The Vagina Dialogues – Varts and Queefs

Previous Vagina Dialogue

vf3First of all, I am back.  For now, Ryan is done hosting or drafting The Vagina Dialogues.   You see, how we normally do mutual blogs is one of us will draft the questions and keep notes so they can have control over the direction of the blog or its dialogue.  Once all the ideas are jotted down, we’ll set a time for us to sit down and talk, so we can run ideas back and forth.  If it’s an email with a question, he will email his answer back to me and I will put the blog together.  If it’s a Freaky Friday or Vagina Dialogue, we will read the word or fact and kind of play off of each other.  Usually something funny or worth writing will come up and the person hosting/drafting the blog will take little notes.  At that point, the person hosting/drafting the blog will find the time to put the blog together and make everything flow.

Although Ryan is extremely cute, he lost his privilege to host The Vagina Dialogues for now.  Maybe if he makes it up to me and earns a little extra credit with my vagina, I will give him the opportunity to pilot the ship. For now, it’s like letting a little kid who likes to play with blinking lights in the cockpit of an airplane.  Although it’s obvious he loves hitting all the cute little flashing buttons, he has no idea what he is doing or where he is going.

31. Childbirth

One word: childbirth.  It’s an unbelievable fact that the vagina can allow a 10-plus-pound baby to come through it and still come back to a normal size. The healing process generally takes about six months post-baby, but that’s still pretty impressive considering what the body part went through.

Ryan: I already did 31.
Venice: Yea, except these are actual real facts Ryan.
Ryan: Mine were real facts too.
Venice:
Ryan: What? Just because I made them up doesn’t mean they aren’t real facts.
Venice: Actually, that’s exactly what that means.
Ryan: Well, your 31 is stupid and boring.  Oh boy, vaginas really have babies?  I never would have known.
Venice: I’m sorry actual facts are boring to you Ryan.  I guess I should have said that our vaginas can grow wings at night while we sleep and fly to the moon and play hopscotch with all of the other vaginas.
Ryan: So fake.  That could never be a real fact like the ones I made up.
Venice: Are you done?  Can you at least talk a little bit about this actual fact that wasn’t made up by your imagination?
Ryan: Nope.  You didn’t have vaginal birth.  A fact that doesn’t apply to you or a lot of people, because some women don’t go back to normal size, and some vaginas can’t allow 10-plus-pound babies to come through it.  In fact, most women don’t have 10-plus-pound babies.
Venice: Oh god.
Ryan: How is this a fact when it doesn’t apply to almost all women?
Venice: Someone needs some fries with his wahburger.

32. Lubrication

You are not abnormal if you need to use lubricant during sex and many women experience this as they age. A dry vagina can make sex uncomfortable and a real turn off. There are plenty of lubricants – synthetics like KY Jelly or natural ones like Astroglide, which is made from coconut oil. Turn your dry problem into fun by using flavored lubes.

Ryan: I already did 32.
Venice: Oh my gosh,  let it go already.
Ryan: No.
Venice: Come here…
Ryan:
Venice:  …give me a hug.
Ryan: No, stop.
Venice: Ryan, come here, give me a hug.
Ryan: No.
Venice: Come on Ryan, you can co-pilot the plane with me.  Come on.  Come give me a hug.
Ryan: The analogy of me being some stupid kid inside the cockpit of a vagina hitting all the flashy buttons was dumb.
Venice: It was inside the cockpit of a plane, but you’re right, it was dumb.  Come give nicey a hug.
Ryan: Can I host the next one then?
Venice: Probably not but you can help me if you want?  You can be my little helper co-pilot Ryan?
Ryan: Promise?
Venice: Sure.  Will that put you in a better blogging mood?
Ryan: Yes.
Venice: I’m glad.  Now try to focus on these real facts okay?
Ryan: Okay.

33. G-Spot

The G-spot, also called the Gräfenberg spot, is characterized as an erogenous area of the vagina that, when stimulated, may lead to strong sexual arousal, powerful orgasms and potential female ejaculation. It is typically reported to be located 1–3 inches (2.5–7.6 cm) up the front (anterior) vaginal wall between the vaginal opening and the urethra and is a sensitive area that may be part of the female prostate.

Neither the G-spot nor the existence of female ejaculation has been proven. Although the G-spot has been studied since the 1940s, disagreement persists over its existence as a distinct structure, definition and location. A 2009 British study concluded that its existence is unproven and subjective, based on questionnaires and personal experience. Other studies, using ultrasound, have found physiological evidence of the G-spot in women who report having orgasms during vaginal intercourse.  It is also hypothesized that the G-spot is an extension of the clitoris and that this is the cause of orgasms experienced vaginally.

