Rating Your Penis Selfies: The Deer Hunter (nsfw)

selfieThinking about sending that hottie you just met on tinder your penis selfie? Maybe your twitter finger is a bit itchy and you want to show the world what you are working with? Well before you do that, maybe you should think about letting a neutral eye critique it first. Who knows, you may lose the possible future love of your life because you sent a penis pic that wasn’t up to a woman’s standards.  Yea, some women may enjoy a photoshopped 12 inch cock that is so warped the chair in the background of the photo has taken on a whole new shape, or a picture of your penis with a with a rose sticking out of its penis hole, while in the background there is a toilet filled with a log that is double the size of your schlong, but you can never get a second chance to make a first dick selfie impression! Listen fellas, let’s face it, a penis pic is a dime a dozen. There is very little demand and a whole lot of supply. What sets apart your dick from a porn stars isn’t going to be its size or shape, but the creativeness of the photo itself. That’s what women give a second look at. With that being said, let’s see if you can separate your penis selfie from the pack.  Think quality, artistry, vision, grooming style, and of course, penis placement!  You can submit your pics by emailing me at penisselfies@gmail.com.

The Deer Hunter

2016-02-16Well, where is he? I can’t see him! How unusual to see a penis floating in the middle of a bathroom. If I were a deer, I’d probably be dead because I would be shot whilst standing still trying to figure out what exactly I was looking at. The last thing I’d see is a floating penis wearing blue jeans with an awkwardly placed white stain.

So where to begin? At first we have what appears to be a man’s man, with a camouflage Texas Longhorns shirt on. Oh yea, this is a penis selfie built FORD tough for sure. American made.

That’s what I thought at first…

But the more I stare, the more reality sinks in. Has it sank in for you yet? Are we in sync with this one? The ole’ cinco de mayo of Penis Selfies for sure.

Seriously, who the hell has a camouflage sink….and why? Do you hunt deer from your bathroom? Nothing stands out more in this photo than your sink.

Quality wise, the focal point is blurred, as it seems the toilet is more in focus than the actual penis. It’s never good to have a toilet in your penis selfie, ever. That’s an automatic C or C- by default. However, by the looks of that toilet, I bet his mom uses Scrub Free Bathroom Cleaner. Did I mention his mother because he doesn’t look like the type of guy that keeps his toilet shiny and immaculate? No, I say that because who on earth would camouflage their own sink if they actually paid for it themselves? Listen fellas, if your sink gets more attention than your penis in a penis selfie, you are not doing this right. I mean, am I the only one that has never seen or even thought of having a sink that is camouflage?

I’m giving this penis selfie a grade of D.  D for DO better.