A common belief still exists in many women today: anal sex is taboo. I’m not saying all women believe this, I’m not saying anal sex is or isn’t taboo. I’m simply stating that once an idea has been embedded into our culture, there will still be people whose minds cannot be changed. The acceptance of anal sex may be one of those ideas. It has been looked down upon, appreciated by those with an anal fetish and directly connected to homosexual men, creating an even more deep-rooted stigma. Now, anal sex is so common: men with men, women with men, and women with women. I dare you to find a porn out there that have some sort of anal penetration.
Before I start, here’s a little background on my old view on analing. As a young lady, I was taught by society and the media that sex and your body is special, and anal sex was something that girls did that was disrespectful to themselves. I firmly believed it. I was afraid of anal sex, wary of it. I protected my rear end and wouldn’t let anyone near it. I snickered at every prison rape joke, but inside I knew that taking someone’s back end was the ultimate form of disrespect. I took this belief to heart into adulthood, and when I got married, it caused problems. It was hard to let go, and when I did, I vowed to only give it to my husband once a year on his birthday. It was that special to me.
As we grew as a married couple, we started to realize that the limitations we put on each other caused resentment that only builds up. The disgruntled feeling toward anal sex was one of the first walls I knew I had to tear down. My feelings went from “I’m doing this once a year to make him happy” to “This isn’t so bad.” From there I realized that Ryan is my soulmate and the “prized possession” (my ass) is something that only hecan have. My ass, my love, my heart –all belong to my husband. Once I realized this, our sex life became the best it’s been. Now, I no longer give him anal sex to begrudgingly make him happy; I do it because I love him, I want to be close to him, and this is a whole new feeling of fantastic sex.
Today, my husband and I have anal sex 5 or 6 times a week, give or take. Sometimes I even prefer it to vaginal sex because of the sensations and stimulation I feel in my ass. If you’re thinking about trying anal sex but were afraid to, here are a few things to keep in mind:
1. Relax your body and mind. If your mindset is still, Anal sex is gross and I’ll never like this, then guess what –you’re going to have a hard time opening up. It doesn’t help to think of your “happy place.” Your happy place is an imaginary (or real) place where you take your mind in order to bear with the atrocities of the current situation you are in. Anal sex should not be something you would rather avoid by pretending to be in a place you’d rather be. Both your body and mind have to accept analing, not regard it as something that must be endured. Don’t tense up; allow his dick to enter you, take pleasure in the textures and different areas being touched for the first time. It will feel uncomfortable, awkward, and maybe even painful at first, but this new sensation will turn into feelings of pleasure.
2. This is not vaginal sex. And no matter how experienced and careful you are, there is always a chance you will get chafed, torn, ripped. Gentlemen, the same goes for you, too! Sometimes I get so into, I don’t notice until I’m washing off. During the last few minutes of sex, I start talking a lot of shit: “Fuck my ass harder,” “Slam your cock into me,” “Show me how deep you want to cum.” It feels so good! Don’t worry though. You will heal in less than 48 hours. But also remember, this is your body and you should think about anal longevity, not living in the moment.
3. Talk to your partner. You’ve heard that communication is the key to a good relationship. It’s also the key to a successful anal session. I know my husband isn’t a mind reader, so if I have some reservations about anal sex at that moment, I’m sure to let him know. If I’m sore from going to the bathroom, I tell him before we have sex. If during sex I want him to go slow and deep in my ass and not shallow and fast, I tell him. Talk before you start, during, and afterwards. Was it what you expected? What could each of you have done to make it better? Is it better slower or faster? Listen to each other’s questions and answer honestly. If communicating about analing seems like a stupid idea to you, stop analing or one of you will end up with hurt feelings or a sore ass/dick.
4. Use lube. Lots of it! Don’t be afraid to lather it on. There’s nothing worse than not being properly lubricated. Because of the little ridges, you may not even see the tiny tears, but you’ll feel them when you wash. And believe it or not, just because you’re lubricated on the outside doesn’t mean you’re lubricated on the inside. You’ll be able to tell you’re dry on the inside lining because your ass hole is able to glide on the penis skin, but the lining feels like it’s being pulled. I find that anal sex is more enjoyable the more lubricated we are.
