Sleeping Nude

A few years ago I asked my wife to promise me she will never lay in bed with me wearing clothes. I noticed throughout the years, we began to change our sleep schedules, change where we slept (sometimes I would sleep in different rooms just to be more comfortable), and never woke up in each others’ arms. If my wife was already in bed wearing some shorts and a tank top, I may walk past her and rub her butt, but most of the time I would take my clothes off, hop in bed with my briefs, and go to sleep. Do not get me wrong, we still had a great sex life, but sex and “bedtime” were on totally different schedules. Like I said, we would have sex, then an hour later both be sleeping in king size beds in separate rooms. I like the room completely dark, she likes to sleep with the television on. I like to have a nice side fan blowing on my body, she doesn’t like the cold air.  To most couples this would seem like a huge problem, but we were both complacent.

The truth is, it was a problem. I no longer saw my wife as someone I wanted to hold all night, touch all night, scoot close and curl my stomach around her butt while rubbing my penis against her thighs. I was turning into a colder man who was affectionate during sex, but mentally not there afterwards. A lot of it had to do with my wife shutting down as she appreciated me less. If I wanted to try something new and different, she would agree, but didn’t show any enthusiasm. The sex was never bad, but it lost the feeling of two people in love.

Back to a few years ago. My wife and I both hit a point where we knew we loved each other, but we both had the mutual feeling of boredom. The complacency wasn’t enough. The sex without enthusiasm wasn’t enough. The lack of attention she got from me wasn’t enough.  The lack of openness in the bedroom for me wasn’t enough. We decided, as a couple, to fix it.  Of course, we both had to see the problem to want to fix it.  Our catalyst was the idea that were were no longer lovers or best friends, just roommates.   It needed fixing and we both agreed.

In breaking down a few reasons I had slipped during the years, I knew I never wanted to grow up and sleep with my wife like I was on a camping trip (fully dressed and ready to run in case a bear breaks into the camper). As a kid, I felt that one day I would marry a woman and each night we would lay nude together, her on my chest, talking about our day. I let my wife know that I want her to be nude for me in bed. I want to wake up in the middle of the night and touch her body. I want to know that if I roll over and hug her, we will both be nude. For various reasons, this helped rekindle that spark we had for each other when we first moved in together. I wanted to touch her again, I wanted to hug her all throughout the night, I wanted to rub myself on her and let her feel my naked body against hers. It was sex, without intercourse. A new form of intimacy that even as a new couple we didn’t appreciate. I could hold my nude body against hers for the entire night, falling in love again.

For me, this nudity came very easy. I love being nude, I love showing my wife my body, and I love to feel the freedom of things hanging where they hang. My wife had a harder time with this, as sometimes she would lay in bed with panties and a shirt, sometimes just her panties. I’d come across the bed and feel down her tummy to her thighs and immediately ask why she was wearing panties. She’d look at me, smile, and say she forgot because she wasn’t used to doing it. That’s all it took for her to remove her clothing, but she had to reverse what she had conditioned herself to do for her entire life. For her, sleeping nude didn’t come natural. She felt safe with more clothing. I wanted her to feel safe with me.

After a few months, I noticed my wife would only wear a robe around the house after a shower.  She may put on a sun dress or something simple, but she would not put on a bra or panties. Before bed, she’d slip off her outfit and lay in bed, nude, no covers, letting me see her body. If she is on her stomach reading, I know she wants me to lick and massage her. If she is on her back, I know she is getting tired and wants me to touch and make out with her before bed. She no longer forgets, in fact, it’s just the opposite. At night I will go out with my wife and notice she will not be wearing panties under her dresses. For whatever reason, she has taken a liking to her new freedom, and I enjoy knowing she is breaking out of her shell.  I want her to enjoy her body as much as I do, and how can I not give her attention knowing my wife is a hand slide away from me feeling her vagina or ass? I love it. I love being around her, I love talking to her, I love hearing what she has to say, because I feel close to her again. I feel like she wants me close to her. She wants me to touch her wherever I can.  She wants me to fuck her, whenever and wherever I can.  I feel like the effort she puts into letting me know she wants me turned on and near her, makes me try throughout the day to show her, I want to be near her. I want to live up to her appreciation. It’s more than just nudity, it’s the call of the wild. It helped  save our marriage, it helped our sex life, and it freed us from complacency.

