10 Of The Worst Men’s Underwear Ever Made

When Venice and I first moved in together, neither of us really knew what was or wasn’t appropriate. All we knew was that now that we were “adults” things would change and we could do whatever our young hearts desired. Walk around nude, have sex at any time, dance around naked playing air guitar together, and pee in each others faces for fun. Finally we got to to all the things adults do when they are all grown up! Oh boy!

I remember shopping one day and I saw male thongs at the local store. I recall thinking to myself, “I am going to look sexy as hell in these.  Should I buy the slight thongs or pure thongs that look like dental floss?”

“Dental floss it is!”

I bought the thongs and rushed home to try them on. I remember looking in the mirror, unable to fully put my sac inside the thong, so half a testicle on each side was kind of hanging out. I also couldn’t really properly place my penis where it belonged, so I laid my penis along the waist line hoping to cover it with the strings that wrap around my hips. Although not much coverage, I felt it still looked great and just knew Venice would love it.

Venice was still at work and she wouldn’t be home for a few hours. I kept the thongs on and otherwise was nude on the couch. Just wearing the thongs made me horny with excitement and I couldn’t wait to see Venice’s face. Unfortunately I passed out on the couch and when she walked in, I was laying there, turned away from the door, with my ass and thong exposed to the world. Unable to put on my Zoolander look to make the thongs more appealing, Venice walked over to me and let me know she was home. I believe she was too uncomfortable to even touch me because she kind of hit/tapped me on the shoulder like you would if you were waking up a bum on a park bench.  I stood up. vision a bit foggy from still being tired, penis plump from falling asleep horny with man thongs on, each ball hanging out the side of the thong because the fabric could no longer hold half of them inside, and the floss like backside of the undies totally hidden by my ass cheeks.  Venice didn’t say a word. She didn’t laugh, she didn’t smile, she didn’t blink…I am unsure if she even took a breath to be honest. After this awkward 20 seconds, which seemed like an hour, I asked her if she liked them?

Continue reading

Sex Ed: A Guide To Muffing (Male / Female / Trans)

3ff9113d6a9e867ced2aa5e97a4dca8dThe term muffing has a few widely accepted meanings: one is oral sex on a female.  Although I have never heard this slang word for oral sex, it’s easy to assume that because some people refer to a hairy vagina as a muff, to say you were muffing a woman seems to make sense I guess.  The other usage of the term is not so obvious. Originally coined by Mira Bellwether (author of Fucking Trans Women), the term muffing refers to the penetration of the inguinal canals on a male-bodied person. So what are these inguinal canals and why would anyone want to penetrate them?

Where are those canals?
The inguinal canals are located in the groin area, try moving your (or your partner’s) testicle to the side and rubbing around the area behind the scrotum. You’ll find a soft but tight hole on each side. That’s the inguinal canals, or rather, the openings called the subcutaneous inguinal rings! Testicles hide in these canals before puberty and drop out fully into the scrotum during early puberty, often referred to as when your “balls drop”. If a man is familiar with his body, or you are familiar with your man’s body, you may notice that prior to an orgasm you can watch his testicles disappear up into his body. Some men may not have disappearing testicles, but through watching porn, I think it’s safe to say that  a majority of men have their ball sac tighten up during an orgasm. This tightening sensation helps squeeze the testicles, and also puts more pressure on the prostate area by compacting the genitals in order to help with semen release and intensify the an orgasm. For some men, not only will the ball sac tighten, the testicles themselves will go up into their body.  The testicles also retract back into the body when we are cold, this is to protect them and keep them warm.  Most transwomen and cross-dressing men will be familiar with where these canals are, since they play a role in proper “tucking” (hiding the male genitals so a bulge can’t be seen).  Personally, my balls retract as I am about to orgasm, when I am cold (or cold water), and when I have to use the bathroom (bowel movements) really bad.  That may be a bit too much information, but my balls can retract back into my inguinal canals for another of those reasons mentioned.

Continue reading

Sex Ed: How Women Overcome Vaginismus

VaginismusWhen a woman has vaginismus, her vagina’s muscles squeeze or spasm when something is entering her, like a tampon or a penis. It can be mildly uncomfortable, or it can be painful. There are exercises a woman can do that can help, sometimes within weeks. vaginismus

Symptoms
Painful sex is often a woman’s first sign that she has vaginismus. The pain happens only with penetration. It usually goes away after withdrawal, but not always. Women have described the pain as a tearing sensation or a feeling like the man is “hitting a wall.” Many women who have vaginismus also feel discomfort when inserting a tampon or during a doctor’s internal pelvic exam.

Causes
Doctors don’t know exactly why vaginismus happens. It’s usually linked to anxiety and fear of having sex. But it’s unclear which came first, the vaginismus or the anxiety. Some women have vaginismus in all situations and with any object. Others have it only in certain circumstances, like with one partner but not others, or only with sexual intercourse but not with tampons or during medical exams.

