Each week we will post our most outrageous search terms that people used to find our website that week. Ryan and I will then share our own thoughts and hopefully entertain you guys or at least make the search term make a little less sense.
Each search term was gathered by wordpress and/or google statistics and they are all very real search terms. Each search term was used by some person in the world that ended up on our page.
10. super deepthroat / megadildo deepthroat
Ryan: Sounds exciting.
Nessa: Sounds like an amazing se-XMen movie.
Ryan: The Return of Magneto and Mandingo
Nessa: se-Xmen Origins: Polverine.
Nessa: Professor seX and PipeCrawler
Ryan: I’m done.
Nessa: The Colossus and Longshot
Nessa: Cyclops and Cumfire Released
Nessa: The Beast and Cockheed Do Dallas
Ryan: Seriously, I only know Magneto and Wolverine. Mine are all used up.
Nessa: Marvel Girl’s Rising Phoenix
9. i lost a bet and sucked another mans cock
Nessa: I have to wonder if this type of bet is contractually binding?
Ryan: Well, it is an oral agreement.
Nessa: I see what you did there.
Ryan: Depending on his size, it could have been a pinky promise.
Nessa: Just stop…
Ryan: What? The guy lost a bet so he needs to suck it up and pay the piper.
Nessa: I just think this is one of those bets a guy should welch on.
Ryan: Listen, all we have is our balls and our word…
Nessa: …and apparently another man’s balls in your mouth.
Ryan: Oh god. If a man says he is going to mow your grass, well damnit, he better not let the weeds grow.
Nessa: If I was a man and I found out the weeds squirted sperm in my face, your yard would be a damn forest.
8. pics of women who will swallow my cum
Nessa: Is he looking for pictures of women that would possibly swallow his cum?
Ryan: Hmmm, kind of like a classified ad.
Nessa: “Wanted: Woman who will swallow my cum. Must be a woman. Must have a mouth. Please send selfie shots to email@example.com”
7. my husband wants to let our baby suck his dick
Ryan: Not cool at all.
Nessa: What the fuck.
6. what women think of anal cum shits
Nessa: Truly a question for the ages.
Ryan: Listen, I’m still not over the last one. Like, seriously, why put the baby term on the list and then follow up with cum shits?
Nessa: You’re welcome.
5. lol dildo swallowed
Nessa: I don’t see what’s so funny.
Ryan: All your lulz are belong to us.
Nessa: Really Ryan?
Ryan: What? The person thinks it’s funny to swallow dildos. Nothing wrong with that.
Nessa: Okay Mr. Funny Guy, how about you make me laugh.
4. biggest dick ever been deepthroated
Nessa: I’m flattered this person was led to us
Ryan: You’re flattered? So am I, unfortunately he was extremely let down.
Nessa: Ha! Stop.
Ryan: Not laughing.
Nessa: All your lulz are not belong to us!?
3. i let him see my vagnia
Nessa: Since when did we become a confession booth?
Ryan: I don’t think God has any problem with vagnias.
Nessa: We should Urban Dictionary some of these terms we get.
Ryan: Well, what exactly does vagnia mean to you V?
Nessa: Vag-ni-a (noun): A 6th sense found in females that gives them power to control a male
Ryan: Oh that term is already in Urban Dictionary. It’s called Pussy Whipped.
2. will my wife enjoy wearing a butt plug during sex
Nessa: What the hell. Why don’t you ask her?
Ryan: Actually, I googled that term and clicked our site to see if you would answer it on Freaky Friday.
Nessa: I hope you are fucking kidding me.
Nessa: Well what?
Ryan: Will my wife enjoy wearing a butt plug during sex?
Ryan: This is my new form of communication. Google terms and somehow have it lead back to our page so you can answer my questions.
Nessa: So smartie, how well did that whole, ‘get an answer’ thing work out for you?
Ryan: Well, give me a chance to perfect this communication technique.
1. if i swallow my own sperm from masterbating will i get a disease
Ryan: This depends on what exactly you do prior to swallowing your sperm. Let’s say you sperm into a nice cold bottle of delicious syphilis on a hot day, it may be possible.
Nessa: I like the way you make that bottle of mountain brewed syphilis delight almost sound wonderful.
Ryan: Well, it did make me thirsty…
Nessa: Do you want me to give you a minute alone in the bathroom or something?
Bonus: dustins nipple