Q&A: How do you enjoy sex if you have it everyday?

1287554731Mark via the internet

If I read your bio correctly, you guys have sex once or twice a day?  I am curious how a couple can even enjoy sex if they have it every day.  Do you change positions non stop, talk different and role play, or add anything extra each day to make sex more enjoyable?   I have sex with my wife maybe twice a week and we are both scared that if we had it more, we may end up hating it.  We do different positions and even role play, but I am just boggled how anyone could have sex with each other every single day and it not get completely old and boring.

Thanks guys.

Nessa’s response:

I believe that the excitement of sex doesn’t just come from the sexual act itself, but from the closeness and intimacy you feel when you’re with each other.  To me, if you want to orgasm and you’re using your partner to do it, you’re already going about it the wrong way.  Sex shouldn’t be used as a time to get your rocks off.  It should be used to tell your partner that you missed her throughout the day, that you thought about her all day, that you couldn’t wait to get home to her.  It should be used to remind her of your love for her, of how her body feels on you, under you, etc.  Making love is another form of communication.  It’s like saying, “I love you and missed you” with our bodies.  Do you ever get bored or tired of hearing your partner say he/she loves you before she goes to bed or leaves for work?  If you are in love, I wouldn’t think so.  Well, making love or having sex with someone you love, is our body’s way to communicate and say we love each other.  It doesn’t get old.  It’s like naughty snuggling.  Don’t count the number of times you have sex a week.  If you feel like you want to be intimate with her, kiss her arms or her neck.  If the time is right, you will both be put in a loving, intimate mood.  On the other hand, we do use sex to satisfy our sexual needs.  I say this because a guy can jack off and a girl can grab her Hitachi Magic Wand and that would be end of that.  When we are feeling frisky and adventurous, we cut straight to the chase.  I get him hard by stroking him and talking shit, or I devour his cock and then slide myself down on him.  We’re open about the things we want to try and are constantly changing.  Sometimes it works, sometimes not.  But that is the beauty of a relationship: your partner is there to fulfill your fantasies and fetishes without judgment.  My time with Ryan doesn’t get boring.  See how I said “time”?  It’s not about sex and cumming, it’s about a break from our hectic schedules to be with your mate.

Ryan’s response:

Me and Nessa  have sex twice a day, every day.  We wake up with each other and go to bed with each other.  This isn’t something we have always done, but as we grew and learned each other, we realized that to keep a relationship strong, you have to work at it.

If I want strong healthy teeth, I brush and floss daily.  If I want a strong healthy body, I work on it each day.  Whether it be eating properly, cardio, or lifting weights in the gym, it’s a lifestyle.  A relationship is no different.  If you want a healthy strong relationship, you have to be intimate and work on it each day.   If I go to the gym with a negative attitude and tell myself, “Oh my god, this is so boring to sit here and exercise.”  Guess what?  It’s going to be boring.   The first thing you adjust is your attitude.  A good sex life is a lifestyle.   If you keep a positive attitude towards sex, then sex will be amazing.  If you wake up in the morning and remind yourself how much you love your partner, how can that get boring?  Not only will sex be amazing, but your mind will be preoccupied with your partner throughout the day.  If you know each night that no matter what, you will get to experience your partner’s positive attitude, enthusiasm, and body, the pressure free atmosphere of sex becomes the most relaxing part of your day.    I do not ask myself if I will get lucky tonight, I do not have to.  I can kiss on my wife and hug her without her feeling I am doing this to get something back.  Whether I kiss her or not, we both know, we are going to be intimate with each other.  There are no hidden agendas behind our affection.  There is no resentment towards how we treat each other to get what we want, because our sex life is our lifestyle.  We do for each other because we want too, we have sex each night because we understand it will keep our relationship strong and healthy.  How could a man or woman who sleeps with each other each morning and night, sharing intimate moments,  ever want or accidentally cheat?  How could a man who wakes up to his wife giving him enthusiastic oral sex ever want oral sex from any other woman?  The same question for a woman, except worded slightly different.  How could a woman want attention from another man if her partner is enthusiastic about giving her attention, whether it be in the bedroom or in conversation.