-This article was originally written on November 4, 2012.   It was published September 30, 2013.

The Five-Second Kiss Rule #AdultSexEdMonth

longkiss

It seems that the longer a couple has been together, the more difficult it becomes to be affectionate with each other. Complacency, habit, and just plain being “used to each other” can get in the way of the need to remind the other about their commitments. The time they set aside for one another can easily become routine or mundane if they’re not consistent, so every couple should create their own ways of ensuring their love still burns in them, even if it only flickers.

Ryan and I are of the opinion that a happy couple should have sex every day of their lives, and both partners should remind themselves in their own heads, why they love their partner. A good relationship is hard work. If it seems easy, more than likely you are missing something. With everything you do well, whether it be your health, your hobbies, and even your job, the more you do certain tasks, the better you get. For instance, the more you go to the gym and exercise, the stronger and healthier you look. It’s hard work being fit and healthy. Well, a healthy relationship is the same. Finding time to be intimate, make love, and make your partner feel special should be a daily activity. Yes, even kissing.

Don’t misunderstand me though, I do not mean have sex just to have sex, or kiss just to kiss. A couple must practice intimacy and positive thinking. It’s not just a cliche message to think positive, it’s the reality of a strong relationship. If you kiss, hug, or make love to your spouse, as much as you moan or purr in your partners arms, you must purr to yourself as well. Make it a mental exercise to tell yourself how lucky you are to have your partner. If you show enthusiasm, show enthusiasm because it makes it exciting and fun for you, not just for your other half. Fake intimacy or sex done out of obligation is worse than no sex at all, for both of you — resentment resentment. A man or woman should look into their own minds and figure out why it’s important to not only have sex, but to love the sex each time you are with your partner. Enthusiasm, wanting each other, loving each others’ touch, and feeling each others’ bodies rub and create the friction we read about in romance novels.

The above is a good example of why couples need to abide by the five-second kiss rule. Not just with your lips touching, but with your hands touching each others faces, cheek smelling, and yes, a little tongue, at least once a day. This may sound like a silly robotic act, but a routine isn’t always bad thing. It’s a bad routine if you are ignoring your partner’s needs each day, and it quickly turns into a lifestyle. The opposite is also true. It’s a good routine if you are purposely being intimate with your spouse each day, it too will eventually become your lifestyle. If you prepare yourself for any major event in your life, whether it be a test, fight, sports match, or a marathon, usually you will plan a routine and follow rules to reach your maximum potential prior to the event. In this case, it’s the most important event of your life, your happily ever after. For us, there is nothing more accepting than kissing each other and holding our mouths together to see how the other responds. Ryan has told me that since we’ve been together, that if he has ever even slightly opened his lips while kissing, I’ve always let my tongue slide inside his mouth. Not aggressively or quick, but just the tip of my tongue to feel for his tongue. It is something I never really noticed, but it’s almost like an antennae. It’s instinct for me to reach out with one of the most sensitive organs in my body and feel to see if he is receptive. As interesting as that idea is, that also makes oral sex extremely intimate when put into this perspective (I love nothing more than feeling the tastes, shapes, and textures of my man’s penis and balls on my tongue – his most private possessions).  Ryan also noticed that I will wait for him to open his mouth before I initiate tongue play. It’s a team game, and you both do things you may not even notice, but if the love is present, it works. Of course, if we weren’t in love, we wouldn’t want to even kiss, let alone open our mouths and have the other stick their tongue in.

We don’t do this just for the pleasure of kissing, or even the possibility of sex to follow, it’s for the attachment we feel each day to the person we decided to spend the rest of our lives with. Our mouths are the dirtiest parts of our body, and although kissing is done in public and isn’t seen as a “dirty act“, the truth is, sticking your wet organ/tongue in another person’s wet body/mouth, swapping saliva and juices, and feeling each other’s lips is just as intimate as sex itself. Sex is taboo and private, which created a stigma with the act. Everyone wants to do what we can’t do, so sex became this important mountain in our relationships. In fact, some couples have built sex up so much that they (or their religion expects them to) wait until after marriage to enjoy each other sexually. However, kissing (being so close you almost breath the same air — as if you could save each other’s life with a sexual CPR) was acceptable. I’m not downplaying the importance of sex, but I am making a good argument for kissing being much more intimate and important than people think.  Under appreciated and neglected in aging relationships.  A physical connection and intimacy keeps your chemicals and hormones flowing, and if you follow your own guidelines to try your hardest to truly enjoy this physical time, you both will love each other more. No resentment for a man “wanting it too much” and no resentment from a woman “never giving me sex anymore.”

