The Vagina Dialogues – The Vagina Canteen

Previous Vagina Facts

vagina dialoguesWe have now changed the name of this blog segment to “The Vagina Dialogues.”  Why did we switch from “Fun Facts About The Vagina” to “The Vagina Dialogues”?  No real reason. We personally liked the name better and since Venice and I talk throughout the facts we felt it was a better fit.  And yes, I am back.  Since the last Vagina Dialogue I hosted seemed to do very well, Venice asked me to host another.

I am excited to share a few facts about the vagina, especially since I have mastered it.  I’ve researched and can safely say these facts are exclusive to our blog.

31. The Origin of the Rubber Band

A little known fact about the elasticity of the vagina.  The original rubber band was made with the same material that comprises a woman’s labias.  In 1839, Charles Goodyear developed vulcanization which is used to make rubber today.  However, in 1838, English Merchants traded with various African tribes and ended up with an elastic material that helped create the first rubber band.  It was later discovered the material originated from Female Genital Mutilation (FGM).  Although Charles Goodyear is credited with vulcanization, the rubber band itself was originally patented in England on March 17, 1845 by Stephen Perry.

Venice: Oh my gosh.
Ryan: Yea, pretty neat.  I think it’s cool the vagina basically created the rubber band.
Venice: I guess so but that is still a pretty sick  fact.
Ryan: Makes me want to eat rubber bands.
Venice: Ugh.

32. Clitoris Envy

The size of a woman’s Clitoris is almost as large as an average man’s penis. Although the seemingly cute little clitoris may seem small from the outside, it is only the tip of the iceberg.  The clitoral complex, which has a shape of a boomerang, extends under the skin and includes parts that are known as the body,  clitoral shaft, the urethral sponge, erectile tissue, crura (or the clitoral legs), vestibular bulb and root.  Some clitorises can measure up to 5 or 6 inches long and can run along the upper exterior of the vaginal walls.

Ryan: Almost as large?  What the fuck?
Venice:
Hah!  Oh yea, I have that BBC for sure.
Ryan:
All of a sudden I feel a little less like a man.
Venice: Well one thing is for sure, Asian men are going to be extremely upset about this vagina fact.
Ryan: No offense, it’s going to effect a lot more than just Asian men.  I’m upset about this one.
Venice:  It’s okay fellas.  If you read my “Learning To Deep Throat” article, it’s never too late to learn to Deep Throat us properly.
Ryan: Well, I can’t, I have like a small mouth and a sensitive gag reflex.
Venice: So did I.  I expect you to go to the bathroom and practice on toothbrushes.  Once you can handle that, we can move you up to hairbrush handles.  Ok?
Ryan: Yea, that’s pretty much never going to happen.
Venice: After brush handles, I may let you try to deep throat my BBC… Big Badass Clit.

33. The Hairy Truth

An unknown fact about the vagina labias is that hair can grow on the inner labias, as well as around the vaginal opening.  This growth usually occurs as women age, much like hair growth in or around the ears. Although most women do not notice this growth because sexual activity damages the hair follicles keeping the vagina trimmed from the trauma. Sometimes this trauma can create scar tissue that covers the follicle.  This blockage is known to cause Bartholin cysts.  As women age and become less sexually active, the hair on the inside of the vagina can grow up to 3 inches in length.

Venice: What the hell?
Ryan: This really puts a whole new perspective on nuns or older women for me.
Venice: This is my new number 1 reason to make sure I fuck you as much as possible.
Ryan: I agree.  Let’s make sure you never have 3 inch hair growing from inside of your vagina.

34. If you Smelt It, You Dealt It

Bacterial vaginosis (BV) causes the classic fishy smell in a vagina and is sometimes associated with discharge, odor, pain, itching and burning. It is the most common vaginal infection in women of childbearing age. Researchers say BV is created due to an imbalance of the bacteria that are normally found in a woman’s vagina.  A woman can get BV from toilet seats, hotel or unclean bedding, swimming pools and hot tubs (chlorine actually throws off a woman’s pH balance increasing the risk), bathtubs being used more than twice without being cleaned, intercourse with a dirty penis, and from wearing tampons for extended periods of time.  Women who have never had sexual intercourse can also be affected. In fact, research shows that women who have more sexual intercourse, as long as her partner is clean, tend to have less chances of getting bacterial vaginosis.  Regular penetration keeps the bacteria levels balanced and helps the vagina with self cleansing. If you have symptoms, your health care provider may perform laboratory tests to determine if BV is present.

Venice: Do not ask your sexual partner to engage in oral sex as an extremely offensive odor will emanate from your vaginal area.
Ryan: If it smells like cologne, leave it alone.  If it smells like fish, make it a dish.
Venice: Worst advice you’ve ever given.
Ryan: All I need is some crackers, a little bit of mayonnaise, and some celery.  Seriously.
Venice: Ugh.   Ladies, use your man’s penis as a plunger and keep your insides clean.
Ryan: Awesome advice. Pipe cleaning 101.

