Thanks to the random advice floating around the internet, dating is only getting easier. While browsing the internet we found some great advice that we decided to share with our readers, specifically our female readers. As you know, we preach open communication in a relationship. In fact, most of our answers to every question we get has to do with some sort of communication. Well, communication doesn’t start after you are married. It can start on a first date, or even on the date where you are planning on having sex with your date for the first time. Read below:
When I’m dating someone new, I usually expect we’ll have sex sometime between dates 1 and 4. Even if I’m expecting it will happen on a particular night, I typically let the man make the first (physical) move. (If you’re into more submissive men, or are a more aggressive person, then rock on, but this LPT is not for you.) The thing is, I want him to know that I’m ready for it, because when he’s ready I don’t want him to hold back/get anxious/get worked up about mechanics.
The key phrase I have used in the past is: “We’re having sex tonight, right?”
The responses tend to range from “Hell yes we are,” to arm snakes over my shoulder “Yep.”
Ask the question when you’re engaged in an activity that is not making out or cuddling unless you want the sex to commence right then. (In that case, don’t bother asking, honestly. Just put your hands on the fly of his pants and wait for the all-clear.)
Good times to ask are when you’re both watching a movie (whisper it in his ear if you’re at the movies), about to finish dinner, or in the latter half of a romantic walk.
Why is it good to bring up sex casually ahead of time?
1. So he knows you’re game.
Obviously you can revoke consent at any time up to and during sex, but giving him the all-clear ahead of time is a good way to get his juices flowing. Now he knows ahead of time that you want it, and he’s less likely to be second-guessing himself during the transition from making out to humping.
2. It’s a good time to mention important details that haven’t come up yet.
Instead of both of you hurriedly consenting to sex in the seconds it takes you to remove your clothes, giving some lead time offers you both an opportunity to mention preferred methods of contraception (do either of you have a latex allergy?), std’s, and things you DO NOT WANT. (“Hell yes we’re having sex tonight! Just stay away from my butthole, you saucy minx.”)
3. It lets you get your heads in the game.
Sex with someone new can be kind of tricky. It can take you longer than you expect to get fully aroused, especially since figuring each other out can lead to some clumsiness. Having time to warm up mentally before you get started physically can help.
4. You can excuse yourself to the bathroom.
Instead of tearing yourself away during the heavy petting, now you can go to the bathroom and do your pre-sex ritual in an atmosphere of calm expectation. For me, this means swabbing downstairs with a summer’s eve wipe, changing into the secret pair of fresh panties I keep in my purse, refreshing my perfume, taking off spanx and/or tights, popping a breath mint (in my mouth, you freaks), and giving my hair a once-over. I always imagine dudes use this time to clear their floor of discarded boxers, neaten up their sheets, and chug another beer, but I really have no idea what they’re up to. Obviously your rituals will differ, but talking about sex before you do it gives everybody a little extra time to be at their best when things go down (heh), which is nice, because distractions are the last thing you want!
5. The answer might be “no!”
Finally, it’s great to talk about sex before you’re physically worked up for it, because your prospective partner might not be into it. If they respond, “Eh… I’ve had a lot to drink…” or “I’ve got an early day tomorrow,” then you’ll know to cool your jets.
This is actually a really good thing! It’s much better to discover that your partner doesn’t want sex in an emotionally neutral way. This way they don’t turn you down after you’re already naked. Plus, this doesn’t mean you can’t make out/snuggle/give each other foot rubs. All it means is that you need to turn off the part of your brain that reads into that stuff as foreplay.
Great advice for sure!