This Is The Best Age For Sex For Men And Women

Age ain’t nothing but a number, especially when it comes to having truly satisfying sex. 

According to Match.com’s annual Singles in America report, it’s not Tinder- and Grindr-using millennials who are having the best sex of their lives. It’s their parents: On average, single women reported having their best sex at age 66. For single men, the sweet spot was 64.

The findings, based on a survey of 5,000 singles of all ages, ethnicities, and income levels across the U.S, come as no surprise to sex therapists. Sex tends to improve once you’ve learned that your sex appeal isn’t based entirely on your physical appearance. Unfortunately, that’s a lesson that takes most people years to learn, said Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist and the creator of Finishing School, an online orgasm course for women.

“With my clients in their 20s and 30s, self-consciousness is a huge factor in why they aren’t able to enjoy sex: Younger people are too in their heads about what their bodies look like, how they’re performing and what their partner is thinking. Eventually, that wears off,” Marin told HuffPost. “Even between the 20s and the 30s, there’s already a significant decrease in self-consciousness.”

The survey finding is a welcome counterpoint to commonly held beliefs about sex in our 50s and beyond. Why do we worry it’s all downhill once we hit a certain age?

In part, it’s because our bodies do change as we age, and as a result, so does sex, said Celeste Hirschman, a sex therapist who co-authored the book Making Love Real: The Intelligent Couple’s Guide to Lasting Intimacy and Passion with her business partner Danielle Harel.

Come mid-life, our bodies may not be as taut as they once were. Sex itself may be full of new challenges: Women may grapple with pain or dryness brought on by menopause, and many older men have problems with premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction. 

Still, there are workarounds that, in many cases, make sex just as enjoyable, if not more than, it was before, Hirschman said. 

“Yes, some kinds of sex become more difficult, but the plus is that these changes generally make communication and creativity much more essential,” Hirschman said. “When we’re young, sex is often a swift race to penetrative sex without much foreplay or fantasy added in. When penetrative sex is less of a goal, people can become more creative and sex can actually get a lot better.”

Realizing that an orgasm and penetration isn’t the be-all-end-all-of sex can be a game changer, regardless of age. In fact, Hirschman said a client once boasted that the best sex she’d ever had was with a partner with erectile dysfunction.

“They were together for a year and she said she had the best orgasms of her life, and he had great ones, too, just not from penetration.”

Another reason post-50 sex may be so fulfilling? The older you get, the less compelled you feel to put up with rigid sexual expectations and roles, said Kimberly Resnick Anderson, a sex therapist in Los Angeles.

That’s especially true of older women, many of whom spent their 20s and 30s searching for a partner to start a family with some day.

“That search often shapes what women in their 20s and 30s are willing to do and tolerate with their partners,” Resnick Anderson said. “As women age, they become more selfish, in a good way: No more worries about getting pregnant, no more worries about their kids barging in on them. Plus, many have an increased comfort with their bodies and a healthy sense of entitlement to sexual satisfaction.”

“Sex at 65 or 70 can feel carefree and easy because it is more about pleasure and connection and less about performance and ‘selling yourself.’” Kimberly Resnick Anderson, a sex therapist in Los Angeles

As Resnick Anderson explained, post-50 women (and men) are finally “taking ownership of their sexuality” and reaping the benefits. More modern and progressive views about sex allow women to celebrate their sexuality in a way that they couldn’t 30 or 40 years ago, the therapist added, pointing to one of her clients as an example. 

“After 40 years of faking orgasms, a 63-year-old client of mine actually got to know her body and what genuinely felt good to her,” Resnick Anderson said. “Sex at 65 or 70 can feel carefree and easy because it’s more about pleasure and connection and less about performance and ‘selling yourself.’”

Younger people would be wise to adopt the same sexual confidence, Hirshman added. 

“As a sex therapist, I hope people start to get to know themselves sexually at a younger age and feel comfortable asking for what they want from their partners,” Hirshman said. “Lowering shame and judgement around sex will mean more people having great sex at every age!”

Source: RSS Feed Huffingtonpost

 

To bring this article back home, the reasoning behind why sex when older is better, is the exact reason why sex as a married couple is better.  Your body, the expectations, or having to sell yourself, is all out the window.  If you are married and still trying to sell yourself to your life partner, you aren’t doing marriage right.  You should be totally comfortable and open to everything you and your partner want to try.  You should be connected to how you feel, not to how you look, how you moan, or how good you are to him/her.  

How Writing About Sex Made Me A Better Person

 

Extremely good article about being a sex blogger/writer.   A lot of these points mirror our own.

 

The summer before my senior year, my friends got jobs in retail or food service, and I got a job writing about sex — my mother was very proud.