Keep it within arm’s reach. Sometimes the bottle will roll off the bed, fall of the table, or get lost in the sheets. It’s bad enough to having to stop in the middle of sex, but even worse when the something you’re looking for to help extend the sex goes missing. Don’t have lube on hand? Use spit. If he is open to it and into you, he won’t have a problem sticking his head in and loosening the rim up a bit then sticking his face down on your ass and wetting the inside with his tongue and spit. As a woman, make sure you communicate to your man that it’s okay if he uses his tongue to lube up. You should know when you are clean or not. And because I say “not clean”, that may gross people out. But anal sex isn’t always CLEAN. Which is why I’d suggest only doing this with someone you love. I’d never suggest ass sex to some random dude. Disgusting on him and her.
5. Once in the ass, stay there. There isn’t anything wrong with his dick going from your mouth to your pussy or from your pussy to your mouth. They’re interchangeable. But once his dick is in your ass, it’s a different story. Sometimes I get carried away when I’m in my sex zone and I put his dick back in me even though his dick head has been in my ass. I try to avoid it, but occasionally I slip up. Put totally intended. A while back I had a urinary tract infection which I believe came from switching from back door to front door. It was an accident, but your body doesn’t care. Unless you like going to the hospital, sitting in the waiting room, getting tested, sitting in the back waiting room, going to the pharmacy, waiting even more, and taking antibiotics for a week, take the proper precautions. It’s anatomically more difficult for a man to get a urinary tract infection because bacteria takes longer for it to travel up his urethra. But it’s definitely possible. While it’s sexy to go from hole to hole to hole to hole, be careful.
6. Positioning. There is going to be so much going on – you’ll be scared, nervous, you won’t know what to expect, you’ll be afraid of pain, you’ll clench up. All these factors will get in the way. I found that being on my back was the best position for me. I noticed the angle was the best for me. It didn’t hit any curves the wrong way and it just seemed to “hurt the least.” As I became more experienced, I started experimenting being on my stomach, me on top reverse cowgirl, both of us standing. Eventually we were doing all the regular/popular vaginal sex positions, only he was in my ass.
At first I wouldn’t ride him. Now it’s my favorite position. I can control my movement 100%, control depth, speed, how it goes in, and how wet your ass is prior to getting it pushed inside yoru body.
I feel doggy style is a more experienced position. If I was to take a dick in my ass doggy style, without knowing what it felt like prior, I’d hate anal. I could never relax wondering when it is going in, or how it is going to feel. Not to mention, bending over doggy style tightens your asshole beyond its normal tightness. How easy is it to make a woman scream doggy style when having vaginal sex? How easy is it to poke her insides especialy hard, because you bottom out so much quicker? Doggy style is a great position, but it’s not for beginners as it does not give the anus the ability to stretch properly. This is probably the reason most first timers never do it again. People see anal sex as something you naturally do in doggy style position, when I feel just the opposite. Anal sex should be done in your traditional missionary position, so the woman can relax, watch the penis penetrate, and be comfortable with a position we find ourselves in a lot while having vaginal intercourse. We can also grab him, love on him, whisper in his ear, and get into the act, knowing he will take care of us, in a position we are the most familiar. As time goes on, you can do each position, but in my opinion, missionary is the best way to start
7. Be considerate. Guys, this is directed to you. Appreciate what your woman does for you in bed. If or when the time comes when she is without a doubt committed to giving you her back end for sex, remember these things: you still have to work your way in there; don’t just shove yourself in. Take care of her area because if she tears, you will most likely tear, too. Ladies: take care of yourselves. If you’re in pain or uncomfortable, speak up. Anal sex takes practice and patience. But once you’ve both opened up to its pleasures, it may be one of the most satisfying feelings you’ll ever experience.As our society changed, we’ve become more tolerant of unconventional ideas, such as anal sex. I used to be one of those people who used to think boys wearing earrings was strange, but by the time I was in middle school, it was everywhere and it became normal. As an adult, I thought anal sex was something I could never get into. “Things were made to come out of your butt, not in it!” I thought. But it was thoughts like these that kept me from exploring my sexuality and discovering the joys of anal sex.
If this is your first experience, share your story with us!