For the love of Dollar Stores

dollar billLet me begin with a breakdown of the different types of dollar stores because although they have the word dollar in their names, they vary in ways that will make me choose one over the other, depending on what I need.

The Dollar Tree – An American of discount that sells items for $1 or less. Less! I once bought a bag of Christmas gift bows, a mini gingerbread flavored candle, and 100 Christmas tags for 10 cents each. They’re a Fortune 500 company believe it or not. They have about 13,600 stores in the U.S. and Canada.

Pros

  • No tricks. You never have to ask if something is really $1, unlike other “dollar” stores.

Cons

  • Very few name brands. This may be a turn-off for a lot of people, but come on, it’s a dollar store. I estimate that 90% of the brands they carry are those I’ve never heard of.
  • You can’t trust the quality of certain items.  Examples below.
    • Electronics – stay away from Mini Portable Headphone Speakers that you plug into your phone. They will NOT boost the volume of anything. It actually worsens it.
    • Foods, health & beauty, and other things that you (may) ingest. I have a good feeling about our Food and Drug Administration standards, but sometimes I believe these off-brand products do not go through the same rigorous quality assurance testing that the big boys do. I can’t prove it, but I am following my gut on this one.
  • Randomness. That unheard of Matt Dillon movie he did before he got famous? Part 2 of that movie is at The Dollar Tree. The fourth book of the “Left Behind” series? There are eight copies of just that one book. That’s it.

Best Dollar Tree deals:

  • Bleach. I’m not convinced that Clorox makes a more powerful bleach.
  • Scrubbing brushes – when it comes to cleaning the grout and tile in my, I prefer that when I clean it once a month, I don’t leave the cleaning brush around to keep spreading the mold spores. So, do I feel a clean shower is worth spending $2 (on a new brush and a bottle of bleach) every month. Absolutely.
  • River rocks – these are rocks that are “found” at the edges of rivers and are perfect for arts and crafts, filling vases and/or candle holders. Buying the equivalent at Wal-Mart or any arts and crafts store can be double or even triple the cost.
  • Vases (and candle holders) – they come in so many sizes and shapes: tall and thin, wide and round, curved, single flower or bouquet
  • Glasses/Mugs – dollar store goblets and wine glasses fill my cabinet at home. And if you ever want to make a personalized gift basket for that hot chocolate or coffee lover, this is the way to go.
  • Toothbrushes – they sell a 6-pack for $1. This is perfect for if we’re on vacation and somebody left his/her toothbrush at home. And also for cleaning, e.g. the edges of the water tap, baseboards, and the corners of my shower.
  • Gift wrap, gift bags, tape, Mylar balloons – I stopped buying all that expensive stuff unless it’s absolutely necessary, i.e. I have to buy a gift (Toys R Us, Target, Wal-Mart) and I have no time to make a Dollar Tree stop. Now while there may no be a savings in the gift wrap, I buy 5 or 6 rolls at a time and this gives Christmas gifts a more varied look under the tree. Don’t even think about getting mylar balloons at Party City – they charge $2.00 – $4.00 for the basic Mylar balloons at the Dollar Tree. Think you can beat the system by buying the cheapy rubber ones in the store and asking them to inflate them? Nope. They charge an inflating fee to blow them up;
  • Batteries – while you can get 8 AA batteries for $1, they’re not ideal for battery-consuming electronics, children’s toys, flashlights, dildos, vibrators, and certainly not a smoke alarm. But, if I need batteries for my remote control, perfect.
  • “Movie Theater” candy. Don’t want to spend $4 for a box of Junior Mints, Whoppers, or Snowcaps at the movie theater? You know what to do. Don’t forget to wear an overcoat and try not to shake your pockets as you walk through the concession area. But you didn’t hear that from me.

Overall, what The Dollar Tree lacks in high-quality name-brand products, they make up for in price in many practical items.

Dollar General – Like The Dollar Tree, Dollar General is an America chain that boasts “delivering value to shoppers for over 75 years.” They have 12,000 stores in 43 states. They state in their “About Us” section on their website that they carry products from a lot of “America’s most-trusted” manufactures (Clorox, Energizer, Procter & Gamble, Hanes, Mars, General Mills, to name a few).