I was hired as a staff writer for Sex, Etc., a sex education magazine by teens and for teens, overseen by a board of writing and medical professionals. It’s produced and distributed nationwide by the nonprofit Answer, whose mission is to provide “unfettered access to sexuality education for young people and the adults who teach them.”

It’s definitely a niche job; writing for Sex, Etc. requires a unique skillset and a willingness to talk openly about some very taboo ideas. I learned a lot in my short time here thus far, but it has already revolutionized the ways I understand the world, my community, and myself. I am a better person because of it.

1. It made me more mindful and tolerant.

No matter how open-minded I claimed to be, working at Sex, Etc. made me realize even I am prone to the knee jerk reaction of being judgey. I hadn’t realized how much my own criticisms were affecting my activism and my journalism ― which is supposed to be unbiased.

Especially when it came controversial subjects like sex, my LGBT-inclusiveness and anti-slut shaming rhetoric masked some deeply ingrained prejudices. I made sweeping generalizations about people who may think or behave differently than me.

But at Sex Etc., that type of unproductive mindset was called out and challenged. As one my editors said the first day on the job: “Don’t ‘yuck’ someone else’s ‘yum.’”

In other words, if it’s legal, consensual, and not hurting anyone, don’t worry about what happens behind closed doors.

2. It taught me to respect people’s boundaries.

Prior to working at Sex, Etc., it never occurred to me how often I really should be affirming consent with the people around me.

The answer: Always.

Writing for Sex, Etc. isn’t all about the nitty gritty. Likewise, sex isn’t the only boundary you should be wary of crossing. Even a well-meaning hug requires some form of consent.

It isn’t limited to physical interactions either. You should get explicit consent before posting someone’s photo online, giving out their personal information (such as social media or phone number), or engaging someone in a conversation about potentially sensitive subject matter.

3. It made me more confident.

As a journalist, it’s important I state the truth no matter how uncomfortable it is. As a teenage girl, I’ve been conditioned not to cause a fuss, and to shy away from words like “vagina” or “menstruation” in public (sorry again, Mom).

Working at Sex, Etc. helped me realize my body isn’t uniquely gross and weird. Rather, we are all equally gross and weird, and it’s important to accept our natural selves as we are.

4. For the first time in my life, I received quality sex education.

My freshman year of high school, my teacher showed the class a slide show of late stage gonorrhea. Then, during my senior year, I got to carry around a flour sack baby to learn about the “miracles of life.”

But beyond that, my sex education came from Google. Despite my best efforts to use reliable sources, I learned at Sex, Etc. how complicated sex education can really be. Even sources that seemed reliable ended up giving me misleading information about my sexual health.

Not to mention, public school sex ed all but ignored LGBT topics. So, being on staff provided me with comprehensive education about sexual orientation and gender, as well as contraceptives, STDs and consent, in ways I probably wouldn’t have access to otherwise.

5. I learned how much I have to learn.

I see myself as someone who is well-read. I spent a lot of my early teen years reading about gender studies, sexuality, rape culture and reproductive rights, among other things.

So, it was a real culture shock when I started writing about this stuff and realized how in the dark I really was.

Even with the world at my fingertips I wasn’t able to adequately educate myself on my own. I couldn’t have. I didn’t even know what I didn’t know, and that’s terrifying in its own right. But even scarier is the fact that most of my peers will never learn these things, especially in states where sex education is abstinence only, if it even exists at all.

Sending young people out into the world without comprehensive sexuality education is setting them up for failure. All people have a right to know about their own bodies. But between the active suppression of sex education, the defunding of sexual health resources, and the blatant disregard of fact in favor of political censorship, that can seem like an almost impossible feat.

I was lucky to have the opportunity to write for Sex, Etc. I am a better, more educated person because of it. Now, I hope to use that experience to shape a society in which all people of all ages are empowered to make healthy sexual choices for themselves.

Source: RSS Feed Huffingtonpost

Designer Dildo Contains Your Loved One’s Cremated Ashes

It’s a sex toy that someone — maybe you — will be dying to use.

Dutch designer Mark Sturkenboom has just created a sex toy that includes a mini-urn to hold the cremated remains of that special someone.

The erotically-shaped urn is part of “21 Grams,” a memory box devised by Sturkenboom to help grieving people feel the presence of their loved ones.

The title refers to the purported weight of the human soul based on a now-discredited study by Dr. Douglas MacDougall, an early 20th century physician who weighed patients before and after death to see if there was a change in weight, according to Snopes.com.

Besides the death-oriented dildo, Sturkenboom’s memory boxes come with a perfume diffuser that can hold the departed’s signature scent, and an iPod amplifier so the bereaved can play songs that remind them of the deceased, Dezeen.com reports.

The box can also hold other keepsakes related to the dead loved one, and comes with a brass key that can be worn as a pendant, Yahoo! News reports.

Sturkenboom said an elderly neighbor inspired him to create the memory box.