Other medical problems like infections can also cause painful intercourse. So it’s important to see a doctor to determine the underlying cause of pain during sex.

Treatment
dilatorsWomen with vaginismus can do exercises, in the privacy of their own home, to learn to control and relax the muscles around the vagina. The approach is called progressive desensitization, and the idea is to get comfortable with insertion.

First, do Kegel exercises by squeezing the same muscles you use to stop the flow of urine when urinating:

Continue reading

For the love of Dollar Stores

dollar billLet me begin with a breakdown of the different types of dollar stores because although they have the word dollar in their names, they vary in ways that will make me choose one over the other, depending on what I need.

The Dollar Tree – An American of discount that sells items for $1 or less. Less! I once bought a bag of Christmas gift bows, a mini gingerbread flavored candle, and 100 Christmas tags for 10 cents each. They’re a Fortune 500 company believe it or not. They have about 13,600 stores in the U.S. and Canada.

Pros

  • No tricks. You never have to ask if something is really $1, unlike other “dollar” stores.

Cons

  • Very few name brands. This may be a turn-off for a lot of people, but come on, it’s a dollar store. I estimate that 90% of the brands they carry are those I’ve never heard of.
  • You can’t trust the quality of certain items.  Examples below.
    • Electronics – stay away from Mini Portable Headphone Speakers that you plug into your phone. They will NOT boost the volume of anything. It actually worsens it.
    • Foods, health & beauty, and other things that you (may) ingest. I have a good feeling about our Food and Drug Administration standards, but sometimes I believe these off-brand products do not go through the same rigorous quality assurance testing that the big boys do. I can’t prove it, but I am following my gut on this one.
  • Randomness. That unheard of Matt Dillon movie he did before he got famous? Part 2 of that movie is at The Dollar Tree. The fourth book of the “Left Behind” series? There are eight copies of just that one book. That’s it.

Best Dollar Tree deals:

  • Bleach. I’m not convinced that Clorox makes a more powerful bleach.
  • Scrubbing brushes – when it comes to cleaning the grout and tile in my, I prefer that when I clean it once a month, I don’t leave the cleaning brush around to keep spreading the mold spores. So, do I feel a clean shower is worth spending $2 (on a new brush and a bottle of bleach) every month. Absolutely.
  • River rocks – these are rocks that are “found” at the edges of rivers and are perfect for arts and crafts, filling vases and/or candle holders. Buying the equivalent at Wal-Mart or any arts and crafts store can be double or even triple the cost.
  • Vases (and candle holders) – they come in so many sizes and shapes: tall and thin, wide and round, curved, single flower or bouquet
  • Glasses/Mugs – dollar store goblets and wine glasses fill my cabinet at home. And if you ever want to make a personalized gift basket for that hot chocolate or coffee lover, this is the way to go.
  • Toothbrushes – they sell a 6-pack for $1. This is perfect for if we’re on vacation and somebody left his/her toothbrush at home. And also for cleaning, e.g. the edges of the water tap, baseboards, and the corners of my shower.
  • Gift wrap, gift bags, tape, Mylar balloons – I stopped buying all that expensive stuff unless it’s absolutely necessary, i.e. I have to buy a gift (Toys R Us, Target, Wal-Mart) and I have no time to make a Dollar Tree stop. Now while there may no be a savings in the gift wrap, I buy 5 or 6 rolls at a time and this gives Christmas gifts a more varied look under the tree. Don’t even think about getting mylar balloons at Party City – they charge $2.00 – $4.00 for the basic Mylar balloons at the Dollar Tree. Think you can beat the system by buying the cheapy rubber ones in the store and asking them to inflate them? Nope. They charge an inflating fee to blow them up;
  • Batteries – while you can get 8 AA batteries for $1, they’re not ideal for battery-consuming electronics, children’s toys, flashlights, dildos, vibrators, and certainly not a smoke alarm. But, if I need batteries for my remote control, perfect.
  • “Movie Theater” candy. Don’t want to spend $4 for a box of Junior Mints, Whoppers, or Snowcaps at the movie theater? You know what to do. Don’t forget to wear an overcoat and try not to shake your pockets as you walk through the concession area. But you didn’t hear that from me.

Overall, what The Dollar Tree lacks in high-quality name-brand products, they make up for in price in many practical items.

Dollar General – Like The Dollar Tree, Dollar General is an America chain that boasts “delivering value to shoppers for over 75 years.” They have 12,000 stores in 43 states. They state in their “About Us” section on their website that they carry products from a lot of “America’s most-trusted” manufactures (Clorox, Energizer, Procter & Gamble, Hanes, Mars, General Mills, to name a few).