35. Surviving Off Vaginal Discharge

If you’ve watched survivalist reality television, then you’ve probably heard about surviving off your own urine as a method to stay hydrated.  Urine contains more than 85% water and can be drank after it has been distilled.  However, there is even a better source, a woman’s vagina.   A vagina doesn’t need to be distilled.  Like a woman’s body can develop and give nutrition to an unborn baby inside her, her vaginal discharge can also give nutrition to someone not inside her.  Sucking on a woman’s vagina can keep a person hydrated while at the same time giving them the nutrients needed when in survival situations. Although a woman may be dehydrated, research has shown that a woman’s vagina will be one of the last places on her body to lose its moisture.

Ryan: Oh my, I have a whole new respect for your vagina now.  It’s like a new age cactus.
Venice: I’ll have to find a way to siphon myself if the situation calls for it.
Ryan: Seriously, I’m looking at your vagina right now and all I can visualize is a sexy camel hump.
Venice: I’m more worried about figuring out how to protect this ‘resource of life’ in dire situations.
Ryan: Maybe we can like bury it or store it somewhere in a safe place while we try to find cacti to survive on temporarily.
Venice: Ryan, it’s my vagina, not a survival kit.  I can’t keep it separate from my body.
Ryan: Oh yea, I forgot.  You know how I get when I think about this stuff.  I take survival serious.  Maybe I will just bury you and keep you safe while I go look for cacti and other lesser resources to survive on.  We’ll keep your vagina for last.
Venice: I say we practice your sucking technique tonight.  I want to see if you can get a good seal on my vagina so no moisture is wasted.
Ryan: I definitely will need a lot of practice.

36. The Vagina Canteen

It is possible for a woman to use her vagina as a canteen if she wanted.  A vagina  can hold up to 500-600 ml of liquid (around the same amount as your bladder).  If properly sealed, and the woman were healthy, it would be safe to drink.

Venice: How the hell do you properly seal a vagina?
Ryan: Duct Tape or like a wine cork…
Venice: Hah!  I mean, I guess if she were the kegel queen she might be able to pull this off.
Ryan:  …or like a butt plug of some sort.
Venice: It sounds like all we’ll need in case of a zombie apocalypse is my vagina.
Ryan: Pretty much.  Keeping you alive for these reasons alone will be crucial.

37. Directly After Sex A Vagina Can Temporarily Power a Light Bulb 

Sure you‘ve seen static electricity at work: “static cling”, bad hair days, a shock from a door knob – but now you can put all of that “body electricity” to good use and light a small neon light bulb. Body static electricity can be in excess of 10,000 volts – but amperage is so low, it’s harmless!  What creates more static electricity and friction that isn’t normally talked about?  Sex.  And what can store this energy for long periods of time?  The vagina.  Yes ladies, after sex you can insert a small neon light bulb into your vagina and it will light up the room.   

Venice: Hmm, I don’t know about that one.  I’m calling bullshit.
Ryan: Hey, I’m just the middle man here.  Don’t shoot the messenger.
Venice: I seriously want to go buy a light bulb right now and fuck your brains out, then insert it in my warm electric box and see if it lights up.
Ryan: So during a zombie apocalypse, we will also have light. I’ll keep that electric box fully charged for sure.
Venice: Uh huh.
Ryan: I wonder if you kegeled while you inserted the light bulb would it blink on and off.
Venice: You are seriously…
Ryan: …I think your kegeling vagina could even be a Christmas tree replacement.
Venice: I don’t know about this one Ryan.

38. The Light Bulb

Prior to Thomas Edison, a variation of the light bulbs did exist (American Charles Francis Bush, 1877,  and English physicist Sir Joseph Wilson Swan in 1860).  However, the first electric light was made in 1800 by Humphry Davy, an English scientist. He experimented with electricity and invented an electric battery. When he connected wires to his battery and a piece of carbon, the carbon glowed, producing light. This is called an electric arc.  In a publication released a few years after Davy’s death, Davy claimed his idea of the electric arc was inspired by a woman’s vagina.  Although scientists claim Davy’s publications were written after he was in the beginning stages of dementia, throughout the years other scientists have tried to make a correlation between the two.

Venice: Wait a second…
Ryan: Interesting fact for sure.
Venice: … no.  Just no.
Ryan: What?
Venice: Did you just make up every single one of these facts?
Ryan:  I was hosting it like you told me.
Venice: You’re supposed to pick facts from the list I gave you not just make up random fun facts about our vaginas Ryan.
Ryan: Why not?  I thought it would be way more interesting.
Venice: Interesting?  What the hell.  How about misleading.  Tell me you just didn’t make everything up?
Ryan:  Okay, I didn’t.
Venice: Are you saying you didn’t because I asked you to tell me that?
Ryan: Yes.
Venice: Oh my gosh.
Ryan: I used deductive reasoning and concluded certain things that may actually be real facts.  No one has proven any of my hypotheses incorrect as far as I know.
Venice: Oh my gosh, what a waste of time.
Ryan: These vagina theories are all plausible in my humble opinion.
Venice: Sorry everyone.  Ryan is an idiot.
Ryan:
Ryan: Can I host the next one?
Venice: I’m done.

Continue To The Next Vagina Dialogue

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