Kiss for 5 seconds everyday, or every time you say goodbye, or before you go to bed.  You won’t regret it.

Hypothetically Speaking: The Reality of Us Swinging

SwingersAs we understand it, swinging is one couple having sexual relations with another couple. However, there are grey areas here as some single men are also in the swing lifestyle. Although I’d disagree with this, I’d consider a single man in the “get ass any way I possibly can lifestyle.” If he isn’t sharing or letting someone explore his intimate other, he isn’t swinging. I’ve heard some couples compare the single man in the swinging lifestyle to a parasite. But other than that, the crowd is usually open-minded, as you would have to be to accept other couples into your bedroom. Either way, there are different types of swinging, like there are different types of porn. You have your hard swingers and your soft swingers. Hard swinging is swapping partners, either same or different room. Full intercourse, oral, anal, whatever. Each partner swaps and they enjoy themselves however they like, or however they have set up their own personal boundaries with their partners. Soft swinging is not quite as hardcore, but it is how most swingers start out. Same room sex but you remain with your own partner. There may be some touching of other partners, female on female if the ladies are bi, and possibly oral, but that is a grey area. I’d feel oral crosses over into the hard swinging, but what if it’s just a man eating you out while your partner has sex with you. That isn’t quite like watching your husband watching you suck off another man in front of him. With the different types of oral, different boundaries, oral would still be considered soft swinging by most couples.

With that said, we are lifetime members of swinglifestyle.com but have never met with any couples. We’ve conversed and explored different ideas, but never set up any dates to meet any couple because the idea turns us on more than the actual idea of sharing. We are stingy.

Then came Twitter…

Twitter has allowed us to talk to many amazing people we would otherwise not talk to in real life. What’s even better is we get to delve into their lives via pictures and endless overlapping conversations with 140 characters or less, every letter counts, which in turn either makes you a “parts 2 and 3” tweeter or a succinct one.

With me being bi-curious and Ryan being open-minded, we can talk about our likes and dislikes about the fetishes, preferences, and people in general. Recently we had a discussion about swinging. We both agreed that we would never hard swing. Neither of us have the desire to give ourselves to anyone else. Soft swinging, on the other hand, is something we might consider since there are boundaries and no partner swapping.

With that out of the way, we discussed what we would both be comfortable with.  Ryan has no interest in seeing me suck or fuck another man, AT ALL.  He is open-minded with certain things, but he has no interest in sucking or being fucked by another man.  I understand this.   We are both stubborn, but we’d like to think we are open and very non judgemental. Neither of us would ever settle for less just to get our rocks off. A lifetime of regret isn’t worth 30 minutes of experimentation, and I plan on being with Ryan for my lifetime. It’s this same attitude that keeps either of us from cheating. We both love each other and we can openly talk about our lusts and desires without getting mad at one another. As long as I do not judge him and try to understand, he seems to be okay with opening up with me about different scenarios.

For me, the bi-girl in the other couple could do whatever she wanted with me, but her interaction with Ryan would be limited. Maybe touching him, maybe helping with oral sex, but definitely no penetration. (***this has now changed as I do not mind penetration for small periods of time as long as I am in control of his dick and using it to spoon out her juices and eat her off his dick).  I would let her kiss me with Ryan’s cum in my mouth if she wanted, but I don’t want to see Ryan ever fucking another woman. Ryan has said he is totally okay with that and has explained to me that he would not be offended if me and the girl had little to no boundaries with each other. I would let her do whatever she wanted with me, including me or her putting a strap-on on and working each other’s pussies over. I think most men, including Ryan, wouldn’t have an issue with this. But the bi-woman looking to jump in with a couple is called a “unicorn” for a reason.