Pros

  • Brand names. More choices of name-brand items means gaining your customers’ trust. Need a couple of 2-liter bottles for that party you promised to bring drinks for and don’t want to wait in line?
  • Hours. Dollar General has been there for me and my family for Christmas. Specifically, when other stores close at 6 p.m. on Christmas Eve, or even 8:00 p.m. (trust me, it makes a world of difference), Dollar General was open until 10:00 p.m. for a stocking stuffers and even Santa’s wishlist items.

Cons

  • Deals. In that there really are no great deals. However, day-after holiday clearance items are a pretty good deal.

Overall, Dollar General is basically a condensed version of Wal-Mart in terms of price, quality, and selection. I will always choose Dollar General for easy accessibility, avoiding buying items in “bulk,” and to avoid long lines. I don’t go there for the great deals or variety, because variety-wise, they’re equal to Target or any other grocery store in town. Basically, they’re our modern day general store (aha!)

So, what have dollar stores taught me? That there is a hierarchy in quality and selection. The other dollar store in my area is Family Dollar, but it is very similar to Dollar General and not worth noting the comparisons to the above-mentioned chains. Too bad there isn’t a local 99 cent store or even a 98 cent store that I grew up going to. Now THAT would be an amazing adventure in retail.

Oh, was this blog not sexy enough for you?!  Well, you can buy lube at Dollar General if you wanted!   Boom, now it’s sexual bitches!

Song Lyrics Meaning – “Good Kisser” by Usher

Usher-Justin-BieberUsher is great. I like Usher. I don’t like him like him, but I like Usher. In the way I like Olive Garden: I don’t willingly and actively dine there on a regular basis and it’s not my favorite restaurant, but if we go there for an office luncheon, it’s pretty dang good.

One of my favorite Usher songs is “Good Kisser.” It’s a pretty innocent title. If my seven-year-old nephew were to sing it in a falsetto voice, I’d think he was pretty dang adorable. But as I played the 50 songs on my “most played tracks” playlist, this song was around song #28. Good kisser, eh? This song is not about people kissing. I really, truly think it’s about sucking cock.

I done been around the world, I done kissed a lot of girls […] and I bet a million dollars don’t nobody kiss it like you.

He’s telling us that he’s had a lot of girlfriends in the past (what a whore). And because of this, we’re led to believe that he is a great candidate, if not THE leading authority, for male promiscuity. When you’ve “been around the world” like he has, it’s hard to question him. So he’s “kissed a lot of girls,” a.k.a. got his dick sucked by them. But now that he’s with his current girlfriend, he is paying homage to her cut-above-the-rest dick sucking skills. That’s how it should be. Never put an ex or anyone in the past on a pedestal.

The devil is a lie, Them other girls can’t compete with mine.

The devil represents the collective women before her and the experiences with them. She’s self-conscious about competing with not just one of them, but all of them. But he’s quick to say they cannot compete with her:

You do it so good, you fuck my mind.

He praises her sexual skills, and she’s so good that he thinks about her all day; not only does she fuck him, but also his mind in that she’s on his mind all the time.

You pull it out, then you open wide.

Well, yea hahaha.

You make me wanna tap out and retire.

This is actually something that Ryan has said to me before, but it’s funny to actually hear it in a song.

Your pretty lips leave me so inspired, I think that she’s a winner, She could be a keeper. See, no need to worry.

Your dick sucking is so amazing, that you have become The One.

She’s such a good kisser, Got lipstick on my leg.

Now if this isn’t indicative that this song isn’t about mouth kisses, then I don’t know what is. Lipstick on his leg…does he mean third leg? I think so!

She’s such a good kisser, I’ma rain on this parade.

Ever put something in your mouth that was so good you say, “omg it’s like a party in my mouth!” A parade is party, and he wants to rain on it, meaning shoot his semen all over her mouth. So obvious.

This girl, she’s my hero, get dinero, euros, pesos, francs and yen.

When she puts her mouth on his dick, he is immediately transported into a bliss and it feels so good that he feels that it’s something that he would pay for. This is also something that Ryan has said to me. I guess super dick-sucking skills is a make-or-break decision when choosing the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with. Trust me, it’s critical.

I’m starin’ at your barrel, Pull the trigger, chitty, chitty, bang bang.

After he has unzipped his paints and looks at his “barrel,” he wants her to “pull the trigger” and get him off.

The only thing I know, you give it to me, baby, with good flow.

His woman works hard to finish him. And he knows this. He appreciates it too. A great blow job is the “good flow.” She is probably the only woman who knows exactly how he likes it, the same way I know how my man wants it, i.e. craddling his balls, sucking on them, deepthroating with ball licking, etc. This is what makes a woman THE BEST to her man.

