet for a few years, but I have a few things to tell you before we do. I’m writing to you as your wife of over 15 years. I know that must answer a few questions like, “Will I ever live to see 30?” “Will I ever get married?” The answer is yes and yes! I don’t really want to ruin your future too much, but as a 11 year old boy, what could I possibly talk about that you’d be interested in?

Okay, let’s talk about your future girlfriends.

In a few months you will have your first kiss.  You will be followed around the skating ring by a cute girl, and eventually, at the end of the night, kiss her. The next week you will find out she talked to another boy and when she walks up to you to give you a hug, you will scoot her out of the way without saying a word. In fact, you never talked to her again.

lexi1In the 7th grade, an Indian girl will have a crush on you. She and her friend will call your house and ask you why you are so mean to her or why you don’t like her, and even write letters saying the same. You will think she is very cute, but to everyone else in class she is seen as very clumsy.  Sadly, you will think she is nice and pretty, but because of race and because of her being known to be clumsy, you would rather be single than deal with your classmates wondering why you would date someone like her. You will never date her. At Christmas she will give everyone in class a lollipop and a small note. Your note will be super long. After you read the first few lines, you will ask your friend to see his note and it will be like, “It’s a good time to be happy!” (end note). You letter will start, “All year I really have been nice to you and don’t understand what I did to make you so… ” You will stop there and throw the note in the garbage. Don’t feel bad. You’re not the only one who has missed an opportunity to be happy because of peer pressure. Like the time when you were 4 and you had a crush on your neighbor, the one who everyone said you were boyfriend & girlfriend with. mudYes, I know about that 🙂 I know that you played together every day and made mud pies, but after everyone teased you, you were purposely mean to her because you’d rather be “single” and not make mud pies than be teased for having a girlfriend. You really liked her but society made you hate her. I had a friend just like that when I was your age who I played with every day, got teased the same way too. And, like you, I was purposely mean. But what I did was knock him down as he was sitting on the trunk of his parents’ car and made him land on the car hitch. I walked away as he stood crying. Anyway, you will end up marrying a very dark Filipino woman to make up for your racism. You and I are cut from the same cloth, which is probably why we are drawn to each other.

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Review: Womanizer by EPI24

Lieferumfang_W100_magenta_largeThe Womanizer is not your normal woman’s sex toy. When I got the product, I didn’t know that, but after turning it on it didn’t take me long to realize that I wasn’t dealing with your average sex toy that shakes your vagina until you have no choice but to orgasm before your pelvis goes numb. The truth is, a lot of times I will use a product for a review, take mental notes on how it feels, not achieve an orgasm, and throw it to the side and ask Ryan to fuck me so I can get off. This wasn’t one of those times.

w100_magenta_perspektive_largeSo what makes the womanizer different? Well, it has a sort of suction function that pulls your clitoris up inside the soft silicone circle area and only vibrates that exact area. In fact, when my clitoris was inside the suction area, the vibrator was almost completely silent…and so was I. It was like putting my little clit in a straight jacket, then throwing it inside a padded room and letting it bounce against the walls like an insane person.  Ryan knows when to leave me alone. If my eyes close, my free hand instinctively spreads my vulva, I stop breathing, and my head drops back, it’s about to be on.

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Q&A: I’m 20 and Want To Date A 65 Year Old Woman

grandmaI’m a 20 year-old guy who’s a virgin, but who’s known this older (like around 64-65 years old) woman all my life. She’s still sexually attractive for her age, and I wouldn’t mind getting in a relationship with her. I figure that it could be beneficial for both of us: I could get some experience with a woman who’s had sex before, and she could A.) get some hopefully decent sex (since I doubt she’s gotten any in years) and B.) know that she’s still desirable. Plus, I figure there would be little to no chance of pregnancy or STDs, since she’s post-menopausal and I don’t think either of us have been able to pick up any bugs recently. The relationship probably wouldn’t last for very long (hence my calling it a “fling”), but that doesn’t mean it wouldn’t be worth a go.

However, just because I’m interested, doesn’t necessarily mean she is. She has rather Victorian view on sex and relationships, and we’d have to get around that before anything could happen. It’s not that she’s religiously conservative; she’s just old-fashioned.  She doesn’t know what to think of homosexuality or transgender people (her attitude is often slightly negative on those subjects), and she doesn’t seem to approve of relationships where there’s a large age gap. However, in a short-term relationship like this, the only disadvantage I can think of in regards to age gaps is if the older partner is taking advantage of the younger one, and I don’t think that would happen here. (Since I’d likely be the one initiating the relationship, and since she’s kinda meek in general.) Plus, she’s post-menopausal (I’ve heard that menopause can kill a lady’s sex drive) and on antidepressants (which I’ve heard can also kill sex drive). Even with the antidepressants, she’s got low self-esteem, so that combined with her age may make it so that it may not even occur to her that anyone can be sexually attracted to her. Plus, she’s married. I don’t think infidelity would be her greatest concern, but it would be on her mind.

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