Thinking about sending that hottie you just met on tinder your penis selfie? Maybe your twitter finger is a bit itchy and you want to show the world what you are working with? Well before you do that, maybe you should think about letting a neutral eye critique it first. Who knows, you may lose the possible future love of your life because you sent a penis pic that wasn’t up to a woman’s standards. Yea, some women may enjoy a photoshopped 12 inch cock that is so warped the chair in the background of the photo has taken on a whole new shape, or a picture of your penis with a with a rose sticking out of its penis hole, while in the background there is a toilet filled with a log that is double the size of your schlong, but you can never get a second chance to make a first dick selfie impression! Listen fellas, let’s face it, a penis pic is a dime a dozen. There is very little demand and a whole lot of supply. What sets apart your dick from a porn stars isn’t going to be its size or shape, but the creativeness of the photo itself. That’s what women give a second look at. With that being said, let’s see if you can separate your penis selfie from the pack. Think quality, artistry, vision, grooming style, and of course, penis placement! You can submit your pics by emailing me at email@example.com.
The Xbox 360 Penis
This pose has potential…if executed properly. However, there are a few things that I just have to call attention to.
Blurriness. The only times I end up with a blurry selfie is if my camera is trying to adjust to the lighting and it goes back and forth between clear and blurry in the process. That, to me, makes me think that you’re not taking the time to take a quality picture. If you aren’t taking the time to take a quality photo, what else do you finish quickly for immediate satisfaction?
See, these pictures say a lot more about you than you know. In your mind, you think it shows the size of your dick. In a woman’s mind, it tells us exactly the type of man we are dealing with.
The Xbox 360 is also of concern. Clearly you’re in the middle of a game and just thought, “I’m going to take a cock pic while my game is loading.” Who knows. Maybe you’re watching “Kingpin” and you were waiting for the menu screen to pop up. It can be difficult waiting to press play for a movie to start. Who wants to watch previews? Not me. And although most women may not notice or care about your Xbox 360, I DO. An Xbox 360 means you can’t play the latest and greatest games. Maybe updated graphics or details means little to you, or maybe you just like playing outdated games. But hey, I’m not hating on guys who feel the need to play Halo 2 for the heck of it.
Or is the Xbox 360 in the picture because the photo is a bit outdated?
This shows a bit about your personality, like you took a really good picture five years ago, but you really, really like it, so you kept it. It’s like using a picture from your 21st birthday as a Tinder profile picture because your barber was on point that day. “Lookin’ fresh straight from the barber shop!”
The shorts creases on your tummy are also telling. This is a big no-no in selfie world. This is not a knock on you as a man, because I’ve been guilty of this myself, i.e. panty lines from sitting in an office chair all day. When taking a selfie, you must prep your body by either being nude for 10 minutes prior, or just making sure your body does not have the creases of the clothing you just had on. Nothing detracts from the eye more than seeing an underwear line around a man’s crotch.
The cords showing and one foot exposed in the background is also distracting and takes away from the focal point. Unfortunately your focal point isn’t even focused, so there isn’t even a focal point. With that being said, nothing bugs me more than seeing your big toe inches away from the power button on the Xbox 360. I am more worried about you losing your saved game on accident than seeing your penis! Please move your feet away from the power button!
All these combined – the Xbox 360, creases, quality, feet look like its going to push the xbox button – make an overall poor dick pic.