I can’t keep my control, Every time that I see you hit that floor.

When she hits the floor (getting on her knees to suck his dick), he knows it’s about to go down!

Kiss it good, kiss it right, Keep it up, we be kissin’ all night.

Etc. If he could, he would have her suck his dick all night, until he goes to sleep. And that’s exactly how he should feel, like he never wants it to end.

Top 10 Comedies Movies

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Although over the years my favorite movies will change, especially my number 1 spot, as of now here is a list of my top 10 comedies. The top movie tends to change according to what movie I can’t keep off loop and play daily. Enjoy and comment if we missed one of your favorites!

 

 

 

 

 


 

10) Tommy Boy – When Chris Farley was at his prime. It really didn’t get any better than that. Pure hilarity ensues as Tommy has finally had it up to “here” with Richard’s bitching and put-downs. They pull over to the side of the road and make fun of each other’s bodies – Tommy for being big and Richard for being small. It ends with a 2×4 to Tommy’s face and asking Richard if there was a visible mark “here, but not so much HERE…”

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9) There’s Something About Mary – This movie is probably best for its sight gags: Ted’s gonads, Mary’s spiked bangs, and her neighbor’s “full frontal.” They’re great when you’re younger, but as I get older, they get old fast. At the time, though, I used the pause button a lot because my sense of humor just wasn’t developed. Still, this movie is, like “Tommy Boy,” a classic and have become ideal go-to movies if I feel like reliving my childhood.
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8) Galaxy Quest – The Galaxy Quest cast are the stars of the huge convention held in its honor at the beginning of the movie, so this movie is clearly a play on the real life Trekkies. I’ve been to the San Diego Comic Convention several times, so I can really relate to the popularity of these types of gatherings. Once I got past the fact that the hugely successful Galaxy Quest stars are doing a ribbon cutting at an electronics supercenter the day after the convention (with only a dozen or so attendees releasing half as many balloons into the air), I really embraced the movie.
“That shit is soooo fake, Ryan. How the hell could they have thousands of fans packed in a convention center to see them, but only four people show up at the electronics ribbon cutting? SO…FAKE.”
“Ok, V. Is that where you draw your line? Aliens paterning their lives after a TV show on Earth, the actors defeating a race of evil aliens…are all realistic though?”
“Yes. That’s where I draw my line.” ::folding my arms over my chest and walking away::


 

7) Bridesmaids – I’ve been a bridesmaid before. Meh. Didn’t really count because I was 12. I was even a maid-of-honor. Again, didn’t count because I was out-of-state, and because of that I never realized just how cutthroat being in a wedding party can be until I watched this movie. I was a matron of honor and the wedding was beautiful and lavish. But not lavish to the point of having butterflies emerge from my invitations, it was more like…a can of peanuts with a note attached saying, “You’re ‘nuts’ if you miss this party!” Kind of. Watch this just to see Kristen Wiig’s face as she reluctantly munches on Jordan almonds.


 

6) The Fifth Element – A bit of a glamorized account of our distant future. Too glamorized. It’s like the “Waterworld” of space movies. I sincerely hope Chris Tucker is there coming at me live over the airwaves in my flying car. When Ryan and I first moved to our little townhouse to start college, this was the first movie I pulled out of our “Box o’movies.” None of our movies were alphabetized and this was something I had a sudden urge to watch. I played this movie over and over until it eventually got eaten by the VCR.


 

5) Kung Fu Hustle – With this kind of title you probably wouldn’t take this movie too seriously. It’s definitely a joke on the old kung fu movies they used to show on Saturday mornings when I was a kid. But the storyline is absolutely perfect. You get a hint that the “super heroes” are going to be something special since they’re all tenants living in the same ghetto. But they’re not. Haha! Ryan accidentally bought this movie twice. Here’s how:


 

4) The Princess Bride – My friend came over one Saturday and we made homemade carrot cake and pancit (Filipino noodles). We were in the seventh grade and we spent the whole morning chopping vegetables and making cake batter. We didn’t even start watching the movie until about 2:00 in the afternoon then spent the rest of the day saying, “Mawwiage…twue wove.”