Many women spend their sexual lives searching for that elusive sweet spot that is meant to be the key to orgasm. Apparently, the best way to find it is stimulate the front wall of your vagina using come hither motion with your finger. But, if you can’t locate it, it won’t stop you having great sex.

Ryan: I bet you don’t mind me playing with that little flashy light huh.
Venice: Definitely not.
Ryan: Do you consider that your sweet spot?
Venice: Honestly, although I have squirted from feeling pressure on my g-spot, there are other areas in my vagina that feel way better to me.
Ryan: Like?
Venice: The very back.  For whatever reason, that spot automatically makes my cervix and inner muscles twitch uncontrollably.  The same as when I orgasm with my clitoris, except without the huge intense build up.  It’s almost like a steady feeling of this overwhelming high feeling mentally, while physically, I feel my insides contracting.  Less intense, but it leaves me equally satisfied.
Ryan: That’s pretty neat for sure.

34. Orgasms

Approximately 30% of women have orgasms from vaginal intercourse. Some researchers claim that a vaginal orgasm may be a deep clitoral orgasm. Or, the friction from intercourse builds up in the clitoris, even without direct stimulation.  Other researchers claim that vaginal and clitoral orgasms are completely different and activate different parts of the brain.   However, not every woman experiences orgasms and few attain it purely from penetration.  10% of adult women have never experienced an orgasm (Anorgasmia).  If women do experience an orgasm, even if they do not realize it, most of the time it is usually generated by clitoral stimulation either with the fingers or finding the perfect position during penetration.  What would be the perfect position?  A position where the penis or the body, although penetrating, is also angled in a way that it rubs over the clitoris as well.

Some women have orgasms and don’t know it. Some women do not experience orgasm in the sense of feeling their pelvic floor muscles contract. They do however reach a peak of arousal after which they feel very relaxed and contented, the same feelings other women experience after orgasm. By contrast, women who get very aroused and do not experience orgasm will sometimes feel “nervous” or “edgy” or even an aching discomfort in their pelvis.

Ryan: Kind of a continuation from your previous fact.
Venice: Yes, for years I was one of the 70%.  I could only cum with direct stimulation of my clitoris, even during penetration.
Ryan: According to your last response, you would agree that the orgasms are totally different though?
Venice: For me, yes.  Although both orgasms I can feel my vagina contracting… the mental intensity, the build ups, and the ups and downs are completely different.  After you stop having sex with me, pure penetration, sometimes I can feel my vagina spasming for 2 or 3 minutes afterwards.  I can’t even move.  I just lay there and rub myself until the feeling subsides.
Ryan: That’s a sex high.
Venice: Exactly.
Ryan: Would you say your perfect position is doggy style?  
Venice: Perfect, no.  It’s a gift and curse. Sometimes it can make me cum and paralyzed, sometimes it can make me scream bloody murder.  One thing is for sure, it gets your dick into me as deep as possible.  Sometimes it almost feels like you are hitting my spine.  I am unsure if the balls rubbing or bouncing on my clitoris helps, but that position is the perfect storm for my body.  Good and bad.  I also like the position where I am on top but I scoot my body back so far your penis is forced to rub my g-spot every time I grind my hips.  This gets me the most wet for sure.

35. Pain

You should not feel pain when you have sex. One of the obvious facts about your vagina is that it is specifically designed for sex. That is its function. Don’t put up with painful sex and do not suffer in silence – see your gynecologist or MD.

Venice: So many factors here.
Ryan: Probably true if I was to take it easy on the gas pedal and only go 60 PPH.
Venice: PPH?
Ryan: Yea, 60 Pumps Per Hour.
Venice: Did you just make that up on the fly or did you really think about that one and save it for the right moment?
Ryan: Well, that one has been in the old mental clever bank for a while.  Just had to wait for that perfect moment you know?
Venice: For sure.  It’s always good when you bring out acronyms for the cause.
Ryan:  Oh yea, so you really liked it huh?
Venice: No, not really, was just curious.
Ryan:
Ryan: {frowns}
Venice: Anyway, so many factors at work here.  Penis size, the pph the penis is going, the lubrication, the amount of times you fuck fuck a week, and the position.
Ryan: Oh yea.  pph baby!
Venice: It was cute, I’ll give you that.  That’s why your my little helper.
Ryan: {smiles}

36. Embarrassing Noises

This is one of these unforgiving facts about vaginas. Vaginal farts (aka varts or queefs) are normal, healthy and absolutely nothing to worry about – albeit they can be somewhat embarrassing.  Unlike gas expelled from the rectum, which contains fecal waste and has an odor, vaginal flatulence is odorless and unrelated to the rectum (unless a woman has a rare rectovaginal fistula).

Ryan: Are you serious?  And you wouldn’t rather me just make up way cooler facts than this?
Venice: You promised Ryan.  Just stop.
Ryan: Ugh.  Why do we even have to comment on vaginal farts though?
Venice: {dirty look}
Ryan:  What?
Venice: {dirty look}
Ryan: Varts is hilarious though.  I’ve never heard that term before.
Venice: Okay, you better stop there though.  If you call my body releasing air because your penis traps it inside me, a vart,  I swear to god I will piss in your face.
Ryan: Hah!  Is that supposed to be a deterrent or something?
Venice: How about this.  If you call my vagina releasing air a vart, I will fucking peg you… until your asshole varts… tough guy.
Ryan:  Chill, chill.  We don’t have to go there.  I won’t call it a vart.  Dang.
Venice: I’m serious Ryan.
Ryan: I know, relax.  I won’t call it a vart.  No need to get all prison on me and threaten to force yourself in my ass though.  Dang.
Venice: Pussy.

37. Sex Is Healthy

Sex  is good for you (as long as you and your partner are healthy). Benefits include lowering your risk of heart disease and stroke, reducing your risk of breast cancer, bolstering your immune system, helping you sleep, making you appear more youthful, improving your fitness, Regulating menstrual cycles, relieving menstrual cramps, relieving chronic pain, reducing the risk of depression, lowering stress levels, and improving self esteem.  Most importantly, good sex will put a smile on your face.  Whether you reach an orgasm or not, during sex the body releases feel-good hormones.

Ryan: Now this is my type of fact.
Venice: Mine too, because it’s actually real.
Ryan: … real-ly good.  A great point to really touch on is how sex can regulate the menstrual cycle, relieve menstrual cramps, and help with chronic pain.
Venice: Be serious, have I ever said I have a headache or used body pains as a reason to not have sex with you?
Ryan: Never.  Not even when we were both a little more young and reserved… or high school minded.  In fact you always said the opposite. You’ve literally asked me to fuck you because you had a headache and really wanted to relax.  I can still remember some mornings when the night before you didn’t feel well, you would jump on me and have sex, then go back to sleep.  Like, you used sex as a way to momentarily feel better.
Venice: Yea, if I have a headache, I swear that during sex and afterwards, my headache is totally gone.  Even if I do not orgasm, just the act of you penetrating me seems to temporarily relieve my head and body aches.
Ryan: Nature tries to make sex as appealing as possible.  It’s natures job to make us want to procreate.  It’s our instincts.  However, not to talk about conspiracy theories in a vagina dialogue, the media created the idea of, “Oh not tonight, I have a headache.”
Venice: People in general.  People want to be greater than the forces of nature.  As a woman I feel almost negatively judged for saying, “Swallowing his cum or having him cum in my ass and me purposely leaving it in there to absorb makes me feel amazing.  I get horny, make jokes like a teenage boy, and I feel like the Testosterone in his semen totally alters my personality temporarily.”
Ryan: Women don’t like that idea for sure.  To feel out of control?  To feel like a man’s semen can almost alter your personality?  To feel like having a man’s semen can put you in a good mood or be addictive?  All scary stuff to most women.  In fact, they’d read this like it was some form of manipulation by a man to “promote” sex.
Venice: Nature promotes sex.  That’s why this fact is so good.  Misery loves company, and if you want reasons to have sex, here they are.  If you want reasons to be unhappy, miserable, and no longer feel human, in my opinion, be negative about sex and your vagina.  See it as nothing more than a place you piss from or have babies from.  Not a good life.  You’ve outsmarted nature and are in total control, yet you purposely reject one of natures biggest pleasures.
Ryan: Enough said.  Doesn’t seem like they’ve outsmarted anything.

38. Fashion Accessory

Although the vagina is still kept private and not usually the topic of conversation at dinner parties, social media has changed things a bit.  A woman can now share her goodies with the world, and still remain anonymous if she wants too.  In fact, some ladies’ vaginas are probably recognizable in their social circles, based off the accessories, shape, color, or the way it’s groomed, no faces needed.  The vagina can now make fashion statements.  There’s a multitude of choices if you want to “decorate” your vagina and areas around it – waxing, piercing, tattooing, bleaching, and shaving.

Ryan: I think I know all the vaginas in our social circle without needing to see their faces.  Whether it be piercings or just the way it looks.
Venice: Me too.  If I see a circle around an 9 3/4, I know what I am looking at.
Ryan: Just the other day I was wondering if one of our twitter friends was “growing out her bush.”
Venice: That’s funny.   In certain social media circles, specifically the rated adult crowd, we see a person’s vagina or breasts more than we actually see anything else.
Ryan: For sure.  The vagina or ass can absolutely make fashion statements these days. Also, sexy panties get a lot more use, with tweets or texts all day long with women teasing their spouse and social circles.  Before, I’d see your cute panties for maybe 5 seconds before they were ripped and on the floor.
Venice: True story.

39.The Vagina Can Wrinkle

As we age, our face isn’t the only thing that does. Our vaginas can develop wrinkles especially as we near age 45 or 50. This happens simply because our skin loses muscle tone and the labia changes in appearance. It becomes less plump, because less estrogen is being produced in the body. The labia are the fatty pads of the vagina that house collagen. Collagen is the fibers of the skin that show wrinkles, or help us look youthful. When estrogen decreases, collagen production dissipates, which leads to wrinkles.

Ryan: I actually found this fact interesting as hell.
Venice: Why?
Ryan: Well, because I still have Polaroid pictures you would send me when we were dating.
Venice: I knew how to keep you studying my body huh?
Ryan: Hell yea.  I would seriously masturbate to those pictures almost every night while I was in college.
Venice: I remember.  I would have to pay $.10 cents a minute just to call you and listen to you cum for me.    Seriously, best 2 dimes I would ever spend.
Ryan:  Wow, really?  2 dimes huh.  You’re an asshole.
Venice: Hah!
Ryan: Anyway, your labias have actually decreased some.  Your lips used to be long and plump, now they have kind of tapered off.
Venice: I think it’s cute.  I’d love to eat a vagina like mine…
Ryan: …oh yea, it’s cute as hell.
Venice: What about wrinkles?
Ryan: From my perspective, judging old pictures and you now, not really.  I mean, when we met you were skinny as hell.  As you’ve gained a little, the meat around you vagina has  gotten much fuller, which I love.
Venice: Dem camel toes doe?
Ryan: Haha.

40. Ejaculation

One of the controversial facts about vaginas is female ejaculation. Yes, females ejaculate. And again, it doesn’t make you abnormal if you don’t or haven’t yet. There are two explanations for female ejaculation. If your ejaculation is a small amount and of a milky consistency, it is likely a discharge from the paraurethral glands in response to an orgasm. If it is a decent amount it is more likely to be urine caused by contractions of the bladder. In many cases it is a combination of both.   And although men may be the ones with the gun in their pants, women have also proved to be pretty good shots. The farthest (recorded) distance that a woman has ejaculated was more than 10 feet.

Ryan: I remember the time you shot all over my face, the wall, my pillow.
Venice: Me too.
Ryan: The texture of that one seemed to be more like a sticky clear froth.
Venice: Yea I remember.
Ryan: But other times, when you have wet yourself or the bed during sex, it does have a urine consistency.
Venice: Yea, I haven’t done it much, but it if happens. I have no real control over it.  It’s happened mid orgasm, and it’s happened when your dick stabs my insides and bladder so hard my body just releases.
Ryan: Right.  I think the reason this is controversial is that some women actually try to make their urine squirt, which would be like me moaning and saying I am going to cum, and then just peeing in your face.
Venice: Right.  Some women like the idea of being able to squirt, but rather than letting it happen naturally, basically just pee in guys faces or laps.
Ryan: Which creates men, and even other women, thinking a female ejaculation isn’t real.
Venice: In a lot of cases it isn’t.  The few times I did it in the beginning of our marriage, I was totally embarrassed and ashamed.  Not only did I not want it to happen, I apologized and felt like I made a mistake.  I wasn’t the same girl I am now.  Now, I’d embrace it, but it just doesn’t happen much.
Ryan: I agree.  But you’ve always been extremely blunt about never faking.  You’d rather pat me on the head and say good job than scream and fake orgasms.
Venice: That part hasn’t changed about me.

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