As far as couples go, this is pretty simple.  Soft swinging is all we’d consider.    Us girls can play if we get along and want to.  The guys can watch (***we have moved away from the idea of soft swinging, as the idea of being watched turns us both off).   Our own personal boundaries are the same, regardless of the  female or a couple.  We have no interest in seeing the other have oral sex (***this has also changed, as I am okay with Ryan and I eating out a woman together) or sex with another person, but are definitely okay with playful touching and being licked respectfully.    This would be totally up to the other couple, as we understand our boundaries are   pretty constricted.   Otherwise, we would be into same room play and watching the other couple get off while we did the same.  That sounds kinky and fun.

I talked with Ryan today and we both decided this would be a good blog topic. Other than our faces we have been very open with our readers, trying to keep everything as authentic as we can. We aren’t the greatest couple in the world, but we are honest and sincere with our strengths and shortcomings. We may flirt on Twitter, but our love is stronger than the need for retweets. With good communication and strong boundaries it is possible to enjoy flirting and teasing others, but still be very faithful to your spouse.

What do you think?

Originally posted:  Dec, 12, 2012.

***Edited on December 9, 2013.   Look how much has changed in a year?!   Our boundaries have opened a bit but we have abandoned the idea of “soft swinging”.  Although we are open minded enough to understand why some couples do this, we learned that we are not  into being watched or playing in front of another couple.  Ryan isn’t comfortable and I absolutely only have the desire to play with other women.  Instead we have opened up our bedroom to threesomes and looking for a female partner that turns us both on and fits our mold.

Q&A: Is My Penis Size Too Small For Her and Does Size Matter?

 

toosmall1

Heath from New York 

Hello Nessa and Ryan, I have been following your blog for a while.  I absolutely love watching your deepthroat videos, but that is partially my question I guess.  I noticed in an old article Nessa wrote that she mentioned some women are not deepthroating if their men are not long enough to reach the back of their throat.  I also noticed that Nessa seems to be happy about the fact she “really” deepthroats.   Not that there is anything wrong with that, but let’s say Ryan wasn’t that big, would you still be just as satisfied with him or yourself?

I didn’t write you guys for that though, I just figured it would be a good way to bring up my situation.  

My fiancee has admitted to me  that she has had a few boyfriends before me that were “probably” larger than me.  She also was previously married to a man for over 5 years that she said was so huge she didn’t enjoy sex unless he took his time.   I never got the exact details on any of their sizes, but it was obvious with the way she acted that they were much larger than me.  Don’t get me wrong, she didn’t just volunteer this information to hurt me, I kind of pushed the issue and was determined to find out more about the woman I love and want to marry.  I always asked her, “Does size matter?” and she would respond with, “Absolutely not.”   Now, with this new information, I am just unsure I satisfy her.  I talked with her about this and she said that I am perfect for her.  However, last year, before I knew all this,  she bought me some ExtenZe pills.   She said she saw a commercial and thought it would be fun to try.  Wtf?   She then later said it was just a gag gift, fucking with me.  She has never openly said anything to my face about my size, and when I ask, she always says I am perfect.   Why else would you buy your boyfriend a some damn ExtenZe though?   She wants me to have a better golf stroke?

Also, another thing I remember, before we were very serious, I was walking through walmart with her and we stopped in the condom section.   I picked up the magnum XL box and she giggled and said, “Are we going to make water balloons?”   I looked at her and said, “No, I was wondering what this brand felt like.”   She laughed and said, “Loose!” then nudged me in the arm like I understood the joke.   That really hurt my feelings but I am unsure exactly what she meant. 

I always considered myself average size.  I didn’t grow up with a bunch of guys and compare dicks or anything.   I had a pretty hard life, me and my sister kind of had to survive on our own.  No father figure, no real time to sit and worry about dick sizes.   Now that I finally met someone I really care about, I didn’t realize that dick size would end up meaning so much.   Do all girls care about dick sizes?   Even though my girl says I am perfect,  I feel like deep down inside she wants more.  Is this common for guys to feel?   Do women always compare their history of dicks with their current man’s size, but never really admit it?   

Nessa’s response:

 Thank you for your question and for taking the time to watch our videos.  I feel deepthroating is an art, one that many women claim they can do, one that many men claim their women can do, and is something that I hold dear to me because I worship my man’s dick.  To answer your first question, if Ryan wasn’t as big [as he is compared to himself], would I still be just as satisfied.  Yes, I would still be happy if I knew I could deepthroat a longer dick but Ryan wasn’t big enough to really deepthroat. The act itself is gratifying, knowing I can satisfy my man, knowing he is satisfied by what I do for him.  Whether or not the penis goes down your throat, to shove your face as far as you can, is still cock worshipping.   Plus, if Ryan wasn’t the size he was, I wouldn’t have ever learned to slide a dick down my throat then, because he has the only dick I ever cared about satisfying in that way.   I wouldn’t have known any different, just like I don’t know different now.  A bigger or smaller man out there means nothing to me.