 

3) Gentlemen Broncos – If you try to take this movie as a serious comedy, it will drive you crazy and you just won’t enjoy the subtle humor of a comedy that makes fun of being a comedy. I mistakenly did that: “This published author plagiarized THAT story idea?!?!” and “Nacho Libre’s sidekick is a celebrated director?!” Sam Rockwell, probably my all-time favorite actor, is in this movie, dual role. Look for it! So is Jemaine Clement, another favorite, which is why I’m including “Eagle vs. Shark” as a movie to tie for the third place spot. It’s an extremely awkward romantic comedy about a laid-off fast food worker and a manchild video game store worker training to face his childhood bully. A bit of an awkward twist when he finally faces off his bully, but you won’t help but cringe and laugh at the same time.


 

2) Shaun of the Dead – I’d classify this as a romantic comedy with a touch of zombies instead of the other way around. I’d even say it was even slightly a coming-of-age film. But seriously, as we see Shaun and Ed as a couple of grown kids playing video games and listening to classic electronic hip hop records early on, we know to expect the zombie-killing to be less-than-serious for the rest of the movie. As they gather their survivors together (Shaun, his mom, Ed, Shaun’s girlfriend (Liz), and LIz’s friends Claudia and David) they eventually run into their bizarro world survivors who, we assume, are just as dysfunctional in their own way.


 

1) What We Do In The Shadows – I found it very, very difficult to find a good comedy that I can watch over and over and over again. Then I found this movie. From the opening scene to the last line, I was laughing non-stop. There’s no huge plot build-up, no climax, no resolution. Just a a film crew filming a documentary on a couple of vampires living together in New Zealand who have several run-ins with their rivals – the normal, everyday Joe werewolves who aren’t allowed to curse. Why? Because they’re werewolves, not swearwolves.

Your Memes, My Thoughts

MemeI’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t have to look online for some silly relationship memes. Why? Because I follow some silly ass people on Facebook who are trigger happy when they post and share stuff from their just-as-relationship-challenged friends.

Recently I saw this awesome little gem on my timeline. It has a picture of a man’s dirty, grimy hand next to a callous-free woman’s hand who we’re to believe belongs to his wife. The caption above the picture states:

“I work daylight to dark. Bust my knuckles, my back and my butt. I hurt all day everyday and take it to the max every second. When I feel like giving up, I just think about my wife and think about how this work is helping our household. There’s not a more important person in my life than her. My hands look like this, so hers can look like that.”

In a perfect world, a man who worked for a women’s sole happiness would, for some gold-digging, lazy chicks, be just that: perfect. However, this photo just has too many implications not to ignore. First, I think it’s safe to assume he’s is just a regular blue collar guy, probably does oil changes for a living, works on cars, or is a plumber. There is absolutely nothing wrong with those jobs, by the way. I loved telling my friends that I was one of two girls in my Auto Mechanics class in high school. There’s not such thing as a bad job. Unless you’re a prostitute, but that’s not really a job because you don’t pay taxes (except in Nevada). Anyway. Second, so if she doesn’t work, what does she do all day? Watch her “programs” and look through Pinterest accounts?

All I’m saying is that it’s 2015, and the only think I can hear in my head is him telling her: “I will work 12 hours a day for you while you stay home and stay home and clean and make sure you have dinner ready. Because I love you. And when we have enough money saved, we can start that family you always wanted.” I don’t think it’s something to be proud of if you’re a woman who’s in a relationship with a man who allows you to be, or even WANTS you to be, unemployed. I can kind of see the chivalry behind it. But with that dated (and impractical) way of living, surely their sexual relationship is just as yesteryear. Am I to assume that because he’s the sole income generator, that she gets a spending stipend every month? After she’s done doing the dinner dishes, does he get on top of her so he can have sex with her? You know, because it’s his right as her husband? Does he get too tired to eat her out, but expects her to give him a knock-your-socks-off blowjob? OR, on the flip side, is he such a beta that when his wife tells him that being a homemaker is just as important and tiring, that she’s too tired to give him sex?

Superficially, it’s neat to tell your friends. “Oh, hey…I don’t have to lift a finger because my man works so I don’t have to.” But when the novelty of getting to say that to your friends and family wears off, I’d start to feel…stagnant.

The chick whose Facebook timeline from which this was posted is a single mother, is employed, and has a boyfriend who she doesn’t respect, i.e. talks crap about him behind his back and sends nudes to other people. I should know – Ryan and I were two of those people. I’ll leave it at that.

I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t have to look online for some stupid ass relationship memes. Why? Because I follow some stupid ass people on Facebook who are trigger happy when they post and share shit from their just-as-relationship-challenged friends.