Pros

  • Brand names. More choices of name-brand items means gaining your customers’ trust. Need a couple of 2-liter bottles for that party you promised to bring drinks for and don’t want to wait in line?
  • Hours. Dollar General has been there for me and my family for Christmas. Specifically, when other stores close at 6 p.m. on Christmas Eve, or even 8:00 p.m. (trust me, it makes a world of difference), Dollar General was open until 10:00 p.m. for a stocking stuffers and even Santa’s wishlist items.

Cons

  • Deals. In that there really are no great deals. However, day-after holiday clearance items are a pretty good deal.

Overall, Dollar General is basically a condensed version of Wal-Mart in terms of price, quality, and selection. I will always choose Dollar General for easy accessibility, avoiding buying items in “bulk,” and to avoid long lines. I don’t go there for the great deals or variety, because variety-wise, they’re equal to Target or any other grocery store in town. Basically, they’re our modern day general store (aha!)

So, what have dollar stores taught me? That there is a hierarchy in quality and selection. The other dollar store in my area is Family Dollar, but it is very similar to Dollar General and not worth noting the comparisons to the above-mentioned chains. Too bad there isn’t a local 99 cent store or even a 98 cent store that I grew up going to. Now THAT would be an amazing adventure in retail.

Oh, was this blog not sexy enough for you?!  Well, you can buy lube at Dollar General if you wanted!   Boom, now it’s sexual bitches!

Song Lyrics Meaning – “Good Kisser” by Usher

Usher-Justin-BieberUsher is great. I like Usher. I don’t like him like him, but I like Usher. In the way I like Olive Garden: I don’t willingly and actively dine there on a regular basis and it’s not my favorite restaurant, but if we go there for an office luncheon, it’s pretty dang good.

One of my favorite Usher songs is “Good Kisser.” It’s a pretty innocent title. If my seven-year-old nephew were to sing it in a falsetto voice, I’d think he was pretty dang adorable. But as I played the 50 songs on my “most played tracks” playlist, this song was around song #28. Good kisser, eh? This song is not about people kissing. I really, truly think it’s about sucking cock.

I done been around the world, I done kissed a lot of girls […] and I bet a million dollars don’t nobody kiss it like you.

He’s telling us that he’s had a lot of girlfriends in the past (what a whore). And because of this, we’re led to believe that he is a great candidate, if not THE leading authority, for male promiscuity. When you’ve “been around the world” like he has, it’s hard to question him. So he’s “kissed a lot of girls,” a.k.a. got his dick sucked by them. But now that he’s with his current girlfriend, he is paying homage to her cut-above-the-rest dick sucking skills. That’s how it should be. Never put an ex or anyone in the past on a pedestal.

The devil is a lie, Them other girls can’t compete with mine.

The devil represents the collective women before her and the experiences with them. She’s self-conscious about competing with not just one of them, but all of them. But he’s quick to say they cannot compete with her:

You do it so good, you fuck my mind.

He praises her sexual skills, and she’s so good that he thinks about her all day; not only does she fuck him, but also his mind in that she’s on his mind all the time.

You pull it out, then you open wide.

Well, yea hahaha.

You make me wanna tap out and retire.

This is actually something that Ryan has said to me before, but it’s funny to actually hear it in a song.

Your pretty lips leave me so inspired, I think that she’s a winner, She could be a keeper. See, no need to worry.

Your dick sucking is so amazing, that you have become The One.

She’s such a good kisser, Got lipstick on my leg.

Now if this isn’t indicative that this song isn’t about mouth kisses, then I don’t know what is. Lipstick on his leg…does he mean third leg? I think so!

She’s such a good kisser, I’ma rain on this parade.

Ever put something in your mouth that was so good you say, “omg it’s like a party in my mouth!” A parade is party, and he wants to rain on it, meaning shoot his semen all over her mouth. So obvious.

This girl, she’s my hero, get dinero, euros, pesos, francs and yen.

When she puts her mouth on his dick, he is immediately transported into a bliss and it feels so good that he feels that it’s something that he would pay for. This is also something that Ryan has said to me. I guess super dick-sucking skills is a make-or-break decision when choosing the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with. Trust me, it’s critical.

I’m starin’ at your barrel, Pull the trigger, chitty, chitty, bang bang.

After he has unzipped his paints and looks at his “barrel,” he wants her to “pull the trigger” and get him off.

The only thing I know, you give it to me, baby, with good flow.

His woman works hard to finish him. And he knows this. He appreciates it too. A great blow job is the “good flow.” She is probably the only woman who knows exactly how he likes it, the same way I know how my man wants it, i.e. craddling his balls, sucking on them, deepthroating with ball licking, etc. This is what makes a woman THE BEST to her man.

I can’t keep my control, Every time that I see you hit that floor.

When she hits the floor (getting on her knees to suck his dick), he knows it’s about to go down!

Kiss it good, kiss it right, Keep it up, we be kissin’ all night.

Etc. If he could, he would have her suck his dick all night, until he goes to sleep. And that’s exactly how he should feel, like he never wants it to end.