I can understand your frustration at your girlfriend buying ExTenze.  It’s like putting diet pills in a woman’s purse because you want her to be as thin as your lingerie-modeling ex.  You will see it as a negative thing at first; you might think she is comparing you to her exes.  But at least she’s not running back to them for the dick.  She wants to experience it with you, to give you what she knows her ex has, but does not want the PERSON.
 
About the condom incident, that was just rude.  Your girlfriend should never make you feel uncomfortable with body issues you have little to no control over, especially because she made it obvious that she has had bigger.  No, all girls do not care about dick sizes.  I have absolutely no desire for another dick, smaller, bigger, wider…whatever.  I love my man’s dick, but love the person who it’s attached to even more.  But the way your girlfriend jokes about it makes her sound insensitive to your feelings.  Pick a part of her body that she doesn’t like and make a joke about it.  I guarantee you’ll be in the doghouse for a week.  But that is partially where the problem lies, if she has no clue that it hurts your feelings, why haven’t you told her?  Your jealous and insecurities will tear your apart if, especially if she can be a part of the solution.

Ryan’s response:

 Is it common for guys to feel this way?  Yes.  Is it dumb to waste your time feeling that way?  Yes.  Big, small, skinny, fat, you have what you have.  You can sit there all day like a grown version of Pinocchio and wish to be a real man until a fairy comes along and grants your wish and gives you a huge cock, or you can go out and act like a real man because that’s what you are, regardless of where you stand on a dick size chart. 

In my opinion you seem to care more about your dick size than her.  Her joke, although stupid and insensitive, shows she probably doesn’t give two fucks about dick size.   She wouldn’t have made the joke if her life evolved around the idea of dick size is important.  She divorced a guy with a huge dick, because he was probably a huge dick.  She left all her hung  ex-boyfriends you seem so concerned about, and then ended up agreeing to marry you.   Obviously these big dicks aren’t that great.   If she cared so much about size, why didn’t she stay with her last husband?   Maybe instead of asking her how long his dick was, you should have asked how long he treated her with respect.   You asked her the sizes of her ex-boyfriends and you got your answer.   You want to be her biggest man?   Then be the man that makes her happy the longest.  Show her you have the biggest heart.  And also, show her  confidence.  Why be this great guy she decided to marry and end up being a half man-boy because you feel insecure about your penis size?   Why give so much weight to these assholes in her past because they were born with a longer piece of meat that hangs between their legs.  Forget her ex’s and forget their dicks.  She probably already would have if you didn’t ask her about it.

And if you think she still compares dicks in her mind each time she sees your penis, then go ahead and ask her which dick meant/means the most to her.  Ask her which dick made/makes her the most happy.   Ask her which dick matters?  If she doesn’t answer all those questions with, “YOU YOU YOU” immediately, then you chose the wrong girl to get engaged with. 

Does size matter?  Yes, to ex girlfriends, women who write blogs and need to entertain their following by naming their ex’s by their penis description (very common — also falls under ex girlfriends), and by women who you’ve dumped for being shallow.  Oh, that is also ex girlfriends.  When in love, and I mean truly in love, a real woman adores her man in every way…. penis size included.   

Fan Mail: Married 36 Years and Still Have A Great Sex Life

I would just like to say I came upon your site at Xhamster.com, and I really liked your videos, so I joined your blog. I think Nessa is very sexy looking, and my wife loves  Ryan’s cock says it looks great. Just want to say “I need to see more videos from the both of you”. You now have a new follower.

P.S.
I love your thinking for the way u want to live your lives and marriage, we have been married for 36 yrs & still have a great sex life ( my wife finally tried anal sex for the first time five (5) years ago and loved it) trying new things really works to keep things going.

Love You both,

John

Thanks John, I am glad you enjoy the different blogs and videos we have created.   Ryan and I can only hope to one day say we have been married for 36 years.  Your an inspiration.