Recently I saw this awesome little gem on my timeline. It has a picture of a man’s dirty, grimy hand next to a callous-free woman’s hand who we’re to believe belongs to his wife. The caption above the picture states:

“I work daylight to dark. Bust my knuckles, my back and my butt. I hurt all day everyday and take it to the max every second. When I feel like giving up, I just think about my wife and think about how this work is helping our household. There’s not a more important person in my life than her. My hands look like this, so hers can look like that.”

In a perfect world, a man who worked for a women’s sole happiness would, for some gold-digging, lazy chicks, be just that: perfect. However, this photo just has too many implications not to ignore. First, I think it’s safe to assume he’s is just a regular blue collar guy, probably does oil changes for a living, works on cars, or is a plumber. There is absolutely nothing wrong with those jobs, by the way. I loved telling my friends that I was one of two girls in my Auto Mechanics class in high school. There’s not such thing as a bad job. Unless you’re a prostitute, but that’s not really a job because you don’t pay taxes. Anyway. Second, so if she doesn’t work, what does she do all day? Watch her “programs” and look through Pinterest accounts?

All I’m saying is that it’s 2015, and the only think I can hear in my head is him telling her: “I will work 12 hours a day for you while you stay home and stay home and clean and make sure you have dinner ready. Because I love you. And when we have enough money saved, we can start that family you always wanted.” I don’t think it’s something to be proud of if you’re a woman who’s in a relationship with a man who allows you to be, or even WANTS you to be, unemployed. I can kind of see the chivalry behind it. But with that dated (and impractical) way of living, surely their sexual relationship is just as yesteryear. Am I to assume that because he’s the sole income generator, that she gets a spending stipend every month? After she’s done doing the dinner dishes, does he get on top of her so he can have sex with her? You know, because it’s his right as her husband? Does he get too tired to eat her out, but expects her to give him a knock-your-socks-off blowjob? OR, on the flip side, is he such a beta that when his wife tells him that being a homemaker is just as important and tiring, that she’s too tired to give him sex?

Superficially, it’s neat to tell your friends. “Oh, hey…I don’t have to lift a finger because my man works so I don’t have to.” But when the novelty of getting to say that to your friends and family wears off, I’d start to feel…stagnant.

The chick whose Facebook timeline from which this was posted is a single mother, is employed, and has a boyfriend that who she doesn’t respect, i.e. talks crap about him behind his back and sends nudes to other people. I should know – Ryan and I were two of those people. I’ll leave it at that.

Top 10 Drama Movies

imagesI’m not a big fan of the drama genre, which is why so many of these are older movies. These are my classics.

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10) Lord of the Flies – The first time I saw this I was in elementary school and I didn’t care about the underlying themes like savagery vs. civilization, individualism vs. community, authority, and anarchy and all that other crap. It was like soft core porn to me seeing all those half-naked, older boys in loin cloths as they sharpened their spears.

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9) King of the Hill – Before there was a cartoon series, there was a movie based on the memoir of A.E. Hotchner. Summer during the Great Depression was accentuated by the warm camera filter and everyone constantly perspiring. Poor Aaron. No kid should ever have to cut out pictures of entire meals and eat them. No kid should have to mix ketchup with water for tomato soup. No kid should ever fight off a Nazi bellhop whose purpose in life is to wait for unsuspecting tenants to leave so that he can lock them out. No kid should ever have to attend his middle school promotion alone. The upside? Ruffian Adrien Brody in the back of the auditorium cheering you on as you ascend the stage. This movie has Child Protective Services written all over it. It always reminds me of the time I had to cook for me and myself and my brother for about two months. What did I cook? Corned beef and onions. I lost five pounds on that diet.

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8) The Sixth Sense – A lot of rule-breaking in this movie, but we all were in need of it. Bad. Best part of the movie – realizing New Kids on the Blocker, Donnie Wahlberg, is the guy who shot Bruce Willis. I didn’t even recognize him from my Tiger Beat magazine clippings he was so thin. Maybe if he put on his holey acid washed jeans and a grew a rat tail I would have recognized him. Nevertheless, his 30 seconds in the movie was pretty damn good.

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7) Gone Baby Gone – I can’t believe Casey Afleck and Ben Afleck came out of the same vagina. When I first saw “Gone Baby Gone,” it was before Ben Afleck had done some really good movies that made up for the crap that he’s done before. So you can imagine how shocked I was to see Ben’s little brother show some delightful talent.