I can type forever regarding the importance of intimacy, but let me answer the question more directly.  Does watching TV 4 hours a day get boring?  Does sitting on the computer each night for hours get boring?  Does looking down on your phone playing Angry Birds and tweeting get boring?   Does playing with your kids and spending family time every day get boring?   People do things daily, as a part of their own lifestyle that never gets boring.  It’s what they know.  How could spending time with the person you picked, out of billions of people, to spend the rest of your precious life with it, ever get boring?   Now add being naked, whispering dirty in each others ears, smelling each others odors and feeling the warmth of their skin on yours, while taking this huge organ that only grows for her, and sliding in and out of her body ever get boring?  How could a woman not want her man hard inside her, pumping like a machine, waiting for that moment his body releases all his DNA for her insides to feel and keep.   Love and sex  don’t die with time, if done right, they get stronger.  With the right attitude it gets more powerful.  As time goes on, instead of your sex life fading into obscurity, it builds and grows into something stronger and more intense.  The things you learn, the dirty talk you gradually get braver to say, the ideas and physical feelings you never noticed, now intensified.

I’ve always loved sex, but nothing compares to having sex when both partners promise to always be as enthusiastic as they can be, no matter what is going on around them.   The more I am intimate with Nessa, the more I fall in love with her.   It’s hard work staying in love, but having sex and being intimate each day makes that task so much easier.

 

4 thoughts on “Q&A: How do you enjoy sex if you have it everyday?

  1. Great answers guys. The only thing I differ in opinion of is Ryan’s statement/question, “How could a man who wakes up to his wife giving him enthusiastic oral sex ever want oral sex from any other woman?…How could a woman want attention from another man if her partner is enthusiastic about giving her attention…”. I do believe that even a firmly committed couple can find pleasure outside of their bedroom, with others, as long as all parties involved are in mutual agreement. Granted, this type of lifestyle is not for everyone, but it is possible. I know I can be very attracted to another man, but that does not mean I love my husband any less.
    Ultimately though, I agree with both of your answers, that sex daily isn’t about the “sex” itself or “getting off”. It’s about connecting with your partner. Orgasms are just a bonus 😉

  2. I think an “open” relationship is an exception to a lot of “rules.”

    Before Nessa and I started this blog I would talk with other couples (marriage advice or marriage improvement) and look up different statistics regarding open marriages. I’ve read (you can google this information as well) that 1.6-6% of marriages are “open.” Open meaning, the couple has agreed to allow another person into their bedrooms. This would include threesomes, swingers, etc. I’ve also read that 92% of open marriages end in divorce. I’m not great at math but 92% of the 6%%(high) that open their marriages ended up in divorce tells me that not many people figure out how to be happy sharing the person they love (body and attention) with someone else. So yes, there are certain couples who are the exceptions to the rules, but I’d never advise anyone to have a threesome or open their marriage unless they have communicated and understand that there is a huge chance your current relationship will not last.

    My advice will always be to give the person you love all of your attention and enthusiasm and the need for someone else will die off. I’d also suggest, anything you experience new, experience together. But I’m a bit old school I guess.

    Any time spent with someone else, is time you aren’t spending with the person you love more than life itself, your soulmate. Some say life is too short to be with one person, I say life is too short to be with anyone but the one person I love.

    But that’s a lifestyle argument that I can never win. 50% of marriages end in divorce without the marriages being “open”, and who knows if those 50% of marriages would have lasted longer if they actually decided to “open” it. Statistics still show that they’d eventually end regardless. We choose to do what we choose to do. Of course we stand by our decisions, because who wants to live life “guilty” or feeling like shit for bad decisions. We make ourselves believe the way we do things is the RIGHT way, the only way. I try to think outside the box, because I know my way isn’t the right way, and definitely not the only way.

  3. “….the need will die off.” That quote is incorrect.

    Not everyone is the same, some people just need more, or different. If both partners are on the same page, then both partners have agreed to not give all their attention to the other. They have openly accepted that the other will give their attention to someone else and they are okay with it. My reply was definitely not directed at an open lifestyle. If I wasn’t okay with being open and gave all my attention and enthusiasm to my wife, I’d hope that she would be happy with just me. Even if I had an agreement that we can see other people, but I decided to devote myself to her. If she told me one night she didn’t want to hang out because she wanted someone elses attention, it would hurt me. I don’t think she’d ever want to hurt me.

    No matter what I type now, my comments were directed at the 94% that are not in open relationships, lol 🙂

  4. The word “firmly committed” is the tricky part in my opinion. You can be firmly committed to an open relationship, or you can be firmly committed to only letting your spouse enjoy your body (sex or photos). Ryan and I are in the same boat, because people can question our commitment because we share our bodies with everyone through photos. I’d assume more guys have seen my body and “bush” growth now than any woman or man in an open relationship could ever share.

    No right or wrong here, just different degrees or agreements on what you are committed to.

    I am certainly not in the position to judge anyone else’s lifestyle. Some engage in open relationships, some post pictures of their partner peeing on them (hi mom!) As you said, if all parties are in mutual agreement. So really, ALL lifestyles are acceptable as long as those involved consent.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *