Q&A: How Can I Get My Wife To Give Me Blow Jobs Again?

blow jobI need some advice on how to approach my wife about giving me blow jobs again.

I love sex, but blow jobs are much better in my opinion. My wife doesn’t give me as much sex as I would like either, but I want to address one problem at a time. She used to be enthusiastic about giving me daily blow jobs when we first started dating. Things were great. She tells me that I’m just imagining this, but I know my memories are real. Than we moved in together and it lowered to once per week. I didn’t think anything of it. We bought a cat and it lowered to once per month when she was on her period. We got married 3 years ago and the last blow job (where I finish in her mouth) that she has given me, without months of begging and hinting, was the third day of our honeymoon. Now I have to hint, beg, and complain for about 6 months before she’ll at least do it as 4 play and it only lasts for about 10 seconds. I’m getting really depressed and fed up about it. I’ve asked and she always has an excuse. I can’t sleep tonight because I’m so depressed about this situation. I give her oral as often as she wants and she loves it, but she refuses to reciprocate. I’ve asked female friends and they tell me to do things that I already do (i.e. help with the cooking, cleaning, give compliments, regular date nights, etc.) I’m out of ideas and I can’t sleep tonight because I’ve been hinting for 7 months with no luck and I really deserved one today. I cleaned the whole apartment, cooked a delicious dinner with no help, washed the dishes, listened to her complain about her job, agreed with her that her boss is stupid, and gave her a massage. All I want is what she at least pretended to like doing before I fell in love. I don’t think that is asking to much. I give her nightly massages and foot rubs and she won’t take no for an answer. If I don’t, than she starts kicking me until I do it. I can’t kick her because I’ll go to jail. I’ve tried to bring it up before and it usually leads to us having a fight, so does anyone have any ideas? Maybe some advice on a better way to word my request?

Nessa’s response:
Before I begin, let me explain that I was once like your wife. In fact, a lot of women are just like us. In the beginning, women use their sexual prowess to “snag the guy.” It’s true. In your case, it looks like the more committed you became to her, the less she felt she had to work to “get you.”

Dating time = several weeks Result = daily blow jobs

Dating time = several months Result = move in together, weekly blow job

Dating time = several months Result = buy a cat, monthly blow job (I’m completely blown away by this since cats are pretty much house trained and don’t require too much maintenance)

Dating time = n/a Result = married, beg and hint for 6 months to get a 10 second blow job

You’re doing exactly what she wants her man to do. Not only that, she has you wrapped around your finger to the point where you feel bad for asking for more than what you used to get. I hate to say this, but you’ve become her bitch. You cook for her, then clean up; you get kicked when you refuse to massage her feet; when you bring up your feelings, it ends up in a fight. Those are all terrible things for you to go through, especially when you’re trying to make an effort.

Oftentimes we get comfortable with someone, especially when there is no chase; you’ve won that person, and we forget the things that we did to impress him/her. That’s pretty sad. Definitely do NOT kick her :/ but realize that it’s time for you to take charge. My first reaction was to tell you to talk to her, but I feel like you’ve talked to her many times before. Talking is like the first in your relationship chain-of-command because that’s what adults do, but clearly you’re not in an adult relationship, or at least she doesn’t act like she is. Kicking you until you give her what she wants…that’s three-year-old behavior. And what happens to three-year-olds who don’t get what they want? They get put in time out. Put your wife in time out. Tell her in a stern, serious voice, “No, I’m not giving you a massage. You don’t do shit for me.” If she continues to act out and do bodily harm to you, leave the room. Leave the house if you have to. After enough times she will get the hint, and at minimum, may even ask, “Is it something I did?” Be ready for that day. Be ready to tell her what she’s done to lead you to refusing to give her massages, leaving the house, etc. Be ready to tell her you love her, but you’re not happy with her and you’re not happy with the scraps she gives you. Be ready to stand your ground. Because a real woman will talk things out with you, will listen to your side of the story with an open mind, and will do what she can to come to a compromise.

Ryan’s response:
Wait, your blow jobs slowed down to once a month because you bought a cat?   Well, let me mark that off Nessa’s  Christmas wishlist .

[]  Ryan Claus, I would like a cute little kitten 

Nessa, you do have a cute little kitten , but you will never have a cat!  Especially now.  I didn’t realize cats were natural born cock blockers.

As far as the question goes, unfortunately I have no advice that is really effective, besides threatening to end the relationship.  Your wife will never magically miss your penis and want to put her mouth around it again, especially now that she knows all your secrets, from bad hygiene to hearing you fart in your sleep.  The luster of being mysterious and worthy of her mouth around your cock has passed.   She knows your personality, she knows the goofy things you say and do, and she no longer feels the need to get down on her knees and service you.  It may be an ego thing, a power thing, a submissive thing, a hygiene thing, or just her being lazy.   The point is, you will never be worth a blow job each day again unless…

What I am going to say next is not advice, it’s your new reality.  If you feel you need blow jobs or more sex (intimacy), you need to discuss with your spouse about how serious the issue is.  If it’s serious enough to end the relationship, she needs to know.  If it’s not that serious, then get used to long talks and her possibly changing for a few days, but reverting back to how she is now.  You are no longer appreciated the same way you were when you first met, and unfortunately, that’s just the way our brains work. We get comfortable and complacent and forget how important it is to keep the person we love happy.  To be totally honest, the idea of losing you is probably the only thing that will ever bring back your blow jobs.  She can change her ways when she sees she may lose you, or she can lose you and start giving blow jobs to her future boyfriends for the next few years until she establishes a new permanent relationship. Her mind will move back into the grooming process, the same as your mind will have you bathing in cologne, holding in your farts, brushing your teeth 10 x a day, and opening your next girlfriend’s car door.

It’s human nature.  Threatening to leave may work, but if you do not back up your threats your relationship will never be the same.  It’s not the threat that will change your wife, it’s the idea that you aren’t threatening her and you are actually willing to give up your marriage if she doesn’t give you what you need from the relationship.  I do not think breaking up over blow jobs is the mature thing to do, but breaking up because of all the reasons why she no longer feels the need to please you is.  Life is too short to accept mediocre.

As far as cleaning the house being the key to getting your blow jobs back? Maybe once. Just prepare to be a full time maid and yard boy for the rest of your life, and don’t ever think working your ass off around the house is reason enough to expect payment in the form of a blow job.  Changing and becoming the ultimate beta male is not the way to go about receiving an alpha male blow job.   This last paragraph (sentence) deserves much more attention than I will give it, but to put it shortly, do not become a slave for blow jobs.  Being a total pushover to get what you want is not manly and it will eventually turn you into a doormat for the relationship.  If it did work, it’s only a temporary fix and it won’t last, as you’ve already seen. 

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10 thoughts on “Q&A: How Can I Get My Wife To Give Me Blow Jobs Again?

  1. Just talk to your wife and let her know that you would like to get more blow jobs. Ask her if there is anything she would like more from you?

    • I did talk to her, she says one thing but continues to ignore my needs. I’d hate to threaten to divorce her because she doesn’t want to suck my dick enough.

  2. This made me angry and sad, how can a person be this selfish.
    I used to live with my BF and some times I just arrived from job and grab him and pull his zipper down and tried to open his jeans (in order to give him a BJ) because I reeeeally feel me like doing it and he just told me “I’m not in the mood”, at the beginning I thought ok, is normal we are not all the time in sex mood, but after 5-6 times of being rejected and he never been in mood for me giving to him a BJ and of course neither sex, I started to realize that we have huge problem!! well, we are not together anymore but the point is: there is girls that we like to give BJ because when you really love somebody is like giving a kisses, you just feel the need and desire to do it, like kissing, hugging and etc. I feel bad about you dear, hope things get better.

  3. Spot on advice. Awesome job. My best friend of 26 years is going thru this exact same thing, but he’s further along with two kids and two dogs and absolutely no oral sex-zilch. He’s lucky if he gets laid four times a year. He needs to leave his wife before wasting any more precious time, as he’s 40. I’m sending him this Q & A and I hope he can glean something from it…it’s a sad situation that I see all too often these days.

  4. Unless a woman is willing to take care of her man (few are), nothing he says or does is going to change her attitude toward anything – sexual or not.

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