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7a) To be fair to Ben, I did love “Gone Girl.” The twist came in about 2/3 of the way in rather than at the end, but it worked.

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6) The Usual Suspects – This is one of those movies you have to watch at least four times (depending on your mental capabilities) to really understand what just happened. You’ll feel like you just got duped, but in the end you’re rooting for the right side. The montage at the end (the Guatemalan coffee, the Kobayashi mug, et al.) has you questioning just what exactly is the truth. Well, guess what…there IS no Keyser Soze! I had a fun time with that during my struggling college years working at a local cafe. Once I worked the morning shift, which entailed slicing slicing Havarti cheese at precisely 0.75 ounces per slice. Each person who slices has to write their name on the food. I wrapped and labeled each stack of Havarti that morning, not with my name, but signed elegantly: Keyser Soze. And so, all day, I snickered to myself as I told everyone who asked that there, indeed, was no Keyser Soze.

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5) Tombstone – You’re lying if you’re a guy who won’t admit to having a man-crush on Val Kilmer. You get a little taste of just how an obnoxious poor winner Val Kilmer’s Doc Holliday can be in the beginning poker scene as he stabs Frank Stallone, but it’s not until he stops an irate Johnny Tyler, equipped with a shotgun, from opening fire on Wyatt Earp. Doc goes on casually, greeting each Earp brother in front of Johnny, who is dumbfounded and shocked at all these celebrities before him. Doc then turns to Johnny, still hanging on to his weapon, one last time and tells him, “I didn’t know you were still here. You may go now.” My best friend had a crush on him when after she saw this movie.
“Girl, please. Name another movie he’s been in,” I told her.
“…”
“I didn’t think so.”

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4) Se7en – This whole movie is fucked up. The ending is even more fucked up. Just be glad it’s not based on a true story. I keep track of the seven deadly sins within the movie because it encourages you to. Toward the end you think, “In what other sinister ways can these sins be shown?” When Morgan Freeman opens the box at the end and cries, “John Doe’s got the upper hand!” I still get a knot in my stomach as Brad Pitt pleas with his homicide partner. Every time I watch it, I hope that he chooses to take the higher road, but that would go against the movie title, wouldn’t it?

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3) The Road – This is one of the most stressful movies I’ve ever seen in my entire life. If they’re not looking for food, they’re trying to fight off cannibals. What in holy crap?! Even when they’re huddled around a fire in their tattered clothes and in no immediate danger, I still feel unsafe. The first time I watched this movie, I stopped it three times because I couldn’t handle the stress of the dad deciding on whether or not to shoot his son in order to keep him from getting captured or them running into strangers in general.

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2) What’s Eating Gilbert Grape – A few years before the Titanic guy saved Rose, he was in this little movie with Johnny Depp flaunting his acting skills. Who knew? The first time I watched this I was at my aunt’s house. She rented it from the local movie store on VHS. At the end of the movie, the VCR rewound the tape automatically, but wouldn’t eject it afterwards. As my aunt fiddled around with the tape, I said, “Well, it looks like the VCR ate Gilbert Grape.” Hee-hyah hee-hyah.

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1) The Professional – You know what’s beautiful? A hit man taking in a 12-year-old so that she can avenge the death of her little brother. Jean Reno as the Professional is so endearing because of his innocent, goofy look, and it’s also forgivable that he kills for money, like “He just shot that drug dealer in the head…aww!” My favorite scene is when Gary Oldman and his crooked cops massacre the family of a little girl named Mathilda. No, not that. But when young Natalie Portman is forced to walk by her murdered family nonchalantly in order to land at the doorstep of her neighbor, the Professional. The music is intense, the Professional is torn with the decision to leave her outside, while he sees her begging with her teary eyes through the peephole to let her in. Oh, Mathilda..you’re such a badss when you smoke cigarettes. Ok, I tried a few cigarettes once because I wanted to be a little bad ass too. It was Earth Day and I thought it was hilarious and I thought it would be a perfect day to pick up a bad ass habit. I chain smoked six cigarettes (is six considered a chain?) at a party with older, seemingly bad ass kids. I got a chance to practice my bad ass move of flicking the ass with my middle finger. An older girl walked up to me and asked if she could bum a smoke. I turned to her badassingly and said, “Nah, this is my last one.” My mom ended up taking my bad ass to the hospital that night because of hives.