“I sometimes help an elderly lady with her groceries and she has an urn standing near the window with the remains of her husband,” he said, according to the Metro. “She always speaks with so much love about him but the jar he was in didn’t reflect that at all.

“In that same period I read an article about widows, taboos and sex and intimacy and then I thought to myself ‘Can I combine these themes and make an object that is about love and missing and intimacy?'”

Sturkenboom hasn’t officially marketed the boxes yet. He told The Huffington Post that the price hasn’t been determined.

He also hopes that people focus on the reasoning behind the concept and not the sex aspect.

“I would much appreciate if the term ‘sex toy’ or ‘dildo’ are not the headlines,” he told HuffPost by email. “It’s a conversational piece. A metaphor.”

Source: RSS Feed Huffingtonpost

Sexlifeandeverything.com:   We used a Clone-A-Willy to make clones of Ryan’s penis.  If he passes away, maybe I can put his ashes inside his own penis clone.  I have no problem with this idea and think its absolutely wonderful!

8 Things People Who’ve Been In Open Marriages Wish You Understood

Open marriages and other types of “monogam-ish” relationships are still considered taboo by many. But for couples with a strong foundation built on love, trust and communication and a mutual desire to open the marriage, it can be a positive experience. 

Below, men and women who have been part of an open marriage clear up some of the widely held assumptions that are just plain wrong. 

MYTH: They don’t take their marriage seriously. 

“[People think] that we are not committed, that we are cavalier about our relationship or marriage. This could not be further from the truth! I am 100 percent committed and loyal to my husband. That is why I do consensual non-monogamy ― in the long term I see that it enhances our connection.” ― Gracie X, author of Wide Open

We both take our relationship and marriage very serious.  We have been married for nearly 20 years and we our intimate twice a day and haven’t had any outside experiences in nearly 2 years.  Just because you can, doesn’t mean you will.  And just because you do, doesn’t mean you don’t.

MYTH: The relationship must be on the rocks. 

“There’s a misconception that it must mean there’s something wrong with your relationship or that you no longer love each other. All it really means is that you’re both very horny and want some variety. It can get monotonous eating your same favorite meal night after night, year after year. This way, you relearn to appreciate that meal even more.”  ― Richie Cohen of the married comedy duo Dick and Duane

Our entire blog is proof that this entire idea is a myth.

MYTH: The conversation about opening the marriage is always initiated by the husband. 

“Women have sex drives just like men. And jealousy is not a female prerogative. Open relationships have nothing to do with gender and everything to do with relationship style. Both men and women can desire non-monogamy, and that desire can change throughout one’s life. So don’t be surprised if you find yourself a serial monogamist one day and an open relationship proponent the next.” ― Jenny Block, excerpted from “The 9 Biggest Myths About Open Marriage” 

The conversation about an open marriage began with us talking about our sexuality.  I am bisexual and felt like exploring those feelings while with my husband.  Although we have memoirs about our entire experiences with other women, I feel it was mutual communication that got us into an open marriage where we share the same women.

MYTH: They’re not considerate of their partner’s feelings. 

“Being open or polyamorous requires being incredibly considerate and conscientious with regards to the feelings and well-being of everyone around you. In my experience, the most adept and successful polyamorous people are ones who live by the calendar and hash out dates relatively far in advance and with the prior knowledge and enthusiastic consent of their primary partners.” ― writer Grant Stoddard 

This is just silly.  

MYTH: Only selfish and immature people take part in open relationships.

“I think a huge misconception is that if you’re doing non-monogamy, you must be emotionally immature and not really in love. Non-monogamous couples who are mutually interested in this relationship model ― starting from a strong foundation and committed to one another as their primary relationship ― truly do enjoy the best of both worlds that many monogamous people secretly fantasize about: the security and love of marriage and the adventure and eroticism of variety. There are more couples making this work than most people believe. I failed at it, but there are many people succeeding.” ― Robin Rinaldi, editor of the online magazine Together 

A lot of couples that openly enjoy the experience of playing with other woman together, no strings attached, and openly use the 3rd person as a living sex doll. As long as all 3 people are totally okay with this idea, there is nothing selfish about it.  I suppose the couple is being selfish towards the 3rd person’s feelings, but usually the 3rd person is in the situation because they want to be used by a couple.  

MYTH: They’re just a bunch of wild sex addicts. 

“Not everyone in an open marriage is some kind of sex-addicted freak show. Between household duties, raising children and having a meaningful relationship with my husband, I do not have a lot of time to dedicate to having sex with other people, even if I wanted to. I do not have sex with every man I meet. I do not want to steal your husband. I do not even want to have sex with your husband. I do not have sex at the grocery store or soccer practice or bring strange men into our home.” ― Gwen & Lark for YourTango, excerpted from I’m In An Open Marriage And You Would Never Know It” 

We personally haven’t actively pursued any partner in 2 years, but our intimate with each other twice a day.  This is called our circle and we have been practicing the circle for about 4 or 5 years.  We do leave the door open for partners, but we are intimate so much, a 3rd person is simply a tool we use to get our own rocks off together.  

MYTH: All people in open marriages are cut from the same cloth.

“The biggest misconception is that non-monogamous people are of a certain stripe and conduct their relationships in a certain way. As Lux Alptraum wrote in an article published just recently, ‘It’s important to recognize that ‘non-monogamy’ isn’t one specific, discrete thing. In the same way that ‘non-Christians’ practice a wide and varied array of religions, people who eschew monogamy do so in a number of different ways.” ― writer Grant Stoddard 

Silly.  All fingerprints are the same too.

MYTH: Once you open a relationship, it stays open.

“You can be open for any part of a relationship. It may be something you want after you have been with someone for a long time. Or you may find that after being open for a long time you find yourself craving monogamy again. Just be warned that the transition from closed to open and open to closed is not always easy, and both partners have to be on board at the same time, which can be tricky. Again, talking all along the way is the only way to make this work. (In case you have not noticed, being in a successful open relationship requires a lot of talking.)” ― Jenny Block, excerpted from “The 9 Biggest Myths About Open Marriage” 

Since we have not had a 3rd woman in our room in almost 2 years, I’d say this is totally a myth.  I don’t see why we would close the door to a better lifestyle, but I suppose we could if we communicated and both thought it was best for our marriage.  We no longer believe in the idea of monogamy and feel it’s how a lot of marriages fail.

Source: RSS Feed Huffingtonpost

Sex Organ Beauty Pageants Bulging Out All Over (NSFW)

Beauty contests once focused on the whole package. Now some are just focused on the package — literally.

On Saturday, the Brooklyn-based Kings County Saloon held its 3rd Annual Smallest Penis Contest.

In addition, Autoblow, a company that makes a machine designed to perform artificial blowjobs, is now holding a contest to find America’s “most beautiful vagina.”

Add to the mix Brazil’s asinine Miss Bum Bum contest, where women compete to win the coveted title of having the country’s most shapely posterior.

Having pageants focused on particular body parts might seem impersonal, but Jesse Levitt of the Kings County Saloon, says it was a personal relationship that inspired the first “Smallest Penis Contest” in 2013.

“My business partner Amy had a bad romantic experience with a guy who was too big,” he told HuffPost. “We wanted to give a shout out to the smaller guys who go the extra mile in bed. [The contest is] not about smallness, but confidence and heart — guys who are proud to be who they are.”

This year’s winning weiner belongs to a contestant named “the Puzzlemaster,” who climaxed the peewee penis pageant with a altered version of “Goldfinger,” to reflect his endowment.

“Every girl, beware of his cock and balls… this cock is small!” he crooned, according to the Daily Beast.

smallest dick contest

Levitt admits the “Smallest Penis Contest” is “taboo and voyeuristic, but figures it’s also a statement about equality.

“We have a lot of things that objectify women’s bodies, but not as many for men,” he said.

Brian Sloan, the owner and founder of Very Intelligent Ecommerce Inc., the parent company of Autoblow, says his “Vagina Beauty Contest” isn’t meant to objectify the vagina, he just wants to improve the quality of his products.

“A dirty little secret of the adult toy industry is that the majority of vagina masturbators that are supposedly molded from porn stars and sold as replicas are, in fact, not molded from porn stars and are far from being replicas,” Sloan told HuffPost by email. “If you lined up all of the vagina toys available today, you’d find 75 percent of the vaginas to be strikingly similar.”

Sloan is also aware that the beauty contest is actually looking for the best looking vulva, not a vagina, but said he’s being scientifically inaccurate in the name of good branding.

“Vulva doesn’t have the same ring to it as vagina,” he said. “Yes, I’ve taken some linguistic liberty with the name of this contest, but people will just deal with it.”

The “Vagina Beauty Contest” currently has 15 vulvas competing to win cash prizes of $5,000, $2,500 and $1,500.

The top three vote-getting vaginas will be flown to Los Angeles. The sex organs will get a 3D scan that will allow them to be duplicated publicly on future Autoblow products.

Sloan doesn’t want his own personal biases to get in the way of sales, hence the need for a contest. He realizes vulvas come in all shapes and sizes, a fact he demonstrates using lunch meat in a not-safe-for-work video about the contest.

The winning vaginas will be used in various products, but the women they belong to, will remain anonymous and without royalties.

“This particular contest isn’t about who the winners are, but only what their vaginas look like,” he said. “Royalties are more fit for a situation where we profit from some else’s achievements or abilities. This contest is simply about what nature has bestowed upon them and I think for that, a one time payment is fair compensation.” Contact The Author 

Source: RSS Feed Huffingtonpost